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Wtf?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by travelinsoul21, Apr 21, 2010.

  1. Well I have been talking to this guy for a few weeks, things seemed like they were going well, and this he just quit texting, quit replying, quit everything. I don't know what happened. I mean the conversations were getting deep and he seemed okay. Any advice?
     
  2. I mean everytime i talk to someone, it seems like they disappear after a while. how can I find someone who wont just up and leave after we've talked for a while?
     
  3. Revan

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    Umm don't take this as wrong, but maybe don't talk to them by texting? Maybe meet them or call?
     
  4. Well we were gonna meet, we just hadnt got around around to it yet.
     
  5. Lexington

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    If somebody "vanishes" like this, all you can do is (as they say) leave the ball in their court. Leave one more message - however you guys normally communicated - saying "Hey, haven't heard from you in a bit. Hope everything's OK. Hit me up when you get a sec." That's it. If he wants to contact you again, he will. Now, spend your time on people who ARE still talking to you. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. But dating wise, no one else is talking to me. And I don't know how to make the change
     
  7. Lexington

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    ^ Well, that's a bit like clinging to a safe while drowning in the ocean because "that's all I have!" If it ain't helping, let it go.

    If you don't have any more leads, go make some. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  8. How can I show interest without seeming desperate?
     
  9. Lexington

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    The same way you show you're thirsty without gulping down your drink - show a bit of restraint. There's usually quite a spectrum between "interested" and "desperate". Continuing a conversation is "showing some interest". Nudging the conversation along is showing some more interest. Begging "please talk to me" is being desperate. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  10. Well i will try and see how it goes. Ugh
     
  11. Filip

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    It is worth to note that with any conversation purely through text or through chat you inevitably don’t get a lot of information. How long has it been since this guy stopped talking to you? If it hasn’t been too long, it’s always possible that something urgent came up and he’s just not accessible for a couple of days...

    As for not seeming desperate: how many times did you try to contact him after losing contact? Having a single message asking if everything is all right when you’ve been gone is nice. Finding your phone full of texts and your inbox full of mails asking to reply ASAP can be taken as desperate. If you already asked him to reply a lot, it might be best to wait a week or even two weeks before sending another message.

    Also, you really shouldn’t think of someone as “the only chance I have to date”. That is a pretty desperate thought, and probably it will show through in your responses. And it makes you fixated on this one guy while they may be others you didn’t even notice before. Have you ever discussed dating (as anything more than abstract) with him? It’s often best to just try and get a friendship going first before jumping to dating and going out.

    In any case, don’t let this affect how you talk to others in the future. Sometimes good contacts just fizzle away without an explanation. Never get desperate, though! Even if you can’t see that happening right now, you’re bound to meet interesting new people to talk to!
     
  12. I've only tried 2 times to contact him. It's been about 5 days. I'm not thinking of it as my only chance to date, it just seemed like it was going well and I am just confused as to why it stopped. We never actually discussed dating.
     
  13. RaeofLite

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    I don't know. It seems in that case, then moving on would be your best bet. You've shown interest, carried on conversation but he's stopped the communication. I remember this happened for a bit with this one girl half a year ago (when I was single). I would send her texts and show her my interest in her by inviting her to parties that were being held. She kept saying, "Aaah the minutes on my phone were out. Sorry Lis", or just stopped texting altogether. I shrugged it off and let it go. Months later she texts me asking me out for dinner, although I'm in a relationship so I politely declined.

    But if you haven't acted 'desperate' as Lex and Filip mentioned earlier, then you've done all you can. "Let it be, let it be..." as the Beatles say. Try contacting some gay organizations/clubs in your region. Or facebook groups for your area maybe?
     
  14. Alright well then screw that guy. Who needs him, right? I'll focus my energy elsewhere anyways. Besides, i'm talking to other guys who are still talking to me, so thats all that matters, getting to know people
     
  15. Sylver

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    That's one of the downsides of internet relationships... typed words don't always communicate the whole story.... and now all you can do is speculate...

    At least you've got a positive attitude about it. This is another reason I'm all for developing deep friendships before you ever try to move them to relationships; that way you know the person you're dealing with before you put your heart on the line...
     
  16. Well thats what I'm trying to do. I would never meet someone from the internet without first having talked to them for an extended period of time so that I could get to know them as best as somebody can before meeting in person