My Summer Just Got More Complicated! NEED ADVISE!!!

I went through a similar situation. My sexuality and my secret were getting in the way.

LONG story aside, my parents understood why I had to drop out of two courses and why I wasn't doing so well. Fortunately, I was able to get good grades in the long run. What I'm trying to say is that since my personal issues (similar to yours) were in the way, they understood it a bit better.

I think the key factor here is that part of why you have struggled with your grades is because of your secret, and that is perfectly understandable, at least to me.

What I would do is tell your parents about your sexuality first. How do you think they will react? Again, it's important to not make assumptions (a mistake that caused me a lot of useless pain). However, what are your first impressions when thinking about coming out to your parents? Once you DO come out, I would explain to them that this issue has caused you a lot of distress and therefore you have not been able to focus on your grades as much as you would have liked to. However, tell them that you STILL care about your grades and education and you are not tossing neither aside. That sounds more logical. Start with something small and then proceed with something bigger which will connect the two issues together, and thus make more sense.

Good luck to you and please keep us all updated!

 

It seems that if you begin with the news about your grades the conversations about why will follow. How would it work to look for an opening to talk about what you've been dealing with in terms of your sexuality? It this "why" conversation stretched out over a couple of days, it seems there would be a good chance for an opening.

The other thing you'll hear from people with more experience than me is to make sure you have a support system in place before coming out to your parents.

Peace, Mike

 

Well, doing bad in college in the first year isn’t all that uncommon. My first year saw some pretty disastrous exams in the first two semesters. A lot of it is just adjusting to a new routine. If that new routine involves accepting yourself as gay, that makes it even more stressful to adopt…

Obviously, you have two choices now:
- Tell them your grades first. If they’re worried about education, they’re probably waiting for your grades already, and might see anything else as a distraction. Some drama will probably ensue. You explain that you were under a lot of stress, and that you now know how to better focus. Then, with the big thunderstorm cleared, you can tell them that one of those reasons is that you're gay, and that you have spent some time dealing with this (but are totally OK with it now, and willing to answer their questions)

- Tell them you’re gay first. This will obviously prompt some questions. Probably including how this will affect your grades. Then you tell them that you didn't do all that well and they'll most likely still freak out, but at least they know one of the reasons now.

Personally, I'm more in favour of the first solution. Telling anyone you're gay (especially parents) is always a bit stressful and personal. And doing it if them freaking out about your grades is still to come might make it more stressful. they might also really be waiting for those grades, and not really in the right mindset to listen to your coming out. If you have the time to let the "grades storm" pass, and let the skies clear after that, you can come out with a lot less pressure.

Alternatively, you might want to drop the bomb before even going home. Let them know your grades now, over phone or by mail, with explanation of some of the reasons and an assurane that you'll do better. That way, the dust will have cleared by summer for the coming-out. In a way, dropping the bomb from a distance might feel like a cop-out, but for me it always worked. By the time I got home, the worst of the freaking out was usually over, and the honest discussion could begin.

 

it sounds like u need to tell them both "secrets", whichever order u are more comfortable. when u tell them u r gay, my suggestion is not to apologize for it, it is just who u are, and u now accept it, and u hope they do. u r the same person u were b4 u told them. best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes the fear of telling is the hardest part, i hope thats how it is for u. have u told anyone yet?