So I've been burned by dating a ridiculous amount recently so I've just retreated back into my habit of having a decent sized circle of friends with benefits (don't worry I always use protection). I suppose I have a couple of questions related to this. 1. Is it wrong of me to, while not saying I'm not fooling around with other guys, to not be more forthcoming about the fact that I'm fooling around with other guys? 2. I'm getting the impression that some of these guys might want more, but honestly I'm just not in that mindset right now, any advice for explaining that might be nice, or am I leading these guys on by not having this conversation? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.
1. I guess that depends. Do you know if THEY are fooling around with other guys? Or don't you care? If you're actively avoiding the subject, then yeah - I'd say more disclosure is needed. But if both of you just "hit it'n'quit", then I wouldn't say that you have to have a discussion about it. 2. If you ever get that impression by something they do or say, then I'd tell them. I'd just say "Hey, I think you're a good friend, and I love fooling around with you. But I'm honestly not looking for anything beyond that now." Lex
1. We never talk about it, but I know some of them are because they approach talk about it the same way I do. That's also probably for the best because while I don't care about what I don't know about, but when I do know admittedly even with friends with benefits I tend to be overly jealous and possessive. And as much as I'd like to pretend otherwise, I'm really not much of a "hit it'n'quit" guy, I actually have to be able to get along and spend time with someone outside of the fooling around (with one or two exceptions). So admittedly my fear, to a degree, is that I'm giving them the wrong impression.
Well, if you've got several friends with benefits, but you "Tend to be overly jealous and possessive", then you're gonna have your work cut out for you. Because basically, you're insisting on two different codes of conduct - one for you ("I can sleep with whoever I want") and one for them ("you can't sleep with anybody but me"). I'd say you have two options. Either work on getting over those feelings, or only sleep with guys with low self-esteem who don't mind being on a "list", and won't look for anything outside of that. I know which I'd suggest. Lex
Yeah, my usual strategy is to just internalize it, but again it's not so much them fooling around with other guys, I just don't really want to hear about it. I've definitely been trying to be less jealous lately, it's not as big an issue in a friends with benefits situation, but definitely in a relationship it's bit me in the ass (one of the reasons I'm not in any rush to actually be in a relationship right now). And honestly, you're right, it's not fair of me to place guys on a list, but that said having been on a "list" before myself (which sucks), I don't really feel as guilty as I probably should for doing so. Yeah, I know, I'm a terrible person lol.
I'm only terrible when it comes to sex and dating (and I'm working on that). In the rest of my life I'm a pretty nice guy.
