So its been awhile since I posted. I'm still on the road, my first tour is coming to a close in a few weeks. My tour partner (who I have written about in previous threads) is leaving the tour two weeks early. It turns out he's been talking my manager for awhile, telling him he's unhappy, wants to leave the company and has some relationship issues to take care of. Things have been up and down in that area for him, day where his bf won't talk to him and just shifty moods. In the last month he has broken down and confided in me a lot. Told me that he doesn't have many friends and things have just been hard. That the only reason why he can't hang out with me is because he's prone to cheating and has on his bf and that he was afraid his bf would leave him if he hung out with me even as a coworker. I know most of you have gotten on to me about keeping my distance and staying away. I'm not sure if him and I have moved closer or not. My manager had realized that I wasn't the problem (nor did he ever thought) but the fact my tour partner constantly talked to him about leaving, I think my manager knew how miserable I was. So he not only did it for him, he put me with one of my friends to finish out the last two weeks of tour so that I could be refreshed for the summer and other tours with the company. In my mind I think its best I delete the guys number from my phone. That its best I do not talk to him now that I'm not entitled to, but I feel for him and I feel he needs a friend and we have moved a lot closer in the last several months. My head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. He told me he doesn't have many people around to listen to him and that he would like to keep in touch, but after I feel the immaturity of the way I was treated by him and his bf. I don't know. I'm sure I know what everyone is going to tell me ... its just hard .. I guess. I don't know why or what the attachment has been!
If something or someone is unhealthy for you, then you should not continue to be exposed to it/them. Although I don't know all the details, feel better!! (*hug*)
Run the other way. Delete his number. Take him off of Facebook or whatever. Seriously. I understand that you want to help him, but you have to work on your own codependency issues, and he is the worst possible person to help you with that. He needs a lot of help and a lot of therapy, not to be sucking energy dry from someone (you) who is already struggling with setting clear boundaries. You can find much healthier people to hang out with who will lift you up and help you grow. He is, unfortunately, not in a place to do that in the slightest, so it's time for you to take care of you
You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness (or unhappiness). The best way to be of help to others is to be standing on firm ground yourself. Peace,
Agreed. You'll be amazed at how quickly you move on when you're able to work with someone who is actually positive and fun to be with. Who 'gives' rather than 'takes' as a friend and coworker. I think you'll quickly realize what you've been missing this whole time - and you'll be thankful that he's gone and out of your life. Let us know in a few weeks if I was right or not.
As time gets closer to say goodbye and know that I may never see this guy again .. its very hard for me for some reason. I don't know. I have problems. I don't get it. I know that I need to let it go when he goes ... I'm not sure what the heck he did to me for me to not want to let go.
as a recovering codependent, I can definitely relate. One of the most valuable things I learned from one of my therapists is that most of us want every event or experience in our lives, particularly with people, to end in a neat and tidy way... we want closure. But sometimes, we just don't get it. No matter what we do. And we have to learn to accept that. In your case, you're seeking his "approval", i think, and that's part of why you want to keep contact. Even though he's a complete mess and has a million problems and was really rude and mean to you, part of you wants to help him, to fix him, to have his approval. It's understandable, but not healthly. Ad Mike said, you really are giving up a lot of your control to him. So... take it back. As hard as it is, just let go and move on. It won't feel great, but as you get used to it, i think it will actually be empowering to you in a small way.
So, all my friends are saying "no", but as a coworker would it be a bad idea to get him a going away gift or is that only pushing myself further into the attachment?
He was a coworker that caused you nearly unending problems, pain, misery, difficulty and probably an extra 6 months tagged onto your therapy schedule. The LAST thing he should be getting is a going away gift from you. Let it go.
Of course, before he left he texted me and told me he was leaving, for me to have a good day and he would keep in touch. Huh?
