My best friend (we'll call him N) has started smoking. He began with "3/4 over the easter holidays" and is now on 1 a day. He says that although he gets my concern (my uncle died of smoking aged 45 and my brother is currently a druggie, drinker and heavy smoker) I should trust him and that he won't let it control him. I know I should trust him, but I'm worried for him. I just wish he'd never started! Any help?
It's his own choice. However, I don't think he realises how hard quitting actually is. I started smoking a few years ago, just one every now and then to being with, then a few a week, now I have maybe one or two a day. I'm not a heavy smoker by anyone's standards, but I've tried giving it up so many times it's not even funny to no avail. Going a week, or even a few days without a cigarette makes me bitchy, frustrated and short-tempered. I feel depressed and unwell when I don't smoke. It would be best for your friend if he stopped now and didn't look back, before a proper addiction kicks in. The younger you start, the harder it is to quit (I should know, given that I started at 13/14) and the sooner you quit, the easier. No amount of smoking is not bad for you, even on the small amount I smoke, I am noticeably shorter of breath than non-smokers, on top of the obvious and well documented cancer risks. The best thing for you to do is to support him, nobody can make him stop - it is still very much his choice and if he wants to do it you can't stop him. If and when he chooses to quit, be there for him. Don't get annoyed if he is moody or short with him. Give him an ear to rant to, there will be ranting.
Are you talking about 'packs' a day or 'cigarettes' a day? One cigarette per day wouldn't suggest he's addicted to them yet. But at the same time, it seems stupid to even start. What could possibly be his motivation? You've made your point and told him how you feel. Not much else you can do.
I'm guessing packs - how do you smoke 3/4 of a cigarette? You've raised your concern, and now you back off. It's tough, but that's the way to do it. Be supportive if he sounds like he wants to ease off. My partner started smoking twice since we've been together, each time for about a year, but did manage to quit both times. Well, I can't say as he quit, since he now has one every three months. But that's as close to quitting as you're liable to see. Lex
There is nothing that you really can do. You have explained your concern, but it's up too him to follow your advice or not. Unfortunatly, many people think they can control when they start smoking and end up being completly addicted. If he ever wants to quit, you'll can offer your moral support, but you can't force him to stop. What you can do, is to ask him not to smoke in your presence, at least when you're inside. Maybe if he feels the urge to smoke when he can't because you're here, that will help him realise that he starts to be addicted and will make me want to stop.
I meant 3 or 4 cigs over the hols (sorry typo) thank you all for your advice, I'll let you know how it goes!
I have sometimes had success quoting a study published in Nature (british medical journal). I don't remember the exact numbers but it went something like this: 10 year study, large (over 1000) students, aged 15 or so at the start of the study. Of those who smoked once a month or less at 15, 95% were self-identified addicted smokers by 18. Only 15% of them at 15 said they intended to continue smoking. Of the pack-a-day smokers at age 19, about 65% said they planned to quit within 6 months. Followed up at 25, of the 65% that said they planned to quit at 19, about 3/4 of those were still pack-a-day or more smokers at 25. Anecdotally, nearly everyone I know who starts out "smoking occasionally when they drink" has ended up an addicted smoker, in spite of vehement protests that "they'd never allow that to happen." Tobacco companies have spent billions of dollars to engineer their product to be as addictive as possible. Nicotine is very toxic and has been described as being more addictive than heroin. And the way the body handles it is creating receptors to bind to the nicotine. As I understand it, when you start smoking, the receptors are created, and the more you smoke, the more receptors are created. That's what creates the addiction. When you stop smoking, the receptors never go away, they just become less active over time. But even 20 years later, a single cigarette can re-excite the receptors and reawaken the cravings and addiction again. The best luck I've had in getting people to see how stupid it is to start smoking is to educate them with the above information. I've had fairly good success in getting it through people's heads and getting them to stop before they have become seriously addicted. But quite a few are convinced that "they know better"... and of those, almost 100% are wrong, and end up addicted and wishing they could quit. Edit: 3 or 4 cigs over a week's time isn't disastrous and is, according to most statistics, not enough to create a physical addiction. But it may cause a psychological craving or desire, which leads to more smoking, which leads to the physical addiction. So... the rest of what I wrote above applies if your friend is foolish enough to believe that he can continue to smoke "occasionally." Very, very few people (less than 5%) are able to do that over time.
Thanks ... so far he's managed to keep it down to 8 or 9 a week, mostly cos I keep going on at him. Hopefully he'll keep it at bay.
I know how you feel, my best friend started smoking about 6 months ago. I don't understand it, because he is a calm-chill type of person who doesn't need a cigarette to "calm his nerves." I've expressed how I felt about cigarettes (or any other type of tobacco product) numerous times, but he just doesn't seem to understand the risks. Or he does get them, but refuses to quit, I dunno... But yeah, I know this doesn't really help you, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this situation.
The key is to keep decreasing it below that, and slowly decrease to zero. If he's only smoking 8 or 9 a week, that should not be difficult. Or, if he absolutely insists on smoking, get Quest 3 cigarettes (assuming they are still available). These are true tobacco cigarettes, but made using genetically altered tobacco that contains no nicotine, so they are not addictive. They used to be available in New England and online. If your friend truly likes the sensation of breathing nasty smoke into his lungs, this should fulfill that need.
I started smoking in high school...through college and a little afterward. Nicotine is more addictive than any drug out there...and it is hell to quit. I haven't smoked in 4 years...but I still chew nicorette gum everyday. There are drugs, like Chantix that do help...I've had several of my friends that have had success with that. I tried the patch...I tried everything...nothing worked...God especially if I was out drinking. First and foremost, the person has to WANT to quit....I tried several times, but really didn't want to stop. Hell, sometimes on a lonely night a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of cigarettes are your only friends in the world. I finally wanted to quit, so I started the gum. It's odd...I have no desire to smoke (as a matter of fact I got drunk the other month and took a drag off one and thought it was the nastiest thing in the world)...but I'm still addicted to nicotine. But, as the Dr. said, chewing the gum is better than all the crap and tar in cigs.
I haven't spoken to him in a while about it, mostly because I'm scared he'll get all pissy with me and accuse me of interfering. I just feel a bit helpless really, but thank you all for your advice - I really appreciate it.
As an update, I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday about N's smoking, and apparently he's "almost quit" - I'll let you know what has occurred as and when I know. Thanks for all the support, though, guys, I really appreciate it!!!
