I REALLY hope you guys can give me advice on this. I don't want to come across like a charity case...and I am SURE that a lot of us here go through this/have gone through it so here it goes: I feel really lonely. I have few friends and they are always away in school and I only see them for a while when they come home for Xmas and Summer break. I go to a commuting school where everyone goes home at the end of the day. B.c of this, they don't feel obligated to make friends since they are not living there. All I do is go to school, come home, do homework, and then go to work. I work at retail which is really bad sometimes b.c people are beyond rude and disgusting. I do not go out, I do not go to clubs or bars (I've heard bad things about the bars and clubs and I won't be 21 until this October). I REFUSE to become involved with the "gay scene" and community of my state b.c I've had horrible experiences and heard bad things about it. 95%+ of them are interested in: drama, drinking, hooking up, nonsense. I have no time for that. I feel like I am respectful and have morals (though I have my moments of anger and such). At school there are few clubs and I'm not really interested in joining any of them. What are my options here? I feel very lonely. I do have a BF but he lives in Florida at the moment and won't be moving up here for a while (he won't even be living in the same state as I am. He will be four hours away). I feel like our relationship is non existant. I feel awful. Really awful. Sometimes I get sad and cry b.c I feel really really lonely and I feel that I have no friends whatsoever. I'm finding it a bit difficult to fit in here to be honest...it's just hard. :/ What are my options? I am looking to volunteer somewhere this summer and change my job. I really hope so. I am sick of being stuck at work/commuting school/and home.
And I thought I was the only one thinking what you're thinking about the "gay scene". You can make friends at work. That's what I do, because I feel like people at school are more independent. They go to school, then home and that's it... they already have their friends from high school. At work you're a team and you can get to know each other much easier. And volunteering is a very good idea! You'll get to know a lot of good people. In the meantime, stay happy and stick to the friends you have. (*hug*)
The gay scene isn't just gay bars and casual sex. In most places there are support groups and social groups aimed at the queer community - if you have an open mind and don't automatically denounce anything queer as being all about hooking up, you could find something you might otherwise have overlooked. A quick Google search brought me to the Connecticut Gay Men's Chorus, which could be an option if you enjoy singing, and the Gay Connecticut Pink Pages, where you could find a social group or something else of the like. Try getting in touch with your local PFLAG as well.
I feel the same way. Problem is here, where there is a gay scene, its all about drama and hookups. There is a LGBT group of people with a website and (supposedly) a community center where I live, but I'm not yet comfortable enough to go there and I'm not dating anyone, because every guy I was talking to just disappeared. Life is just so freaking awesome right now. If I didn't have my cousin, I'd probably scream, but I do have her, at least we can talk and she is a good listener
I have tried a support group and found it to be VERY cliquey... After the meetings most of them would go off to a gay bar, something I am not comfortable doing. And yes I have heard that PFLAG is wonderful so I believe I will give it a try. I would like to make some friends on here, even if it's just an "internet friend". A friend is a friend, right? I know there are a lot of wonderful people on here. I'll just have to get involved more. Thanks for advice guys! (*hug*)
I only have one one person i can talk to because he is in the same possicion(he is bi) and i dont go out and i think the whole of my class is straight and/or homophobic so i have no chance of a boyfriend an i am realy lonely and have no intersts in gay bars or any thing like that (i am very conuse of who i am and my mind is still conserned of what people think). So likely hood of finding any body is remote. The only other people who i can talk to is my dad and stepmum, but they have no idea what i am realy going throw. But at lest you have somebody were i have no boyfriend. What i am tring to say is yes i am to lonley but at lest i have done it to my self, and it i bloody deserve it, because i ain't made and effert and i will proberly live that way my whole life because i am to much of a coward to exeped beself and change and to not give a dam about what people say because i try and please others first and try and conform were it is impossable for me to. (sorry i am just rabbling on about something unprotant and off topic(i am rabbing on about my sorry life, so take no notice of the unimportaint rabble), so again sorry)
Don't worry about it. And don't be too hard on yourself!!!!! Don't ever say "I deserve all the bad things that are happening to me." We are all capable of change. All you have to do is try. I know that sometimes your environment won't let you, but I'm sure that there are little loopholes here and there that can comfort you. For example, you have people on here you can talk to! It may not be in person but at least they are here for you! If you need help with anything else let the community know !
kick up a conversation, in school, at work, whatever and try to talk to people, use that as a stepping stone to making some new friends in your area
I'm barely out so EC is the place where most of my friendships are for the time being. It has been really helpful to me. It can't remain the solution forever but it is great for now. I hope EC can be this for you. If I can help in any was, pleas PM me or "wall" me.
you make it sound easy. Were i live people are one of four: 1.homophiobe 2. Straight 3. Taken 4. People you would not want to touch with a mile long metal pole never mind talking to them. Also i have no real means of getting around (i do have a push bike, but that would get nicked or i would be to tired to find any body). So i am stuck with nobody to date and there is no chance of anybody taking me any were to (because my parents either are to tired or h8 driving) and i have no source of income because of no jobs going. So at this rate i have no body forever and even thought i have came out to the most importaint people i feel more lonley and isolated then ever and that is not a good feeling.
hmm, where to start with what i think? You know what, dont listen to people about what they say about places. once you feel able to or can, go check these things out for yourself. They aint that bad and its what you make of them yourself. I hve a blast when im out usually. i tend to block out the guys that are pretty much out there looking for one thing only. all i want is a laugh and a dance. also you shouldnt get too down. from what you say, you sound like a right down to earth and sensible lad. if your at work, thats a good place to make friends. most my friends are from work. and there is always people online to chat too. add me if ya want. i never say no to adding new people and getting to know em.
I was in the same situation you're in back in August. I was alone alot because all my other close friends went to different colleges. And, I was really shy and introverted, and I really wouldn't initiate convos with anyone. SO, one day I decided to join an organization (debate team), and I made some great friends there, and it made my first year in college ALOT better. I know you said you weren't interested in joining any organizations at school, but there's nothing outside of the college that interest you? And, I know how you feel about clubs/bars; so I see where you're coming from... Anyways, let us know how things turn out.
Thank you guys for the advice. I know it's not easy and I am by NO means trying to make it sound easy. TRUST me, I've struggled ridiculously my entire life. There are two groups that I am interested in: PFLAG and a place called "The Rainbow Room" in a GLBT clinic 20 minutes away from where I live. I will for sure check those places out. The thing about people is that I find them to be very unfriendly...at least where I live. I do know some people at work that I should probably hang out with more. But in any case, I will for sure let you guys know how things end up. Keep the suggestions coming and thank you again!
