I'll try not to make this too long. Basically, I need advice about "coming out" at my new job. At my last few jobs, I never really cared to make it known that I'm bisexual (at least I think that's what I am. Definitely not totally straight but never been with a girl before, though I'm more attracted to them than guys). I've always been perfectly fine with people assuming that I'm straight and not correcting them when it comes up in conversation. I just felt like the coworkers at my last jobs didn't need to know cuz we weren't really close or anything and I knew the jobs would be temporary. Now, I started a new job a few weeks ago and the atmosphere is totally different. Everyone's a very tight-knit sort of family that gets together outside of the workplace to encourage unity and teamwork and whatnot. And this isn't just a temporary job either. This is THE place to be and once people get hired they usually don't leave for 10 to 15 years because it's just that great of a place to work. It's definitely a place that I want to be at for a long, long time. (To make it clear, I'm a vet tech and job is at a highly-renowned specialty and emergency vet hospital). So I've been thinking... if everyone is that close and I plan on being there for as long as possible, it feels wrong to be using a "false identity" by letting everyone assume I'm straight when I hope to be bringing a girlfriend to the company BBQ in the next few years. I feel like I've been living a lie these past years by pretending to be straight and in love with only guys when that just isn't true. I want to be honest with these coworkers that I've begun to view as friends and with myself. I guess I'm just a little worried about how they might treat me, even though I know I shouldn't be because two of the guys that work there are gay. But the vast majority of my coworkers are women and as far as I can tell none of them are bi/lesbians and I don't want to make them uncomfortable if my being honest is going to make them think that I'm always checking them out or they misconstrue any physical touches as being "something else". (Sometimes physically contact between coworkers is unavoidable, like when restraining a very unruly and large Great Dane and five people are practically huddled on top of each other in order to prevent said dog from leaping off the table and attacking everyone in the building). It's not like I plan on making a big deal out of being bi or walking in and announcing it at the top of my lungs. I just figure, if someone asks, I'll be honest with them. Like in the past when people have asked me, "do you have a boyfriend? How about a girlfriend?" this time I would like to honestly answer, "I do have a girlfriend" instead of saying "I don't have a boyfriend." I just want to start being honest with myself and those around me when it comes to my sexual orientation and lifestyle and, in essence, who I am... but I'm terrified that I'm going to screw up at this job. It's just too important for me to mess up. ...And this was way longer than I wanted it to be. Sorry. :eusa_doh:
I see that your location is Colorado. Obviously you know your state laws and your workplace better than any of us do, so in many ways you're already best qualified to give yourself advice. But I'll chip in my two cents, since you're looking to hear from other people. I have two part-time jobs. I'm out at one, to everyone except senior management (who are people I pass in the corridor about once a month), and I'm out at the other job only to one person who I knew before I started working there. Because I work in the UK, and we have good legal protections against discrimination, my decisions to be out or not are based on how well I know my co-workers, rather than any kind of fear of consequences. I'm out at the job I've had for a few years, and not out at the one I've had for a few months. If there are a few (I guess openly) gay guys on staff, I'm guessing you have nothing to worry about if/when you come out to the management. So, its up to you to wait until you feel comfortable telling your colleagues. Maybe tell the gay guys first; they might have some insights for you. At the very least, you'll know they'll react well! Good luck!
I understand where you're coming from, but let me clear up a bit of confusion first. You say you'll be honest if asked. But you put that in terms of "If they ask if I have a boyfriend, I'll say that I actually have a girlfriend", and that you want want to bring a girlfriend to the BBQ. But early in the post, you say you've "never been with a girl before". So right now, this girlfriend is just hypothetical. In which case, right now, if asked, you probably wouldn't say "No, I have a girlfriend". You'd probably just say "Uh, no." Because it's hellaciously easier than saying "Well, actually right now I'm not seeing anybody. I hope to find a girlfriend soon, but I'm not gay - I'm bisexual. And so I might have a boyfriend before a girlfriend. It kinda depends." That said, I wouldn't fret too much. Between the atmosphere you describe, and the fact that there are two openly gay guys there, it sounds like nobody's gonna have any issue with it at all. (And despite what some may think, I'd venture to say most jobs in Colorado wouldn't have much issue with it.) So feel free to keep the chit-chat up, and if you find an opening, take it. "I've been wanting to find a girlfriend, but I've just been so busy lately to even devote any time to it" is a really easy way to do it. Lex
