I been really struggling with how I should be feeling right now. I know I am not gay but I really don't know. Earlier this year one of my really good friends came out of the closet and really got me thinking. I have always been attracted to women and feel sexually attracted to them. But I am have also always found guys attractive but not sexually at all. The thought of that kind of grosses me out. But I don't know at the same time. I just have been really struggling internally, because I have found this guy attractive and have gotten along with him really well. Then at the same time, I found out recentally that another one of my friends that I have found attractive is also gay. Finding all this out is really hard to deal with and I really don't know what I should be thinking. Advice, thoughts, comments, help anyone?
You might be maybe a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey Scale. Or you might just be emotionally attracted to men but not sexually. There are all kinds of different possibilities. I must say, though, that I used to be "grossed out" by the idea of sex with another woman before I figured out and finally accepted that I wasn't straight; now the idea does not gross me out at all... icon_redf). I think I had been internalizing society's distaste for homosexuality. So that could also be a possibility in your case. Best of luck figuring everything out.
75% of bisexual males are more physically attracted to other males. But 75% also means that there are other guys of different orientations. You are one of those who are physically turned on by girls but are much romantically attracted to guys. It doesn't mean that you won't fall in love with girls or will not have sex with guys. Romance and sex are intertwined and it is possible to forge one having the other. And to answer why you are grossed out by having romantic attractions to guys, I attribute that to cultural influence. Getting to understand the nature of homosexuality and learning to accept yourself will help eliminate that negative attitude. And don't be worried about labels. Language never evolves fast enough to express changes in our scientific and social repertoire. And science is only on the frontier of discovering the natures of our sexual orientations. So don't let other control how you think and feel with their use of labels. Live your life the way only you know it.
First of all, welcome! Hopefully you'll be able to find out more about your feelings here! Don't get too hung up on what you should feel. No one can tell you that. Numbers and percentages of the population can't inform what you feel. at most only how many people feel the same. As the others have said, labels are pretty restrictive. there's always ways in which you are going to be slightly different from the stereotype. For example I'm pretty much as sure as I can be that I'm gay. When I think about being romantic or physical with someone, I immedieately think of men. The idea of getting involved with a woman is even slightly gross, if I think of it in any detail. However, that doesn't mean that all women are automatically voids that I can't percieve. On occasion, I do think some women are rather attractive. One or two times, I even sincerely thought "For her, I wish I could be straight". That doesn't make me straight. My feelings for men are still way more all-round. I just take the odd attraction to a women as it comes. Appreciating people is a rather enjoyable activity! So maybe you're the same, just from the straight side. it just means you're not blind to people out there, even if you'll never get into a relationship with them. And there's nothing wrong with that. Just pursue relationships and intimacy with people you fall in love with, and if you see an attractive guy, then just appreciate the attractiveness. Then again, there is a possibility that you're more attracted to guys than you think, and you're just mentally blocking yourself by wondering what you should feel or whether you should be grossed out. As a lot of gays and bisexuals can attest, it is pretty easy to get hung up on what others consider the "ideal relationship" and force your feelings along that route. I think the best way to explore your own feelings is to just let your mind wander on occasion, when you think of someone attractive. Don't stop and say "but where is my mind supposed to wander?" Just let it run its course. It might teach you where you normally gravitate to. Also, what could help is to just look around this place. The forums are full of stories of people in doubt. Maybe you'll find a story that resonates and can give you more insight. Above all, don't feel pressured. Finding out everything about yourself isn't a race. If it takes some time to come to a full understanding, it takes some time... I hope this helped a bit?
I'm in that 25% bracket... the funny thing is that once you admit it to yourself, you start seeing guys as hot all the time... win/win? (!) EDIT: Filip mentions a "mental block". I agree, as I had that exact thing going on for years. Every time I'd think of guys I'd mentally chastise myself with "that's gay! Knock it off!" and refuse to think about it. I got better.
Don't shut out options, would be my advice. It's possible you're gay, bisexual, straight, and anything inbetween (or not). Society teaches us all to try and be normal, not to stir things up, but if that happens than society becomes stagnant and dies. While being a bit heterosexually challenged is not normal (don't yell at me, it's the numbers), there's nothing wrong with it. Being left-handed isn't normal either, but we don't punish people for it (not anymore, at least). If you feel no sexual attraction towards the man, then you're likely straight. I can tell you that I think Chandra looks great in her picture up there, however, I'm not too interested in having sex with her. It is ok for men to know when another man is attractive. If there is some sexual attraction there though, why not explore it? The worst that happens is that you find out you honestly don't like men, and the best is that you have a whole new world of opportunity open up for you.
Where does this statistic come from? I've never heard anything remotely close to this, and would find it difficult to fathom, given that bisexuality is a continuum (if we use the Kinsey scale, being 0 to 6, then bisexuality would be 1 to 5). I don't think it's accurate. Forty9er11, I think it's too early for you to be able to make any definitive judgments about where you are on the spectrum; a lot of guys, when they are first coming out, are dealing with their own internal denial ("I can't possibly be gay! That would be AWFUL!") and our unconscious will conveniently serve up all sorts of confusing misconceptions to support that denial. So it's possible that, as Chandra said, you're a Kinsey 1 or 2, but it's also possible that, once you allow yourself to really think about what you're feeling, that you'll discover that your feelings for, and sexual attraction to, men are actually stronger than you're able to get your hands around at the moment. One of the best (though not totally reliable) ways of exploring what's really going on is to look at your fantasies. When you look at porn (assuming it's straight porn), where are your eyes going? Are you looking at the guys and girls equally? More at one or the other? When you masturbate, what images are in your mind? If you find yourself thinking mostly about girls, try thinking about guys and just see what happens. You might find yourself not aroused at all, or very little... or you might find yourself rock hard but really revulsed. If it's the latter, then more than likely, you're somewhere on the bisexual-to-gay side of things, but not quite in a place where that's acceptable to you yet. Feel free to message me (either here in this thread, or via PM) if you would like to talk further about this. It's usually not too difficult to wade through the confusion and at least get a better sense of what's going on
Wow thank you guys so much so far! I am overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge and advice you all have given me so far. This is the first time I have ever really talked about what I was feeling about these sorts of things. So many thoughts are running through me mind haha. A lot of you bring up so really good points. The Kinsey scale was a really good eyeopener for me and I really felt like I agreed with the assessment of that I am prolly a 1 or 2. At the same time, I agree with the mental block that when I ever think about those thoughts, I think to myself "Come on that is gay, stop thinking that" I am the type of person that gets along with people really well and am the nice person. Which has been my downfall with women. Having a huge lack of experience with women and being out of college really scares me going forward, not knowing what to do, and not being able to pick up women. I find it interesting that one of my really good friends is able to tell me that they are gay and that does not change my relationship with him at all, I don't look at him any differently and still see him as the same person. Yet I feel I will never really be able to talk to him about this, because I feel like he will look at me differently and our friendship wouldn't be the same.
I remember catching myself all the time, thinking - "Naw, that's gay." Nowadays I catch myself thinking "Damn, she looks good." Confused, but not worried about it.
Honestly, I really do see myself being a straight person in the long run. I mean obviously it is all I have known, but in all honestly I really do not see myself exploring it. I only checked out this website because I heard him talking about it and I wanted to see what it was all about. Like I said, society has made me think the way I am, which trust me I am happy about (I think? ). You guys had made a good point, that just because I may find guys cute does not mean I am gay. Personally, I think no one will ever really know the true ways I may feel. I mean honestly, I really wouldn't know who to talk to because interesting enough I do not want to talk about this with my gay friends. I am so hypocritical, aren't I? They can tell me about his personal stuff, but I can't. I worry to much about what they will think of me.
But dude, that's why the internet exists! You can talk to all of us about it, and still stay anonymous if you want. Even if you do decide you're straight for sure, you should still stick around! We need some more straight people on the site
I'm going to be the asshole in this thread, and ask if you really feel you're straight, or if you're just saying that to yourself to justify not dealing with something? I know it's a shitty question to ask, but it's definitely something to think about (I know I finally had to).
HAHA Thats great!!! I doubt that I will actually ever kiss a guy in that way. Zumbro: I noticed...it does seem like there is no one straight on this site...haha. Either way I am an ally. I have had many friends come out to me and support them all they way. Someone's sexual orientation does not change the way I think about them as a friend.
