1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

'Bad' gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Étoile, May 3, 2010.

  1. Étoile

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,410
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Peach State
    I feel like a 'bad' gay.

    I was searching through a classmate I'm friends with on Facebook's friend list. He and all of his gay friends have buttloads of pictures of them at parties or hanging out with friends. I only have one. I know it's trivial but I feel like I'm being left out of the gay scene in my city. My classmate has already had a boyfriend and he go out with other gay guys. I want in on the experience but I don't know how. I don't drink, I'm not much of a partier (I've only been to one in my entire life), I'm not a social butterfly. I feel out of place no matter where I go, even with my friends sometimes. Ugh. :icon_sad:
     
  2. EWU2012

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2010
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado Springs, CO
    I know how you feel. I see a lot of pics of my friends going out but I dont really have a whole lot. The two girls I am out to at college I have been hanging out more with but it always feels ackward. When it is just the three of us or even if there are a few other people and we are just watching movies and sometimes drinking I feel relaxed. It's when we go out to huge parties at like a frat or the rugby house I get uncomforable. Not sure if it is because of the drunk straight guys and girls or what. I always watch myself to make sure I dont do anything stupid. So yeah I also am not a social butterfly. All I can say is don't put yourself in situations that make you feel very uncomfortable and I hope things get better.
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,767
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    Different people do different things. You're not a "bad gay", you're just yourself.
    If going at parties is not your thing but that you'd like to be more involved in the gay community, join an LGBT association or a GSA. Just do what you're comfortable doing and be yourself (*hug*)
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Étoile, I have a group of friends, ranging from late teens to mid-20s, who sound very similar to you. They don't drink or do drugs, they are not people who enjoy the party scene. But they have a lot of fun -- they go on hikes, bike rides, trips to the river or lake or hot springs together. They have movie nights, potlucks. Some of them make funny videos together that they upload to Vimeo or Youtube. Some are involved in the local gay center or gay groups on their college campuses.

    Just because you don't enjoy the same things as a lot of people you know on facebook doesn't mean you're a "bad gay." It may mean you don't do the typical things that a lot of gay guys seem to enjoy doing, but, honestly, I'd count that as a positive, not a negative.

    It does get harder to find good gay friends when you have interests that are a little different from the majority of the gay people you know. But if you look around, you can find people you will relate to. You just may have to look a little bit harder.
     
  5. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    yeah keep looking, you wont be the only person that is gay and isnt a big party guy!! i myself aint a party animal but i do love goin out every now and then. the whole goin to movies or sittin in the house doing something is more appealing to me. you havent said you wont go out to a party tho. why not contact your friend and see if you can join up with him one time. you never know you might enjoy goin out with poeple more like you. i know i enjoyed goin out to a gay club more than to a normal club. even tho its the same, the atmosphere is different and is more open in there.
     
  6. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you're on the right track. You're starting to define clearly what you want here. You want more social interaction, but you don't want to "party" really. So start thinking - what DO you want? Picture a few social interactions that you DO want, and then start thinking about how best to go about achieving them. Chip gives some good pointers.

    Lex
     
  7. Étoile

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,410
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Peach State
    Thanks for the replies guys. :slight_smile:

    Shopping, going to the movies, walking around downtown and at the park, playing video games, and discussing our problems are things I'd enjoy doing. I do it with my friends now but not nearly enough. gaz83, I would go to a party as long I had a good friend to go with. Sometimes, I shrink in larger groups. Like, mental restraints take hold of me and I can't be as outgoing and fun as I want.