before I start, I will say sorry if this is long. Also sorry for how unorganized it may be, I am just typing it as I think of it, and this is a good example of how my mind works. ok so I have a situation: seeing as it is the end of the school year, I kinda want to come out to someone. thing is, that the person I would want to come out to (I will call him T), is one of my best friends, a crush of mine (I wasn't even thinking of telling him that yet), and I keep getting mixed signals on how he feels about LGBTQ people. Before I go on, I want to say that I am not exactly popular at school, therefore, I really don't want/need to lose him as a friend. I have actually thought about how much I would hate losing him as a friend. T and another one of my friends, M, have both been over to my house before, one of those times, the TV in the living room was on the show Clean House. T pointed out to M that he thought the designer on the show was gay, which is true. I used this as a little test by saying that I had seen pictures of the designer and his boyfriend together online. T reacted negatively to this by muttering something about it being a bit wrong. Other than this, I don't think I have heard him say much else anti-gay (except when he heard Lily Allen's Fuck You. he laughed at the 'so you think it's not ok to be gay' line). Now I know M is not very LGBTQ friendly, but seeing as I have not known him as long as I have T, I don't care as much. I have another friend, A, who is also friends with T and M, (T and M are good friends too, if you didn't pick up on that) A is supposed to be very LGBTQ friendly, but I also don't want to strain her friendship with M and T by coming out. I am thinking that I should come out to A first, but just haven't seen the right time to do so. THis year in school, when T or M need help on the computer, I have been able to help them each time, but if I do come out, I don't want that to be the only thing that would keep the friendship alive, I would want them to truly not care about my sexuality. ok so I guess I want to come out to T or A but I am not sure anymore. Yet again, I am sorry for length, and organization. As I said this is how my mind works, so I think that may be why I can't decide who to come out to and when. I am almost not sure if this is asking for advice, or just ranting/attempting to clear my mind. Anyway, any advice is helpful. Almost forgot: yes i know the 'If they are a true friend they won't care' and 'I have to make the final choice' stuff. problem is that the voice in my head that says those things, is a bit quieter than the other voices in my head.
True, "a true friend won't care", however that doesn't mean that losing them as a friend wouldn't hurt any less. Then of course there is the other side of the coin, the longer you stay friends with the person and the closer you get to the person, the more it might hurt if they won't be your friend because of your sexuality. I also notice that you say you don't want to strain A's relationship with M & T. I assume you mean because you'd be asking her to keep a secret from them. If she's a good friend then it probably won't her that much, I'm sure she has a secret or two kept away from them already Also, you might want to get a more direct understanding of how T feels about homosexuals and all that other stuff before telling him. I don't think I helped any but I hope I did
well, not exactly, what I meant was, if T and M were to quit being my friends, while A continued to be my friend, would this cause any strain on her friendship with T or M because they feel that they can't be friends with me? I definitely need to do that.
To be honest, I highly doubt any of your friends would just drop you. If anything they'd give you a chance. If you dont try you'll never know how they'll react. muttering an anti-gay thing doesnt really say anything. I have a friend who says anti-gay things and racist things sometimes, but he's always just kidding and we know that. He's got plenty of gay friends and is all about gay rights. So I think you're over thinking this. If you know them well enough you should be able to put yourself in their shoes and then think of what they would do realistically.... They probably wont say "Aw YUCK! I'm never talking to you again!"
ah well like taylor said, I highly doubt that your friends will just drop you. You shouldn't worry about them leaving you.
