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What on earth do I do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Danielle, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. Danielle

    Danielle Guest

    My life is a complete and utter trainwreck and I have no idea on how to even begin the process of fixing it and I can't tell anyone because I am afraid that I will disappoint them which I do constantly already. I guess I will vent all of my issues in the hope that finally expressing my emotions in some form helps me out.

    Firstly, I have to take three anti-depressants everyday which I would have no problem doing if it was actually helping my out in terms of my depression but I am even more depressed than before I started taking anything and I have no idea why because it isn't like much has changed between then and now and I have told my psych this but she seems to not do anything about it when I jumped far out of my comfort zone by just going to a psych.

    Secondly, My transition is going absolutely nowhere and that is just unacceptable right now, I need this so badly but no-one in my life sinces to realise just how much I need this and I can't tell them that because I am so afraid of letting them all down another time because that is all I due recently. For me transitioning is a life and death situation because for me to even have a chance of being remotely happy I need to be able to live as a girl.

    There are many other things wrong with my life but if I can start doing anything to help change both of those things I think that I might actually look foward to the future instead of the chance of me not having a future.
     
  2. Eleanor Rigby

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    First thing (*hug*).
    Second one : take a big breathe, close your eyes and exhale slowly until your lungs are empty... It's done ? Do it again... Good :slight_smile:
    Now, take one thing ate a time.
    Depression : you're taking anti-depressants but they make you feel worse. First thing : how long have you been taking them ? Sometimes it could take a little time for anti-depressant to start making you feel better. But it is possible too that it's not the dosage is not appropriate, or that this specific molecule isn't acting properly for you.
    You said you have told your psychiatrist, I suppose she is the person who sprescibed it to you. If you have the feeling she hadn't been listening, then you have to tell her another time that you don't feel fine with your treatment. If she still doesn't listen, maybe you might want to see someone else.
    Another thing you can do is to tell your doctor. They might either be able to contact your psychiatrist and tell them you haven't been feeling fine with your treatment, or trying to adapt it themselves.
    Transition : I completly understand that having the feeling your transition doesn't go anywhere must be very frustrating. But it's a long process.
    My question will be, are you out to your family ? If it's the case, maybe you could start living as a girl, at least at home, if it's not possible for you to live completly as a girl yet. I understant this is not exactly what you want, but a baby step is already a step.
    If it's not possible for you to live as a girl yet (whether it's at home or anywhere else), try to plan little moments where you can be yourself, or little things that will remember you that, even if it's not at full speed, you're progressing. It might be wearing nail polish on your toes, wearing a perfume you like, buying some mascara, wax you legs... anything that will remember you that, even if it's not visible for others yet, you know who you are.
    Take care, and don't hesitate to message me if you want to, many (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  3. Lexington

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    I'd say it might be a good idea to print out your post and hand it to your psychiatrist. It may be (as ER suggests) that the meds take some time to kick in, but they definitely should've TOLD you that, not just said "OK, just keep taking them." If your psychiatrist dismisses your concerns again, I'd say it's time for a new one.

    Lex
     
  4. fragomatrick

    Regular Member

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    All that helped me when I almost went crazy was to accept what bothered me the most and move on..... try doing that ....and its way better than taking medicines..... if its losing the people around you ,,you say you would accept it ... and move on .. i know it sounds crazy but it works..try it ...
     
  5. Danielle

    Danielle Guest

    I have been on my anti-depressants since November last year and they were helping me out for a while but now they seem to have no effect at all.

    I am very aware that transition is a long process and I am out to my family (Immediate Family) and they tell me that they are fine with it but I can't stop felling that I am a disappointment to them because of it so I find myself want to ask them if I can live as a girl at home but I find myself to scared to express that to them.
     
  6. Eleanor Rigby

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    As your anti-depressants have been working for a while, it's possible that the problems you encounter with them come from their dosage. I really think you have to tell clearly to your psychiastrist that you are definitly not happy with them, and that she has to do something about it.
    As Lex said, if she keeps not listening, it'll be time to see someone else.

    Concerning your transition, the question is to know if you're ready for this.
    You have told your family and thay are supportive, that's great ! Now, the next step would be, as they are fine with this, to be truly yourself among them and live as a girl at home.
    I don't say asking them to live as a girl at home is going to be easy, but that can help you to feel better and to be truly yourself at least a few hours every day. And there is no reason to think you're a disapointment to them because of that. First it's not your fault that you're born the wrong gender, and second you'll still be the same person, except that your true self would have a chance to express itself.
    I am not saying either that it's going to be easy for your parents at first. I'm sure you're more informed that I am on that matter, but through the readings I had done it seems that parents of transgender people go through a time where thay have to grieve their son or daughter when they start transitioning. But if your parents are going to go through the feeling they are loosing their son, I'm sure they also will realize soon they are gaining a daughter instead, and a much happier daughter than their son was.
    Of course it’s entirely up to you, and the right moment for you to live as a girl among your family will be the one you’ll choose, but don’t let your depression speaks for yourself and make you feel you’re not going to be accepted when people around you are ok with this.
    And I think it’s something worth to talk about with your psychiatrist too.
    Take care (*hug*)
     
  7. dude99

    dude99 Guest

    well the next important step for you is to live as a girl with the people you associate and it would be a huge step. Comming out is huge and I guess your parents would expect you to look more and more feminine as time goes on. It may be easier for your parents if you no longer looked liked a boy to call you on your new name instead of the name you grew up with when you live yourlife completly as a girl around them.