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I think a friend of mine wants to get into my pants...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 7, 2010.

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  1. AlexPatrickMorrissey

    AlexPatrickMorrissey Guest

    We both go to the same school. We started hanging out around November or so. Ever since he started talking to me, he's been trying hard to agree with me. On everything. Every single thing. My taste in music, my taste in movies, my taste in television shows. As soon as I say something, he quickly nods his head and cracks an odd smile. Earlier this week, he slipped and said, "Ew, I'd never do that!" in response to a question about sex with women (if that makes any sense, I sound like a dumbass right now). I decided to respect his privacy and not press him on the issue (which isn't necessary because he's more femme than someone off of Project Runway), but now he's claiming to be dating a friend of his (who has a huge reputation as a fag-hag). He's just as closeted as me, but he's very obviously not straight (at all). He ALWAYS talks about women, but never in a sexual way. He sees them as muses for art, not objects for love and affection. His dad is very mean to him. His dad knows (even though he's 100% closeted) and verbally abuses him for it. He knows my secret even though I haven't told him (if he thought I was straight, he wouldn't pay attention to me at all). I'm not at all attracted to him, but I know he's hugely attracted to me. He sees me as an escape, as a perfect mate. Sadly, I don't feel the same way. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he's going to make a move on me before I know it. If I told him I'm both homosexual and not interested, he'll feel like shit. I don't want that to happen, but I want a little distance. I'm tired of being harassed at school about this. Even the teachers think we're a couple! One of them is trying to set us up on a date to a musical. This sucks ass. I shouldn't be picky, seeing as how I live in a shitty little military town, but I REALLY, REALLY don't want to be with him. I'd prefer to save myself for someone who I can commit to, not someone who I would only use to advertise myself and occupy my time.

    :bang:
     
    #1 AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 7, 2010
  2. HalfInsane

    HalfInsane
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    You're going to have to talk to him at some point. As much as it might make him feel like shit, leading him on is going to make him feel even worse.
     
    #2 HalfInsane, May 8, 2010
  3. TriBi

    TriBi
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    Maybe you need to wait for the right moment to say "I don't want to sound like an ass, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way - but, while I enjoy being your friend I don't think I'll ever have feelings for you beyond that. I'm not exactly sure how you feel - but I thought, to be fair, I had better make my position clear."
     
    #3 TriBi, May 8, 2010
  4. Jamieftm

    Jamieftm
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    I do agree with TriBi - when your ready, let him down easy. Make it as painless as you possible can and do it as soon as you can so his feelings do not increase. Ive been in this situation myself, only in my case this guy didn't know I'm a lesbian. Everyone could tell he liked me so one day, I walked with him to his locker and asked him, of course, being the average person, he declined that he liked me in that way but just in case he was lying, I told him I wasn't into guys, that I like girls.

    So, in all, just let him down easy and let him know you could still be good friends. :slight_smile:
    Good luck <3
     
    #4 Jamieftm, May 8, 2010
  5. Lexington

    Lexington
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    He's playing the game extremely well. He's not giving you any opening to say "I'm not interested in you like that." Which means you'll have to make your own.

    A few suggestions:

    * Be pleasant. This is going to hurt anyway, but there's no need to make it hurt more than it needs to.

    * Be firm. He shouldn't leave this conversation feeling that there's a possibility down the line that something will happen. "If I just do this more..." No.

    * Don't accuse. It might be insanely obvious to everybody and their mother that he's making the moves on you, but nothing is to be gained by arguing the point with him. If you give him an escape route, he'll most likely take it.

    So it might go something like this:

    "Look, over the last few weeks, you've been spending more time with me. You seem to be agreeing a lot with my tastes and beliefs, and it seems like you've been cozying up quite a bit. I don't know, but I can't help but thinking you're trying to make a move on me. Maybe you're not, but that's sort of what it feels like. And if you are, I just want you to know I'm just not interested in you like that at all."

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, May 8, 2010
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