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Sometimes i just wish

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Beachboi92, May 12, 2010.

  1. Beachboi92

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    That i was not gay. I mean i know all the reasons i have are stupid and i guess this is just a rant but the other day i was literally just ready to cry about it.
    - certain "friends" dont even talk to me anymore
    - others find ways to avoid me or not hang with me as much
    - I can't stand hearing the word faggot 50000 times a day not even directed at me
    - When people don't know i wish they did and when they did i wish they didnt because when they dont they will make comments like calling stuff gay or someone a faggot or i will feel uncomfortable, and if they do know then it seems like they treat me differently
    - If i hear "why do gay people have to shove it in peoples faces and announce it" one more time im gonna fucking kill everyone around me
    - Certain friends that i wish i could still hang with and have fun with just dont want anything to do with me its like i ceased to exist, and i feel left out like i want to enjoy life and it is harder when the people that i want to be able ot hang out with and that i sort of fit in with dont like me for one aspect of me
    - If i hear "i respect your choice" or "whatever choices you make are cool" or anything like that im going to just die

    I mean I didn't ask for this, i didn't want to be gay, i didn't want 90% of who i know to just blow me off, i didn't want to feel like i had no one to talk to about anything "to gay" in my life (cause it is cool for people to talk about their BF and GF and "str8" things but when i talk about "gay" things im suddenly shoving it in peoples faces). I do my best to ignore stuff, to just enjoy life, i can never actually see myself being straight i am gay and i accept that but it is just not fair (and i know what your gonna say "life's not fair") but come on, we all know this but it doesn't stop us from wanting it to be and feeling like crap when we get fucked over.

    Idk rant over i know other people feel the same
     
  2. paco

    paco Guest

    putting it simply, life is.
     
    #2 paco, May 13, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2010
  3. malachite

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    its not stupid to want to fit in, what IS stupid is how we tell people that being different is great, but when someone truly is different we treat them like the plague. We live in a world of contadictions.

    - If i hear "why do gay people have to shove it in peoples faces and announce it" one more time im gonna fucking kill everyone around me

    A: Straights spent so much time telling us we had to hide that now that we're out we're going to be proud. Is it any different from some hot guy/girl showing off their body?
    If some 98 pound honey came walking through here is a two piece bathsuit, you'd be fine with it because it excites your little dickie. So, maybe you should revaluate how you view this subject.

    No one ever asks to be different, and no one asks to be different in a way that is socially acceptable. The best we can do it hold out heads up high, never let them make you feel shame (you feel angry, you can feel lost, you can feel sad, but never feel shame). The part of growing up is becoming confortable with yourself, its a crappy journey, but once you get there its a pretty cool place.
     
  4. Sylver

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    Having been on both sides of your equation, I'm now in a privileged position to be able to ask you whether this rant might be more about you than about them...

    The outside world is just that - outside of us. People can say what they want, but we're the ones who determine what kind of impact it has on us. The words of a thousand people can bounce off us if we make that choice, or one nasty word from one nasty person can ruin our entire week.

    There are jerks in this world - it seems to go hand-in-hand with this particular species of animal - and they will try to get to you with every tool they can. Homosexuality is one of the more convenient ways to get to you, but there are definitely others. If you were self-conscious about your height or your weight, those would become spots that are just as tender when they try and poke you.

    I think liberation comes when you finally accept that the world is comprised of 1% outstanding people, 1% asswads, and 98% who are pretty much indifferent and won't matter one way or the other. You can make yourself rather happy by making the 1% quality people your friends, by turning off and tuning out the 1% jerks, and letting all the others go about their business just as they let you go about your business. In other words, amplify the importance of the good people in your life, and diminish the importance of the idiots. That one simple move will make you much happier about who you are.

    Don't sacrifice who you are because of a few losers. I am gay, and I would seriously not have it any other way! :slight_smile:
     
  5. D_Alejandro

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    Please please don't feel like this! (*hug*)

    It's not your fault. You were born like this.

    I think that you need to make new friends (based on what you are saying). I also think that you shouldn't care what they say about you because if they are avoiding you, they are not true friends. Trust me. Coming out is one of those things in life that can help you determine who is your true friend and who is not. Those who are true will accept you and continue to cherish you and the friendship they have invested in you.

    And don't worry about the stupid words people say. Ignore it. I know it's hard, I know! But the best you can do is brush it off your shoulder. Are you really going to let people have that type of power over you? You are letting them win. Don't! Show them that you can rise above their ignorance and hate and spread love and cheer.

    Also, I understand what you are saying about "shoving it in people's faces". Yeah being gay is part of you, but it's not the only part of you! (A good friend of mine once told me this). It shouldn't matter. What matters is that you are a great and caring person. You are human, and who you have sex with should not be a factor in judging whether you are a good or bad person.

    So cheer up and try to stay happy! :slight_smile: :thumbsup:
     
  6. Beachboi92

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    I understand all of what you guys are saying and i was really just ranting because i was pissed how crappy supposed friends could be when they learn i am gay. I really thought i had fit in with those people and gotten along well and now i feel like im missing out a little.

    But as for the "shoving it in peoples face" scenario that is one of my big pet-peeves next to people using faggot and homo for everything they do not like. I don't shove my sexuality in anyones face, my sexuality is part of who i am, just like race, ethnicity, and gender it creates a lens that changes my perception on life and is intricately part of me. Me talking about guys is no different than a girl talking about guys or a guy about girls, me correcting someone who has offended me with a comment is not shoving it in their face. Me simply letting people know, who don't, that i am gay is not shoving it in their face. Me being active in fighting for equal treatment and awareness in my school is just that. I am who i am and if people perceive that as "shoving it in their face" that is them revealing a stigma they still hold towards me as a gay man, as they allow my gayness to also color their perceptions of me. That is where im coming from on that.

    I accept who i am 100% im 100% out and open, i cant see myself any other way, but some things just get to me and i needed to drop them somewhere. One thing in particular is that between a dance recital i watched last night at school and my 3rd block class today i have heard more people called faggot, more things called homo, and generally derogative gay terms, than ever before in my life. At one point i literally had to stop the kid and go "everything that is stupid is not gay or homo and every douche is not a faggot" and he said something like "all the kids in GSA are weird and dress funny in bright cloths and shit" and i stopped him, with my tan shorts and blue hurly shirt, and went "dude i am in GSA". And yet it seems almost completely disregarded. I know the teacher could hear him say the stuff it just pisses me off cause i know the teacher is a nice cool guy. IDK my ranting continues