I want to explore myself but am afraid

I would wait until you fail in love with somebody because you can only loose it once and mabye do it with somebody else who it is there first time as well so you will always have something speacal together (thats what I want to) other wise you might regrate it.

 

Well, first of all, maybe you're understating your feelings on the subject, but I don't think that a mix of anxiety and excitement is all that indicative of deep-seated imprinting. I would wager that most people just feel that way about having sex for the first time, period.

I wouldn't advise you to try it with this guy. And it's not because I'm prudish and against sex before gay marriage :icon_wink You just don't know this guy all that well. you don't even know what kind of food he likes, let alone what he would like in bed. Just doing it with someone who is more or less a stranger just to get it over with is in no way indicative of what it would be like with a guy you're really in love with. In fact, it might be even more anxious, just doing these things with a stranger to tick off a mark on your list of things to do.

The way it felt totally natural with a girl, is probably the way you'll feel when it happens with a guy you know and are comfortable with. Instead of being anxious, you'll be wanting to explore having sex together. It will stop being an abstract thing, and just become this natural progression of the relationship.

Now, of course, that doesn't mean you should throw away his phone number. Maybe he could be good to have as a friend. Maybe he knows where some gay venues are where you could meet more gay people. and maybe one of them would eventually be the guy to lose your gay virginity with. Reconnecting with this guy might help. But it's probably best to go in with the intention to make friends, and see what happens than to decide you want to lose your gay virginity and just ask someone to get it over with.

 

I second this.

Sex shouldn't be like ripping off a band-aid. I say wait a while. While I am no authority on the topic, being a total virgin myself, I think feeling anxious and nervous is perfectly normal in your position.

 

Well, how did sex with your girlfriend happen? I’m not asking “who put what where” here. But… did you read a book about it? Did you plan it out with a checklist of things to do? Or did you just notice clothes coming off and start doing things? Because odds are you did the latter and just followed your natural instincts.
What to do if the clothes come off when you're with a guy? You just see places you’d like to touch, you notice him touching some places of yours, you go a bit farther and he goes a bit farther etc. Without any plan but what you both are enjoying at the moment. And while you're busy, you just ask him what he likes, and let him know what you like.

“Knowing what to do” is way overrated. It assumes that there is this standard "right" way to have sex.
I’ve heard from a number of friends that their first time was, seen from a standpoint of the sex they later had, hilariously bad. But yet, that fumbling around was awesome as well! So being anxious and just trying out things as it happens is probably the best way to go.

But this is, again, me trying to convince you not to do it. Let’s assume that you say: I need to do this now, or the anxiety will kill me. Then I would still urge you to take your time. Explain your reasons for this to the guy (explain that you're bi, that you really would like to try it with a guy, and that you remember the offer he once made, years ago. And that you're wondering if that offer still stands). If he says yes (which isn't a given), take your time thinking about (and discussing with him) what you want to do with him, and what you want him to do with you. Obviously be safe while you're doing it.
And then make sure you're still not assuming that you now know it all because you did it once. Because if it ever happens with someone else, that guy might like totally different things.

 

I'll go against the advice above. I think this guy might be the ideal candidate. Why?

1. You seem mainly interested in "experimenting". To wit, getting with a guy and getting the sheets sweaty and sticky. You don't seem interested in dating a guy, or having a boyfriend. So going down that route would be a lot of wasted time for you, and eventually a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings for him.

2. You know this guy. And therefore, you can trust him more than some random person.

3. You don't know him THAT well. You presumably won't be seeing him everyday afterwards, so there won't be much (if any) residual awkwardness.

The real question now is whether HE'd be open to it. Maybe he's in a relationship now, and isn't interested in "stuff on the side". But there's no harm in asking. But if you do find out he's in a relationship, do NOT try to coerce him into anything. Immediately step away. It's very tempting to suggest that "hey, he's helping a friend out, so it's not like he's REALLY cheating on his girlfriend". That's not a path I recommend getting on, because most people I know who have ended up on it have had some major issues finding their way back.

Lex

 

I really disagree with this statement. Sex is important, but I think keeping it fun and not making it some sacred act is the better approach. Also, trust me, when you do finally meet that guy you like, you're going to want to at least have a vague idea of what you're doing in the bedroom.