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After some serious time to myself for self-reflection...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 5, 2010.

  1. I don't give a shit anymore. I've been trying to tell some kids at school because I (probably) am not going back to the school I'm going to. Because of some (very good) things that I've done at school recently, the teachers now want me back. And it hit me:

    Why in the fuck did I want to leave in the first place?

    There's nothing really wrong with my school. It might be a little boring and hard to socialize with other, but it's way better than any other school. I think I will end up staying. And it made me look back to last year, around this time. It was a very good time for me. I was finishing up and looking forward to the summer. I was so excited. I was going to try to meet new people and live a new life. Sadly, I was hit by some bad shit. I became a recluse and stopped talking to others. Without anyone to turn to, I slipped into a very deep depression. Up until about a week ago, I was having serious suicidal thoughts every day. Then something happened. I started feeling a little better and more confident. I am now trying to sleep better and spend more time with others. Because of this, I have become more comfortable with myself. I believe that I could possibly be done with the coming out process by June. For real this time. I won't let others (or myself) bring me down. I don't deserve to feel like shit every day. At the age of fourteen, I shouldn't be contemplating suicide. I want to change for the better, and I am going to try very hard to. It's pretty funny that some of the momentum for the current civil rights movement is being disrupted. I might just come out as an act of defiance. I've always been a rebel and I will continue to be. I feel like the same person I was a year ago. The only difference is that I will keep up the momentum. I don't give a fuck what others think. If they don't like me for being who I am, I probably wouldn't care for them anyway. So yeah, I think some good things will happen. I might even start going to the local GSA if I feel really good. Who knows? For the first time in months, I feel like I have a future again. I thank you all for (occasionally) talking me out of suicide. I don't ever want to feel like that again. I'm sorry if this is too long or sappy, I just want to thank you all and tell people about my progress. After this process is done, I think I'm going to try to help other kids who deal with this. They shouldn't want to die. If I can do anything about it, I won't let them.

    Every day, something hits me. Now I think it's a good thing. No excuses for being a chicken shit. (&&&)
     
  2. padre411

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    Congratulations on your journey. I hope you have good family and friends support. Where you are going is exhilarating but hard to do alone.

    Peace, Mike
     
  3. Black Cat

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    ^That statement alone gives me complete faith in you that you will make it. I believe in you. (*hug*)

    Congratulations. :slight_smile:
     
  4. s5m1

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    I am really happy that you are feeling better! Way to go. And, talk about a great outlook on life. You deserve to enjoy it.