May 3rd, 2010 Right now its 10 oclock…there is a lot going through my mind …I just don’t know what to do with my life..Everything I do now all I do is think about my baby boy..I love him so much ..even thou he is not even here yet. In my life I know I have screwed up more than once…I don’t know if this is another screw up or just an improvement..Its just unexplainable in my mind..i wish my thoughts would just come out clear as day ..but no they have to come out all scrambled so I am the only one that understands what is going on with me..I am the kind of person that like to hide when there is something wrong…Lately I have been just staying in the bedroom thinking..thats all I can do lately..theres this song that makes me think about what I have done in my life and how I can make it better in the future …there is a slight problem …I am stuck in the past…I know I am bringing a child into this world but there is a lot improvement needed before that happens…One thing I did wrong was mess up all most of my relationships with friends , family and sufficent others. Another thing is that I sum what messed with my mom and Is relationship in the past but in the past few years I have relized what my mom has done for me..and everything that she has told me, taught me or displined me was for a reason ..not just for the heck of it. If it wasn’t for my mom I would not be the person I am today…I am a very emotional person any little thing said or done ….i will take affencive but that’s me…I have always been that way …sometimes I don’t know how to be happy ..i have to think about ..its just the way I was in my childhood..I had problems in my teen years but I am still trying to get over them but…its okay …there are two people besides my mom that have changed my life ….I am not going to mention any names but yeah (you know who you are)…I know when people say that there are people from your past didn’t make it to my future means but what I don’t get ..im still in the past …I rely on everything now on the past … I wish I could move on ….
Tried to make it a little easier to read so you can maybe get some more help. Sorry if I messed up somewhere in there. Sounds like you have a lot in your mind and all I can say is that you have to learn to forgive yourself. Learn from your mistake and move on. If you keep leaving in the past then you will keep making mistake in the present/future.
Time to haul out one of my favourite passages... Of course this is easier said than done, but nonetheless it is what is required to really achieve peace and serenity in our lives. Your past doesn't include your new baby boy - and he arrives you'll learn that he will become a huge part of your life. If today is the only day that you can have an impact on, make the most of it. Is staying in bed all day making the most of it? Is dwelling on the past making the most of it? Not really. I think we all have trouble at times formulating ideas and expressing them in ways that others can understand. If you're having trouble expressing yourself, maybe you should consider working with a therapist who could help you. If there are things that are unresolved in your past, it might be a good idea to somehow 'put them to bed' so that you aren't distracted by them any longer. Good luck!
