Hi guys is it normal when people find out you are Gay or Bi-Sexual that they make jokes about it and find you funny in every way? It's like they don't believe it and then just well think you are weird... My problem is also that I can't outer myself because I am scared to be laughed at and been made jokes off. Sorry if I don't make much sence :help: Eddy (&&&)
Hi there! If you do come out to friends or to others, it is certainly not okay for them to make fun of your sexual identity. If they don't believe it it is their problem not yours. You have done what you needed to do. If people don't understand it or feel it is a joke, just say it is not and that you wish that people would not make fun of it. Real or true friends will understand that. Sometimes though people might need a bit of time accepting or coming around to it and realize that you are being serious with them. For some laughing or making jokes is like a defense mechanism or they do it because they are not sure how to react to it. What to do? Continue to be yourself and act as you always do around your friends or people to whom you have come out to. Show them that your sexual identity and your coming out to them doesn't change anything in terms of your relationship with your friends. Hopefully as people come around to understanding it and stop making fun of it, you will gain some of the confidence back that let you come out in the first place. If you can, maybe try joining a LGBT support group, which usually offers a safe space and allows you to get to know new people and perhaps make some new friends. Having a support network on which to lean and be able to rely upon will help you as well in re-gaining some confidence and motivation in continuing the coming out process. Hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
I think it is entirely normal for people to be afraid of the consequences of coming out. You worry that you might be made fun of, beat up, lose friends, etc. There are a lot of great coming-out stories out there, but the main problem with any issue is that the horror stories are what really stick in our mind when we're worrying. If you do decide to come out to your friends, just remember what their attitude was like before you came out. If they make fun of you now (I know my friends and I make fun of eachother all the time), chances are they'll pick up on your heterosexually-challenged lifestyle and make fun of it, but they likely don't intend to be truly offensive. They just continue the usual play, with an additional topic to use. If your friends have difficulty with the situation, they might make gay jokes a lot more too. Some people use humor to try and get through a stressful time. Some friends might also become the "super protector of gay rights", trying to prove to you (and more so to themselves) that they are ok with it. Think about how long it took you to admit it, and realize that they're going through a similar process, and everyone has different coping mechanisms. If you ever are actually offended by your friends, just tell them. If they're your real friends, they'll respect your wishes. Random strangers or simple acquaintances however, I feel should not be joking about your sexuality unless you do first. (&&&)
There's sometimes a period of "adjustment" when friends and colleagues aren't sure how to approach you once they find out. They may try "joking about it" or some such. It's key to be patient, but let them know if they get out of line. If they persist, feel free to lay down the line. Lex
I guess it depends on the crowd you run with. I have several good friends who are straight and they never miss a chance to make some good-hearted jokes ("Hey, i'm going to the store, do you like fruit? I mean, i guess I know you like fruits, but do you like the kind they have in the produce section?") and frankly, I love it. I think a lot of it depends on how comfortable you are with yourself. As you become more comfortable, there's a lot to laugh at about gay culture and gay people and gay stereotypes. (The Sacramento gay center, which is getting a new Exec Director, has a lesbian in the running. I said, to the current ED, "I think that would be good. We had a gay ED (him) who redecorated the interior, now we need a lesbian to rewire the place and put a new roof on.") So I think those sorts of jokes, if you can see the humor in them and the intent with which it's said, are great. If they're hurtful, then of course obviously not. My guess is your friends may make some jokes, but they probalby won't be ones that are intended to be hurtful. I'd say, as you get comfortable with it, just being able to laugh at yourself is an amazing thing.
In my experience, it depends on how they act afterward. I know that when I first came out to all my friends, they were sensitive about that subject and didn't really do or say much. But, once I've become more comfortable, I started cracking jokes about my sexuality and they started doing it as well. Now, I find myself joking about my sexuality (like, saying to them, "oh, this is just a phase. Once I'm done with high school, it's all downhill from here" ) and they know it's a joke and everyone gets a laugh
When i copme out people did the same then evenaly came around to it, and different people react differently my mum laughted and my dad was supportive. it is just the way the cookies crubles.
Are you speaking from experience or are you speaking from fear? More often than not our fears are much worse than what actually happens. I'll bet that most people in your life really won't care one way or another that you're gay/bi, or they'll be happy that you're just being yourself with them. But... there are always a few, and I can say from my own experience that some people in high school can be pretty nasty or inconsiderate. Make sure you look at what's behind their comments. Some of them are just insensitive or ignorant, but otherwise don't mean you any harm. Others really do think it's funny and are genuine with their jokes. Unfortunately some will be using jokes to deal with their discomfort or even to attack you - just remember that most of them are dealing with issues of their own and are just taking it out on you. I believe this explains much of homophobia in society - there are dark secrets lurking behind the facade of homophobia that many put up. That doesn't make it any easier to take, but at least you can rest assured that "it's them, not you"!
