Hey, so there is a place for gay youth really close to my school but the problem is I'm too scared to go. :bang: I really want to but just can't seem to follow through. Does anybody else have a problem like this or experience like this? I know I would be a lot happier if I made some friends with gay people my age but I can't get my foot in the door (pun!)
I have accepted to facilitate a gay youth group meeting tomorrow night (05/05) and am just as terrified as you are... One thing I have found out in general is that people are usually very welcoming. If you do get the courage to go in, you may find that most people there went through the same thing and the same hesitations as you did... they will be understanding and encouraging. Of course, there will be a few a-holes who think they are better than you, but there are always a few; ignore them.
I may not be the best person to give advice because my college has a Pride Center on campus but I have not had the courage to go in when everyone is around except for the grand opening last month. I also went in to order a Gay? Fine by me. t-shirt but that was about it. Are you out to anyone? If so you could ask them if they can go with you for support. You could also see if the center has a telephone number to call them up and talk with someone to get comfortable before trying to go there. Or like I did you could go when you think not a lot of people are there to get used to the setting. Just don't feel like you have to rush into things.
Idk if I'd go if you are not really out at school/to your family and if you don't want to be.... But, if you want to go, just go! Set a day, and force yourself to go no matter what. What's the worst that can happen?
Don't worry, most people have been there, and I'm sure every single people who attend meetings in this place for gay youth have experienced the same fear. There is no obligation for you to go there, but if you want to go, don't let your fear prevent you from doing it. Keep in mind that people there are very likekly going to understand that you feel sacred and ill at ease, because they have been there too. Maybe it would be easier for you to go with a friend you're out to.
You probably aren't the only one who's scared of it. I'd say, just go! I doubt anything bad could happen, right? Young gay people don't (usually) bite, do they? It's a great opportunity, go and make some friends!
I am much more cautious in person than I am here on EC for the time being. Be patient. I can tell you that the in-person support resources I do have are amazingly helpful. At the same time I think a leap of faith here would bring you some amazing support. Peace,
One thing that might help is this - everybody in that gay youth center, at one point, felt precisely like you did. Scared to go. Scared what it would mean. Scared what might happen. They were there, too. So when a nervous newbie walks in the door, they'll recognize what it took to get you there, and presumably work hard to put you at ease. Lex
From my experiences, the only way to conquer your fears is to experience them! I know you are shy but give it a try. Maybe go with a friend or someone who would be ok with going. I'm sure it's not that bad and once you go you will love it!
I have had a similar experience. I recently started going to a queer youth service, and I was very anxious about it. I found that it helped to make phone/email contact with one of the workers there first so that they know you're coming. I suppose also you can just try to rationalise... what is the worst and best that could happen? You'll probably find it's worth the risk. I have been going for monthly dinners to my service. The first one i left before dinner. The second one I stayed for dinner but had a panic attack. The third one I stayed and enjoyed it So as scary as it can be, you really just need to try things. It is the only way to teach yourself you can survive scary things. Good luck, and I hope you manage to go!
Thanks for all the advise guys. I think I'm going to email them first as you suggested mugwump. Since things are winding down at school I'm hoping that I can focus on this because even thinking about going is mentally taxing for me. Baby steps I guess...
Oh my god!! I finally went today! It was pretty awesome, but I have to get up really early tomorrow so I'm gonna go...
Please do tell us what it was like when you have the time. I'm thinking that I'll start going to the local gay youth center when I come out, which will take a week or two months. I'll hopefully be out before summer is over and start living again.
Here's how it went down. I drove by it like three times, wanting to go in but at the same time freaking out a little. Eventually after aimlessly driving for like half an hour in that area I went home. After watching some X-Files with my cat I felt better and went out there again (my brother was at a concert near the youth center so I was going to pick him up too). I got there, parked, and walked to the 7 11 and bought a pack of cigarettes to calm my nerves (I quite but really needed them at that moment). After smoking a few, I walked to the house and opened the door. I was greeted by two guys who made me fill out a form and told me the rules. There was nobody really there besides the people running the house, one guy--I don't remember his name--who was my age and had the same astrology sign as me (aquarius if you're wondering) and a drag queen named Gucci. I hung out there for about 45 minutes because it closed at 930 and I went in at around 845. It was really cool, I talked to some of the volunteers about college, authors I like, and music production. It was a really weird feeling being in a room with only queer people. I guess that's how the hetero-world feels all the time. This was kind of rambly--didn't think I would go into so much detail--but that was pretty much my experience. I'm going to attend a guys group meeting tomorrow and go back on monday when those same people I talked to will be volunteering again. Thanks for you're help everybody!
You know what's funny? I know at least a dozen people who did exactly the same thing you did. Right down to the going and doing something else, then going back. It's so hard getting in there the first time, but once you get past that initial fear... it's a lot easier, as you seem to have discovered. Congratulations on taking that step! Now... throw the rest of those cigs away or you'll be right back where you started. No matter how stressed you are.... you NEVER need cigs, there are always other options.
