Since I've started coming out and mainly since I've come out to my mom, I've begin to notice that she is quite dependent on me, mainly emotionally, but she has limited mobility and needs assistance physically as well..... I am just starting college this fall and I've been living at home since I graduated high school 3 years ago. How can I prepare my mom for the fact that in a year or two, I'll be likely transferring to another school somewhere else, and it's not likely that she is coming with me. I am wanting to move out on my own and live my life, but I don't want to leave her high and dry, so to speak....??
Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. So the real test will be when you actually move away. However, there are some things that you can do to lessen the shock. First of all: if you’re making plans, discuss them with your mom. Maybe occasionally pose a hypothetical question about something that you might have to learn when living by yourself in college. This will have the dual effect of making the thought more real in her head, and actually getting her input on how to handle things living alone. Also, she might feel that by giving advice, she has a grip on the situation. If you go there, and it’s possible to have her over, even for a short visit, then do so! If she sees where and how you’re living firsthand, she’s dealing less with this hypothetical place out of her imagination, and she can picture you in your real environment. If you both have computer and internet access, keeping in regular contact is remarkably easy. Skype is free, as are other messaging and voicechat programs. Just a quick update call every so often (could be daily, could be weekly, could be any interval in between) can make her feel like you’re still available when she needs you. One thing that might not be so intuitive is: don’t allow yourself to be entangled too much. It’s natural to want to help out your mom. But on the other hand, being dependant sometimes comes from allowing yourself to be dependant. After my dad died, my mom became quite dependant on me. When I found a job on the other side of the country, I moved away. At first, I had to solve a lot of problems (mainly monetary and IT-related) over the phone, but by occasionally having to do things for herself she quickly developed more confidence and her dependancy decreased a lot. I hope this helps a bit! It's going to be an adjustment, but you can both get through it and even become better from the experience!
