Hello everyone! I need some advice and I hope that someone here will be able to help me. I've been dating this guy for a little over a year now. His name is Will. Things have been great, I felt like I had finally found someone I could stay with forever. I really love Will. Recently, he told me that he's gay (and I'm a straight woman). He said that he was sorry for leading me on, but he couldn't keep living a lie. Needless to say, I'm completely heartbroken...I don't know what to do. I told him that I would always be here for him if he needed anything and I really meant it. I'm supporting him through this because I realize how much courage it must have taken for him to come out and because he is not only my lover but one of my closest friends. But now I don't know what I'm going to do with myself...this isn't the first time this has happened to me. Two of my other ex bf's have turned out to be gay and I'm beginning to doubt myself and I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. I really loved Will and it turns out that he's gay. He stayed with me for a year knowing this, and I know that he didn't mean to, but he hurt me. How can I learn to trust again? How can I get over Will? Is there some reason that I keep falling for guys who turn out to be gay? I'm sorry for all of the questions, but I don't know where else to turn. Please help me. Thanks.
I doubt very much it is something wrong with you and you should not doubt yourself at all. I would say your personality is the type that any guy would want to know you. I say this because for you to have three gay men in long term relationships means your personality is such that it must be very attractive and at the same time, feel safe with. That you are willing to be supportive of these men and their eventual coming out is a testament to you. I applaud your stance and understanding. Getting over someone is not an easy task to do. About the only thing I am aware of is time and change in scenery. Change in scenery is concentrate on some thing different and visit places that don't dig up old memories. Continue dating, but if you happen to find another guy you really like, I think it appropriate before things get along too far you have a serious conversation as to what expectations you both have and I would include that you had long term dating of men who turned out to be gay and that you would appreciate this fellow you be honest and forthright about whether or not he is. That is the most important part of a relationship anyway, clear, open and complete communications. My partner and I have them now and again and believe me some of what had to be said seemed ugly, but we care enough for each other to be as open and honest as we can. We have never had a time when we couldn't overcome what seemed to be the problem and hold our love for each other without tarnish or reservation. So it needs be with you and any potential partner you have. I hope this will help. I wish you the best and whatever you do, you don't need to doubt or question yourself, it was the choices of others and you don't have any control over those.
We have several members here that have been married and came out in later life. Hopefully they will respond and explain things from their perspective. It is definitely not you though. He was probably trying to deny his sexuality to himself, and probably has been doing so for several years. He has now found that even though he is in a loving relationship with you, he still has stronger feelings for guys. I an sorry he has "used" you in this way. Be pleased though that it is only a year or so, and that you do not have children involved and a divorce to go through. You need to move on, as the relationship cannot continue as it is now. Hopefully you can continue to be close friends and support each other through this. Please try not to blame him, though I realise you may have difficulty understanding him. (*hug*)
dnt worry about bein attracted 2 gay guys, its obvious were simply the best =p and ur just attracted to the better ppl, wich is always a gd thing. and 2 get over him well just stay friends with him, keep in touch. might sound like somet tht wud make yu want him from time 2 time but tht wud b better thn goin cold turkey. i cant really offer much help because ive never been out with a guy, let alone one tht says he str8 afta a while. but just stay friends with him, its obvious u care about him and he cares about you, just be glad tht hes being totally honest with you and maybe you can enjoy his new life with him, by just being there for him and when/if he gets a guy u can always introduce urself as the ex and tell him everythin bout will wich cud b interestin. ull find a new guy aswell wich shud help you gettin over will, but keepsupportin him wile he comes out of the closet to everyone else, it can b a tough time for ppl and any support is always greatly welcomed wether its just bein accepted or u bein there when he tells ppl 2 give him confidence
That is tough, particularly that this has happened to you more than once. It is nothing you are doing, I think the fact that you have falle for 3 gay guys is just a conicedence. This is a really hard time in his life, if he is coming out, and he needs you to be strong and to be there for him, as hard as it may be. And, just because he isnt romantically attracted to you, doesnt mean you two still cant be friends, I know someone else who this happened to, and they are best friends now. Hope this helps and good luck!
