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Looking for excuses?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nialla, May 14, 2010.

  1. Nialla

    Nialla Guest

    Just for a bit of background if anyone needs it, I posted a thread on here before;HERE

    Essentially, last night a friend came from my home city to visit me here at Uni. We've known kne another for three years, and we go out once or twice a year for drinks and to keep in touch with one another. Well, at the Union last night he kept coming on to me. Whilst it was flattering, I wasn't interested since I'm very happy with our friendship as it is.

    When we got home, I told him again that nothing was going to happen between us, and after getting the message, I let him sleep next to me in my bed.

    Nothing happened at all I hasten to add. But we were in close proximity all evening (it's a single bed), so he had his arm over me for the most part, which didn't bother me.

    I enjoyed the feeling of being close to someone like that (even though there was nothing particularly sexual about it, even though there easily could have been). It got me wondering today whether my attraction to women is just superficial.

    ...yet I'm also wondering if I'm clawing for any reason to slap myself around the face and tell myself to stop being stupid and of /course/ I'm not bisexual or gay.

    Has this happened to anyone, or does anyone have any advice they could impart?
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I think before you are completely comfortable with who you are it is easy to well I wouldnt neccessarily call it looking for excuses but say if you are in a situation where someone of the opposite sex is interested in you, think well it would be a lot simpler if I was to go for this option even though I dont perhaps find this person particularly arousing/sexually attractive, they are really nice and im really good friends with them.

    I think everyone or at least most people have a longing for that closeness with someone the cuddling and the bodily contact even if you take sex out of the equation so I think it is natural for you to enjoy that.
    I do however think you need to make sure you keep the boundaries of the relationship very clear, you cant help being confused but he needs to know where he stands.

    Its really difficult but if it is possible for you just in your mind to forget about the conflict of liking girls with your religion and forget you would have to come out and that being straight would be more normal and just try and imagine what you yourself would really want most a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
    Thats not to say it will always stay that way just try and go with the flow, but dont hang onto being with this male friend just because it would be easier and you think he is a nice guy.
     
  3. ethelred

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    I think I was looking for excuses for all of highschool, really. I didn't process it that way, but I did use it convince myself I was bi. Good thing I snapped out of it.

    So yeah, you may be stretching it, but that is something that only you can figure out. And yeah, everyone likes cuddling, regardless of the cuddlers. Probably hard-coded in human social behavior.
     
  4. Nialla

    Nialla Guest

    Silverhalo - Oh, the guy knows where he stands. That's something that I'm /very/ certain I get across, regardless of any situation. I've always said that 'honesty is the best policy' when it comes to relationships. I'm currently single, and have been for about a year now. Whether this is subconscious on my part or not, I honestly couldn't say...maybe I'm just really picky. >.>;

    Ethelred - Thank you, the fact that I don't need to read anything into the whole cuddling thing has actually made me feel a little better.

    So if we're talking theory here...(or just 'writing out loud', as it were)...if I was bisexual, then there's no need for me to freak out anyway, since I can just ignore the 'shards, she's attractive' part of my brain and just go for guys.
     
  5. Lexington

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    I'm still not over being surprised how many people sleep together in bed, and it's assumed it means nothing. I mean, I was first offered to share a (straight) guy's bed about twenty years ago - and I KNOW he wasn't hitting on me - but I still find it invasive. Maybe because I'm one of those thrashy sorts of sleepers. :slight_smile:

    But in any event, no, I don't think it means you're not really gay. Were a female friend snuggle up to me at night, I'd find it quite nice, but I don't think I'd question my sexuality because of it.

    Lex