Ok ive told my mom before that im trans, But she still insists on calling me a girl. She knows im gay and ive told her im not a girl. she still does it tho. I really want to be called a guy or dylan would work better, my friends are getting better, im out to my GSA at school as trans. How can I get her to call me her son or a guy, how can I get her to stop calling me by my birthname and not my chosen one?
Short of abuse, we can never "make" anyone do what we want. Have you been talking about this with your mom for a long time? I'm imagining she has her own transformation to go through in order to call you Dylan. I guess I'm saying be patient and get the support you need from others in the meantime. Peace,
>>>ive talked to her about it before, now she just avoids it. Good. Let her avoid it. Then you don't have to deal with her using the wrong name or gender. Lex
My mother doesn't call me what I want her to, either. And I'm 40. I just gave up on it. I told her, "Mom, just so you know - everybody else is calling me Lex. I know you don't want to, but be aware that that's how other people are addressing me." My sister-in-law, when she first met me, told me "Your brother told me you like being called Lex. But I think that's dumb, so I'm gonna call you Larry." And, to this day, she calls me Larry. I think it's kinda dumb myself, but I've got bigger fish to fry. Lex
Well, it is probably hard for her. She probably has to find the time to properly deal with this herself. Maybe she even feels that since she gave you that name, it's rude of you to reject it. It's unfortunate that she feels that way, but probably understandable if she's relatively new to this. If nothing else helps, you can also try positive reinforcement. If she calls you by your birthname, just don't react. Not even by being angry, because being angry is a reaction too. And if she calls you by your chosen name, you react politely and immediately. It's not fast, but perhaps if she sees that you truly are Dylan, and fully left Desiree behind you, it will be easier to see you as Dylan as well. (obviously, this tactic depends on the circumstances. Don't decide to ignore her if the house is burning down and she's asking you to save the furniture )
I have a friend who's trans and it took his mom over two years before she started calling him by his male name. One day she suddenly just switched out of the blue and of her own accord. My point in telling you this is that even though your mom may be resistant now, that doesn't necessarily mean she always will be. Hopefully it won't take her years, but it will definitely take time.
Ok well she didn't chose my birth name, she chose to adopt me at 4 and a half so she could not change it. Anyways seems ok I guess.
I think Filip's advice is great. When she calls you by your birth name (or alludes to your biological sex), don't respond at all. Don't make eye contact, just pretend that you didn't hear it or that she's talking to someone else. If she persists, you can say "I'm not sure who you're speaking to. My name is Dylan." Eventually she will get a handle on it. But she is also probably going through her own stages of denial, so you may need to be a little bit compassionate depending on what's happening for her.
Sometimes it can be really hard for parents to accept certain things with their children. Sometimes they need to be more exposed to homosexuality and being trans. Before I came out to my mom, my guidance councellor asked if I wanted my mom to come in one day and I'd tell her then. (Of course I did it in private at home but still.) Maybe you should talk to a councellor, they can really help and give good advice. Trust my word, I go to mine as much as I can and it helps, alot. Anyway, good luck. <3
