ok so i have been reading this book, the vast fields of ordinar by nick burd, i just finished it. but the book had such an impact on me tht i dont even full understood what happened. this is problay making no sense. the book wasn't some highly intellectual read or self help book just a really good gay teen novel maybe one of the best i've read, but the story really hit me. I felt so relatable to the main character tht i started to subconsiously adopting his life sorta. which is and isnt a bad thing. anyway. i had a crush on this dude at my school, we'll call him B, and for a while we flirted with eache ther then i had by bff try to find out if he was gay by asking his bff all i got bck was "he could be" wow. thaks tht helped so much so i started to become bitter about my relationship with B. then while i read this book i decided to stand up for my self, and to be less introverted and stuff, li even came out to my dad because of this book, ill post a coming out story later short version is he said he loved me and didnt care whoever i loved. yeah sweet. tears all tht jazz. but bck to my stroy, at my school we've been taking standerized testing all month long cuz im a junoir and the test suck so i've kinda been a little pissy soo last tuesda i decied to embrace my inner bitch and ran with it. i was a totla dick to everyone even B, but i did apoligized to my bff so she couldnt freak out on me. so yeah i think this book has had such an imapct, now i have the urge to get high but idc bout tht, its the new crush i've developed in place of B. Theres a guy in my ap english class who is a total douche. he and the teacher fight like everyday and hes a prick to everyone. i've always hateed him bcuz hes like really meean and says some pretty ignorant things, but on the plus side hes really hot. i didnt used to think this. all of a sudden i find my self like obseesing over him which i hate myself for cuz i know for a fact he doesnt like me at all and at least w my last craush there was a possibility of us getting together. with M theres no possible happenings. i dont know what to do though. i sorta like my new attiutude sans the bitchy, but im not happy tht i like M but i cant stop. i tried to tell my friends tht the heart wants what the heart wants, but they dont like tht i have a crush on M. can anyone relate or help? sorry for the lenght, my friends r tired of me venting .:lol: