So, I've got grad in a couple months here. I'm thinking there's really no chance of me finding a female date for grad, and all my female friends who said we could go now have actual dates. I was considering asking my one guy friend (I don't know him that well, but he needs a date and I need a date, so it works). He seems like a nice guy and all, and yes he does know I'm a lesbian. I was actually going to ask him if we could go (reminding him, of course, that it'd be as friends), until my friends so kindly informed me that the boy is obsessed with me. He's got it in his head that he is going to turn me straight (or at least bi) so that he and I can date. He has not said this to me, of course, but from what I've heard he spends hours talking about me, and exactly how he plans to turn me straight. I'm really frustrating, because I was hoping to have a date for grad. I want to sit down and talk to him, explain that we could go to grad as friends. However, if he already thinks he can turn me straight, I have a feeling he'd try something. Moreover, I don't care to mess with his emotions. Urgh, I don't know if I should just give up on my plans, or what.
I'd say feel free to talk to him. You don't have to decide until after the talk. Just pretty much say what you've said above. "I know we're both dateless for grad, and so I was thinking perhaps we could go together. However, I'm concerned by some things that I've heard. Namely, that you've been thinking you can 'turn me'. And frankly, it ain't happening. I'm gay. Nobody can turn me straight. I think it'd be fun to go to grad with you, as friends, but not if you're hoping somewhere in the back of your head that it's a step forward towards 'straightening me out'." Lex
Lex is right. What are your alternatives? If you continue and go to grad with him and things go as you are anticipating, then you'll only have yourself to blame because you knew in advance that it was a strong possibility. On the other hand, if you pass on this without talking to him about it, you might be passing up a very pleasant evening for the both of you. In general people don't talk enough, so let me join the club and say you should discuss this with him openly. Then see where it goes from there...
Well, I talked to him. Basically said that I do value our friendship, but I can't have him trying to turn me straight, because no one including myself can ever do that. His response? "You don't understand, you're the only person I've ever felt this strongly about. Please, just give me a chance? You'd probably realize you're not gay if you gave me a chance." And nothing I can think to say is going to convince him otherwise, not that I did not try. Oh well, no big deal if the grad date thing doesn't work out. I just pray he doesn't spend months of his life trying to "turn" me, to no avail.
He's... not necessarily the most intelligent human being to ever roam the earth. I'd say he's more deluded than dense, though. xD
You'll need to tell him that relationships aren't will to power. He can fall in love with a brick wall, and sit there waiting for the wall to feel the same way because his love is so strong. Guess what? Ain't gonna happen. Don't go to the dance with him. Not even as friends. It'll only add to his delusion. Lex
Oh, trust me I know. I'm not even going to mention anything to do with grad to him. And I did make a comment similar to your point (although I do wish I'd thought to use the analogy of a brick), but there's no swaying him. He just keeps saying I need to "give it a chance." I'm not going to spend further time arguing with him; clearly he's not going to change his mind... but that's really not my problem, it's his.
Aha... alright, that I will have to repeat to him. Thanks for the well needed laugh :lol: Personally, I may also look into taking a brick to grad. Kind of the strong, silent type, you know?
This guy doesn't seem to be getting it...lol but you've done everything you can...DEFINITELY don't take him lmao. But honey you're so hot I'm sure you can find a guy friend (or girl) to go with you.
Does this forum have a "follow" function because Lexington... your posts always entertain and educate with their truthiness. To the OP: It's sad this awkwardness had to happen. But as you said, you got it off your chest and onto his plate so it's his problem now.
Well, thank you . Although it's not such a matter of me not being able to find someone else to go with, as finding someone my extended family would approve of. To say the least, the majority of my extended family is both racist and homophobic, and they are completely unaware I'm gay. My (now disturbingly obsessive friend) fit the bill for the kind of guy they'd want me with: tall, blonde hair and blue eyes. Nothing else is good enough for them. Awful, I know. I'd love to just say screw it, and go with a girl, or even another one of my guy friends (my one friend in particular, he's an amazing friend, and would certainly go with me... but he by far does not fit their "standards". He's not white, and if you're not white they don't even care to talk to you), but they would certainly not approve. When my uncle came out as gay years ago, my entire family save my mother turned their back on him. He's been out for 25+ years, and still they do not so much as look at him. The only people who do talk to him, still, are my mother and I. The same thing is almost certainly going to happen to me. I know I can't hide from them forever, and once I've moved out of this town for university (where 80% of my relatives live), I'm alright with them knowing... because I won't have to get the cold shoulder so directly. So this brings me back to grad, as you're probably wondering why I'm so desperate to please my lovely relatives. It probably seems insane, considering it's really only a matter of time until they totally cut ties with me. But the thing is... I want my memories of them to be good ones. I want to make them happy, so that at least for my grad, and for the two months of summer before I move, I can build some good memories of them. I want something positive to reflect on... so that, after they learn I'm a lesbian and I become dead to them... I can at least have something nice to remember them by. My apologies for that long post, I guess I just needed to vent.
Well, here's the issue. If you DO go to grad with Mr I'll-Make-You-Straight, then you are NOT going to make your memories good ones. Your memories of your extended family will be "because of the pressure they influenced on me, I ended up going to grad with somebody I had no interest in". If you want good memories of your family, go spend time with them. And then either go to the dance with who you want, or lump it. Lex
