I'm having a dilemma with coming out to my dad and was wondering if I could get some help with it. I came out to my mom about a week ago over the phone. I was nervous telling her, but at the same time I also knew she would accept it, and after I told her I felt more relieved than anything else. The only issue I have had with her after coming out (so far, crossing my fingers) is that she wanted to tell my dad (they're still married) and the rest of my family, but I asked her to keep it quiet because I want him to know myself. The problem is that I really don't know how my dad will react, but I have a good idea that it won't be good. He's 70 years old, and although I think he already knows I'm gay (I mean, he caught me looking at gay porn a long time ago once), he has explicity told me at least once that he doesn't "want a faggot for a son." My dad has also had gay friends and co-workers, and he has had no problem with them. He's also (awkwardly) told me a few times about how he thinks gay sex is disgusting and that movies like Brokeback Mountain are disgusting (I've never seen it, but have heard it's more boring than anything else). I guess he's of the philosophy of not caring what two people do with each other even though he doesn't like it, but at the same time he seems to hold me to a different standard. My main dilemma here is this: I plan on coming out to my dad soon, but I'm scared that things won't go well and that it may hurt my relationship with my dad. My dad has had other children before me, but I'm his youngest child and I haven't the difficult history my dad has had with his other kids. Furthermore, I'm the only child with my mom and dad, so I'm feeling some guilt myself of being a disappointment to him. I'm basically independent of my parents financially, but I'm still really close to my family, so for me I'm more worried about what my dad thinks. Does anyone have any advice/words of wisdom to deal with a potentially really scary coming out? If it helps, I do plan on telling him myself without my mom around, since I have already decided that I will come out and accept my being gay on my own terms. Thanks for your help!
Shoot. Good luck. I think what's most important is that you seem to have your feet underneath yourself enough so that you will survive just fine, thank you, what ever reaction he has. Maybe just tell him that you respect and honor him and his feelings about it even though you don't share them exactly. It does seem that you are comfortable enough with who you are that you don't define (or value) yourself based on how he feels about you. That is one key component of the whole. Good luck.
I would suggest you do it with your mom in the room, or at least nearby for moral support. She is ok with it, and wanted to tell him, which I think means that she's willing to be there to support both of you through the process.
I think including your mom might be a good idea too. She can support you if the conversation becomes heated. Just remember that it might take some time for your dad to come to terms with it.
