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I am out to my parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bryan, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. Bryan

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    Ok, So about a month ago, I came out to my parents (!) (yes, that is worthy of a dancing banana). I was ready to be completly open to everyone (and still am). I wanted them to know before I told other people, I thought that it was only fair. it turned out a little differently than expected, and long story short, they dont want me coming out to other people because (at least this is what they told me), they dont want me to be hurt (physically and psychologically). I have not talked about it with my dad in 3 weeks, he is the more accepting one, and my mom in 3 and a half. It is like I am not even out, I have no idea what their feelings are on it or anything. Every conversation with my dad ended with him freaking out about my "well-being" and my mom ended up worse (like, Oh, Bryan, mabye you will decide to play for the other team). I am afraid to approach them about it because I am scared that it will end up badly (worse than it was before), but if I ever want to be completly out (which I definitly want) I know I have to. Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Basically, :help: . Any advice will be appreciated.
    Thanks,
    Bryan
     
  2. Sam

    Sam
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    ahhh parents ya gotta love them! I think that your parents are just still adjusting to the fact that your gay. Parents will always worry about your well-being thats what they are there for is to annoy you by telling you to be safe. You might go up to them and ask if you can talk to them and then sit down and tell them what you want to tell them and then when your done, listen to what they have to say and any questions they may have and then answer them even if some of the questions are a little embarrassing. if you are willing to listen to them then they will most likely show you that same respect. you might do it the other way around by asking them what questions they have and what they have to say and then you talk to them about what you have to say, either way communication is the key right now.
     
  3. Casey17

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    If I've learned anything at all the past year, it's don't let your parents make all of your decisions. Follow your own heart. It will never lead you astray. Well, rarely. :grin:
     
  4. xequar

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    Ah parents... I'm glad that they're concerned for you, but I think on this one, if you're wanting to come out, you need to come out. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I would assert that their concern for your well-being is only part of what's at play here. If you continue to deny it to other people, they can continue to deny it, as well. IMO, if you were planning to come out completely, you should continue to do that. Perhaps you could tell someone else, and then mention it to your parents in conversation, something like, "Oh, I told asfj;lkfd about me today," and just let them know that you're planning to tell people and that's that...

    Best of luck with it!
     
  5. Perrygay

    Perrygay Guest

    Well, my mom reacted the same way, if you remember. I may not be any help by saying this, but I just came out anyway because I felt like it was the best move for me.
     
  6. Bryan

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    Sigh, I guess I will talk to them, I might order a book to help my mom. I really only want to go against them as a last resort. Thanks for all of your help everone
     
  7. LorenzG1950

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    I think xequar has nailed it quite well. It sounds like your parents are rationalizing the reasons for keeping it a family secret for their own benefit so they won’t have to deal with the questions from relatives, friends, and neighbors. In other words, they need more time to get used to the idea and are not ready to defend you in public just yet. In effect, you’ve come out of the closet and now they want to build a new closet around you which entirely defeats the purpose of coming out in the first place.

    Yes, you could be hurt by others finding out. But you will feel much better about being honest and not having to lie. Think about it. Now your parents are asking you to lie for their benefit. That’s the predicament they are putting you into. I think if they understand that (or you can explain it to them diplomatically), then they can begin dealing with how they will field questions from relatives and friends. Fact is that they are probably still embarrassed about your homosexuality and think they did something wrong, hence the desire to keep it a family secret.

    Tell them that you’ve given it some thought but that you would rather be honest with people when the question comes up. If your parents agree to give you their full support, then the chances of you being hurt are minimal. What parent could deny their son support or speak against your intention of being honest with people? And don’t forget to tell them that having to be dishonest could be more frustrating for you than any other “hurt” you might experience.

    Good luck! :thumbsup: