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Jesus fucking Christ, my mother is in jail... AGAIN!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 8, 2010.

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  1. AlexPatrickMorrissey

    AlexPatrickMorrissey Guest

    I believe this is the third time I've posted about these incidents, if that means anything at all. Ever since I was young, this has happened constantly. Everything will look up for a couple of months and I will feel good about myself and start to feel confident. This happens so much, I don't feel anything anymore. I cried the first 50 times and since then have stopped. If she cared about me any less, I'd surely be on the fucking street. Isn't it possible to say no to alcohol and become a better person for yourself? Your children? No, I guess it isn't possible. Why, oh why did I ever try to forgive and forget?! Fuck, I need to cut myself away from her and my own feelings. They only serve to make me feel like absolute human trash. If I'm lucky, she'll be back out by Monday, just in time for the school week. I'm going to have to take care of the house and pets while she's gone. If you're listening, God, then FUCK YOU! Try to help me for once! And to think that this all could have been avoided if I had just wrestled the bottle out of her hand. A cut or bruise is nothing compared to this. I really need to stop caring. :bang:
     
    #1 AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 8, 2010
  2. AlexPatrickMorrissey

    AlexPatrickMorrissey Guest

    I can't go on like this...

    I've been crying uncontrollably for about 20 minutes. My vision is blurry. I think I must have cut my hand. It feels horrible. It's stinging so badly. I don't think I'm bleeding, but I feel like it. I feel a bug crawling under the skin of my wrist. I tried to look at myself in the mirror, but I can barely see myself. My vision is too blurry. I'm in so much pain right now. Please God, make it stop. I feel like dying. My chest is pounding. I'm shaking...
     
    #2 AlexPatrickMorrissey, May 8, 2010
  3. padre411

    padre411
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    Hey -

    This really sucks for you. I'm so sorry. And God is big enough to take a "fuck you" once in a while. The Psalms are full of them (at least the Hebrew equivalent). My name is Mike and I'm one of the advisors here and I am an Episcopal Priest during my day job.

    Has it always been like this with your mom? If so, no wonder you're pissed off at God. But again, God is big enough to take it.

    I wish I had a nice, clean answer for why God doesn't seem to help us when we need it most. There are a lot of ways of trying to understand it but they work best in hindsight. In the midst of pain and suffering the least helpful thing that can be said is "surely God means this for the best."

    On a practical level, is there anyone elso you can lean on for support? Who will be getting your mom out of jail or is her release just automatic? Are you at a place where involving authorities seems possible or is the thought of CPS intervention a scarier alternative? Do you have brothers or sisters you're taking care of?

    There, I've badgered you enough with questions.

    Please send me a private message if you think talking further would be helpful. I'll keep on the lookout in case you send one.

    Peace, Mike
     
    #3 padre411, May 8, 2010
  4. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Hang tight, man.

    First off, the grasp that alcohol has on people can be extremely strong. Alcoholism really IS an illness. Saying "If you loved me, you wouldn't drink" can be almost like telling someone in a wheelchair "If you loved me, you'd get up and walk". It really is that difficult. The temptation is always going to be really strong, and (as they say) "one drink is too many, and a hundred is not enough".

    Right now, you're gonna have to play man of the house. Sucks, but sometimes, that's what happens. Do it. Play grown-up. Show yourself and the world that you can.

    And when your mother gets back, treat liquor like it's fire, and your mother like she's two years old. If you see the two together, do everything in your power to get the two apart. You probably won't be able to do this alone, so make sure to call in all your reinforcements. Us, certainly, but especially everybody you know who knows what's going on. There's nothing wrong with forgiving (she's in the clutches of something more powerful than she is), but don't forget.

    Hang tight, man.

    Lex
     
    #4 Lexington, May 8, 2010
  5. seadog

    seadog
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    I'm pulling for you, all the way, dude. Padre is a great wall to lean against. hit him up if you feel it may help.
     
    #5 seadog, May 8, 2010
  6. Connor22

    Connor22
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    hang in there buddy, you WILL get through this, talk to padre or anyone else you think might be able to help, we're all here for you buddy stay strong adn perhaps get a plaster on that cut
     
    #6 Connor22, May 8, 2010
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