somebody outed me what do i do

Welcome to EC!

It's hard to give full advice without knowing some more details of your situation. (How old are you? How closeted are you? What reasons do you have for remaining closeted?) But I will give you this bit of advice - people will take a cue from you. If you treat your sexuality like it's a horrifying secret, other folks will treat it like it's a horrifying secret. If you treat your sexuality like it's no big deal, they're far more likely to treat it like it's no big deal. So if the secret is truly out, OWN it. Take the attitude of "Yeah, I'm gay - big fucking deal." Because, frankly, it ain't.

Lex

 

hi and welcome to ec. sorry to hear what has happened. You said most of your friends are homophobic. Well if they are real friends they would stick by you. well you should confront the person that outed you.

Lex has put great advice and just treat it as no big deal and you are the same person as yesterday even if your sexual preference is different from your friends.

 

I am out to around 20 people. With such a big group, I'm sure most of my entire school already knows, and if they haven't heard it there is already some suspicion. I was nervous like you were at first, but now I just get empowered walking through the halls. Some people may toss a dirty look or two, but the majority of people do not care at all. Oh, and my homophobic friends? I got new ones. Easy as that. High school is such a petty point in your life, so you really have to just have a blast all the time. Its fun walking and seeing a mean face and know you are never going to see them again in a year

 

Being outed must be so terrible, I am so sorry. *hug*

I wouldn't know what to do because I did not experience that at all. However, I agree with Lex.

Take it easy and see how people react, and in the future, I would be more guarded and reserved when it comes to trusting people with things you consider big secrets.

Feel better. <3

 

The best thing you can do is very simple call or txt or mssg the person with "we need to talk" then simply say "i can't believe you did that, i confided that in you and trusted you and you broke that." explain that it is upsetting because you are not ready to tell more people and figure out who they told and explain to that person the same thing.

I am sorry about what has happened but i think it will be ok. But the best thing to do about it is be upfront. Explain how outing someone is just not ok, the idea is that you trusted them enough to tell them that in confidence, if you where ready for others to know you would have told them. Explain how difficult it is to deal with not knowing who might know as people act differently sometimes when they do know or hear things. Also how it just is not ok because that information is not getting to people the way you want it to in a way that will augment an acceptance (as you telling someone conveys much more of a sense of trust where as hearing it through the grapevine can do more of a "i cant believe you didn't trust me enough to tell me" effect). Of course right now it doesn't seem like there is a big issue.

But as i said, be direct, get to the point, tell them how you feel and why, and I would do it quickly before they say anything to anyone else.

 

Shoot, dude. I grew up with many similar experiences. They really suck. No one should be put through that. You are a man, you are strong, and you are courageous. When you let them beat you they beat you twice. Once is the push, slap, punch or kick. The second is the message that you record in your memory about yourself. Ooops, I just caught myself making an assumption that you let them beat you up the way I submitted to teasing bad treatment when I was young. Maybe you have fought back. Maybe consider this, Its OK to fight back and not win the physical fight. It is better, however, to claim your power. Do what you can. And if these beatings are serious, report them. Talk to your parents, a trusted friend, an aunt or uncle, teacher, counselor, or perhaps a school official. Note, you are not reporting the incident to get the "system" to fight your own fight, cuz you are choosing to do that yourself. But you will be doing the perpetrators a huge favor by stopping abusive, disrespectful behavior patterns now. And if you arms are like mine (like a professional road cyclist, having the circumference of a pencil) you will have to time perfectly your first strike back. Imaging the bully having to tell all who gave him the black eye! Aim there, maybe. Don't get me wrong, I don't advocate for the use of physical violence outside self defense. I wish I claimed my own power when I was younger and defended myself. hang in there

 

It sounds like you have larger issues than just your sexuality... If you're the victim of bullying, regardless of the reason, you need to have this addressed, quickly. I was the victim of a lot of bullying in school, and it's been a tough road for me to get over it - I still have trust issues with people. Nip this one in the bud sooner rather than later. The good news is that bullying has become a major issue in the news and in educational circles to the extent that there isn't much tolerance for it these days. Talk to a counselor or your parents. There's no need to reveal your sexuality to get the bullying issue dealt with. No one should be beating you up, for any reason, ever.

My contention is that you won't be able to properly address your sexuality or even this forced outing issue if you don't first deal with the whole bullying scenario...

 

i guess i can't give a straight ford answere because there are many things that could happen, but some advice i will give you is if your friends can't accept you for who you are then you may want to get some new friends.

 

That's not a solution... I am talking about getting people in power to stop it from happening in the first place. It doesn't have to be a "given" in your life. You're not the one doing anything wrong, so why should you have to run or become a pacifist or let people abuse you by outing you?? All of these things just encourage the bullies to keep doing what they do. There's no consequence or punishment to them, so you're the only one suffering as a result. That's just plain not fair, and you need to do something about it that involves others. Don't live your life as a victim. Get a school counselor or your parents involved! Please...?!

 

You shouldn't run away from problems like that...you can face problems without getting into a fist fight...and you definatly shouldn't avoid the person who outted you,because everything sint okay as to what he/she did to you.

 

like you just can't let himt hink what he did to you is okay,he at least has to be comfronted on it. so you should really talk to him about it. or her

 

darkcheese sorry about what happened to you. That guy that outed you is such an arsehole. There could be people at your college aware of your situation and also think he was a real dickhead of saying that. Maybe they are now trying to reach out to you but you now but you not be not aware of that. You deserve better friends than that. Perhaps you can join some group in college. Perhaps you can always join a gay organistion in your city or go to PFLAG.