At this Point I've Got to Choose...

If you've made it a habit to quote Lady Gaga, I doubt your coming out will be all THAT much of a shock.

Have you made any gay friends? I'm guessing you don't - many people in your position don't. They don't get much (if any) positive reinforcement about being gay. Not in a "rah-rah, go NRS!" sort of way, but just in a subliminal way. "Well, THIS guy is gay, and he's out, and he's happy, and he's doing well." Getting this sort of feedback can make it a lot easier to make the decision to come out.

Lex

 

I know exactly where you are! I know that you won't be able to suppress the energy inside you for long without creating a lot of evil. Learn to let the light of your life shine, what ever that light is. At least your friends here at EC know enough to appreciate the person you are.

 

Take it from someone who tried that route for decades – it does not work. As much as you think you can suppress the feelings and live your life as a straight guy, you can’t. No matter how hard you try not to look at the hot guy, you will always want to. You can sleep with as many women as you can get into bed and make comments with your straight guy friends about how hot a woman is until you are blue in the face. But, you still won’t actually be attracted to her. You will become depressed, potentially suicidal, and have trouble establishing and maintaining relationships. Even if you surround yourself with countless friends, you will never feel close to them because you will be hiding a secret about who you really are. Feelings of guilt will sometimes overwhelm you, because you will know that you have been deceiving people. Your career will suffer because all of these things will impact your well being and, therefore, your performance on the job.

Or, you can accept who you are, be proud of it and feel good about yourself. You can wake up every day feeling that you are living your life true to yourself and without deceiving others. You can develop deep, meaningful relationships with friends, family and lovers. When you are 80 years old, you can look back and say, I lived a happy life.

Now, ask yourself which life sounds easier?

I tried the first route for four decades. It nearly killed me. Everything I described above was my life. Now, since accepting my sexuality, life is great. Yours can be too.

We all fear how others will react when we come out. Most people really don’t care. Many are happy that you trusted them enough to come out to them. Regardless of how others react, this is your life to live, not theirs. Live it to the fullest, for you. If someone does not like that you are gay, that is their problem, not yours.

 

I'm in the exact same position right now. I just have hope that time will help me take the right decision

 

By the way, as for your career, you may be surprised. 88 law firms received perfect scores on the HRC Corporate Equality Index. According to HRC, law firms "eclips[ed] every other industry represented on the index."

http://www.hrc.org/documents/HRC_Corporate_Equality_Index_2010_-_AmLaw_Firms.pdf

 

Don't let fear of the unknown hold you back. Take it from someone who found every reason on earth not to "be" gay and then not to come out for way too long... the days only move in one direction. Don't let fear in the present grow to become regret in the future...

The way I see it, there are good reasons and there are bad reasons for waiting to come out. A good reason is that you're not ready, or that you haven't come to terms with it yourself. I believe these are prerequisites to coming out to anyone else. A bad reason is that you're afraid of letting others down. Whose life are you living? Who's the one that will have to live with the repressed emotions and internal torture just to "conform" to the expectations of others? You. Let me ask you something - if you don't look after yourself and your best interests, then who will?

Don't let this rot away at your very being. It's descructive and it serves no purpose. When you are ready to come out, do it. Get it over with once and for all. Enjoy the "other side" for the rest of your life!

 

James is right here. So long as you're comfortable with yourself, it doesn't really matter how other people react. It's not your job to be an actor for everyone just so you don't harm their delicate beliefs.

Can't really help you on that one, sorry. Just try to remember that you didn't choose to be this way, you were born this way. Also, no matter what religious book you honor, they were all written by humans, and can be misinterpreted by more humans.

I think we all worry about this, but really, it's your family letting you down if they don't make an effort to understand or accept you. You can still adopt or have a surrogacy, still live a successful life, and still be religious if that's what you're worried about.

This is about the hardest thing to do ever. You can't fake love, and certainly not for a lifetime. You'll likely either end up miserable in a marriage or single. Sure, you may avoid some social issues that might arise, but is a lifetime of lies and sadness really worth saving a bit of awkwardness when you come out?

I don't think this will help or hurt your career. It might help if you intend to work on LGBT issues, but otherwise I don't see sexuality or personal life at all really affecting the choice someone makes in a lawyer. It might not even come up at all if you don't deal with regular clients. The nice things about law firms is that they know how to not get sued, which means they probably aren't going to discriminate.



If you don't think you're ever going to be able to come out, chances are you're pretty close to doing it, in my opinion. It's on your mind, and you're thinking about it, so you just have to find a way to take that step and do it, even if you only tell one person. You could tell your friend from back in high school if you want, or the brother you were talking about in a previous post. The bigger a secret you make it seem though, the bigger they'll treat it as.

Hell, if you really want to do it you could get drunk and tell someone (you're in a fraternity, and a weekend is coming up :lol: ). It's not the ideal way, but a bit of 'social lubricant' can certainly assuage some of your fears. If you do this though, make sure they aren't too drunk either. I had to tell one of my friends 3 times before she remembered :rolle:


And to end off my long post, I'll double the size with a poem! A great one though, that helped me a lot.