1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feeling lost

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Madithis, May 17, 2010.

  1. Madithis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey all

    How do you get rid of that feeling that your alone and will stay alone in this world. I just feel so alone and worthless especially when people around me go into an anti-gay rant.

    My family is in no way supportive of anything even remotly gay, nevermind a family member being gay. Im 21 and have two friends that know I like guys, one accepts it, but she's on the other side of the country and my other friend that I have known since I was 8 accepted the it, but he's so frikken homophobic its not even funny.

    Im so scared of anyone finding out that im gay, Im literally having sleepless nights.
    The town I live and work in isn't very accepting of people who are different. so anyone who is gay is a trained in the art of acting overly straight.

    I honestly dont know what to do. I feel like I want to run, but where am I supposed to run to? I dont make enough to survive anywhere. I feel like Im trapped. What can I do to make it feel like life is worth something.
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC (if I didn't give you a welcome already)! :wave:

    There are plenty of non-straight people out there who feel as you do. And almost invariably, they're in a situation just like yours. Their family is (or at least appears to be) homophobic. Their town isn't accepting. They don't know any other gay people.

    Let me give a quick analogy. (Long-time ECers - feel free to roll your eyes and say "Great - Lex is gonna tell his house story again.")

    Let's say you're standard height. Six feet tall or so. Now let's say you're living in a house made for small people - people about four feet tall. So there you are, scraping your head on ceilings, banging your head on doorways, reaching way down to use the sinks, and crawling into fetal position so you'll fit in your bed. Nobody would be surprised if you started thinking "If only I wasn't so tall."

    But see, the problem isn't that you're too tall.
    Your problem is that you're in the wrong house.

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're in the wrong house. :slight_smile:

    >>>I honestly dont know what to do. I feel like I want to run, but where am I supposed to run to? I dont make enough to survive anywhere. I feel like Im trapped. What can I do to make it feel like life is worth something.

    You'll need to move out of that "house". You need to move somewhere where you can be you. If you can't do that right now, then consider that your long-term goal. Wherever you are, you're going to want to work on leaving. If that means you'll have to start scrimping and saving, or getting a higher-paying job, or getting a second job, then that's what you do. And once you have enough money, you pick a larger city in a more accepting part of your state/country/world, and move there.

    At which point, your life really will begin. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. seadog

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    hi dude. Welcome, you will love your time here at EC I do. First, my suggestion is that you recognize that the only person keeping you in your town is you. You are not trapped. Begin making plans to relocate when you are comfortable doing so. We each need to be accountable for the situations we place ourselves in. Get surrounded by people that are not afraid of you. Cheers!
     
  4. Geradeth

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2010
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Victoria, BC, Canada
    Hullo, you've certainly come to the right place for advice! On that note, here's my thoughts on this part of your post:
    I'd recommend you get to know some of us here on EC and make some friends. There's bound to be someone who's gone through something similar to what you're dealing with now, and as such they'll be able to provide advice and encouragement to help you though. I've found this community to be very caring and they've already helped me through much. Though we can't all be there for each other in person, having someone to talk to even online does wonders for feelings of loneliness!! (at least in my experience)

    Hope things start to look up soon! (*hug*)
     
  5. RedState

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,456
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Southeastern Conference
    I now exactly how you feel. I went through the exact same thing...and still do to some extent. I used to almost get physically sick when I would think about people finding out that I was gay.
    I do agree with what was said above, the only person that is keeping you there is you. I don't know what your line of work is or what your financial situation is but plan on moving somewhere, normally larger cities have a bigger gay population and are more accepting. I'm in the process of doing that now.
    Now i'm not talking about picking up and going tomorrow, you have to plan....and that could take a while. But it's important to start taking the first steps, looking for employment, etc. It's important to have something to work toward, a goal to look forward to. Something you can run TOWARD, not run away from.
    I have met a lot of gay friends on my ventures. Of course they know I am gay and it helps to have them to lean on. But I am still in the closet to all my friends and family from home. Some people can manage and handle two different lives...some can't.
    But the more I grow into this life (meaning being gay) the less and less I care if anyone finds out I'm gay. As a matter of fact I think they probably suspect it. But I'm not horrified if they found out anymore, and I think it's because I'm finally comfortable and accept the fact that I'm gay. Hopefully that will come for you in time as well.
     
  6. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there. Guess what? You're no longer alone - because you've found us here at Empty Closets. Many of us have been where you are right now. We have felt alone and scared. We've wondered if we would ever meet someone or if we would ever feel comfortable (let alone happy) being gay. And we've gone through the process at our own pace at our own time. (Some in their teens, some like you in their 20s, I was in my 30s, and others have been older.)

    Hang out here in EC. We're an awesome bunch of people. And we're gay. Gay people can be awesome. And if gay people can be awesome, you can be awesome too - even if you're gay. That's the kind of thinking that needs to replace the negative messages that you've received growing up from friends and family. Gay people are just like other people - only we have an attraction to the same sex. That fact has very little significance in other areas of our life like work, artistic ability, sports, interests, hobbies, etc. It simply shouldn't matter to people.

    Those who take issue with that need to get over it. They have the problem - not you.

    You can help them though. By educating them. Educate them in 2 ways. Provide them with literature and information. Secondly, show them. Come out to them as gay, and show them that 'despite' being gay you're going to be very successful in whatever you choose to do.

    The reality is that people don't tend to change unless they have reason to change. Your parents won't change their attitudes about gays unless there's a reason for them to do so. And I would think the love of one of their children is a pretty good reason to reconsider their attitudes. Until they know one of their sons is gay, they're likely to continue to talk and behave the way they always have.

    You don't need to come out to them or anyone else right now. You don't need to ever come out to them. But I'm sure that you'll feel better if at some point in time you do. You'll know when you've got to that point. The discomfort of staying in the closet starts to exceed the expected discomfort of leaving the closet. And the best part is that the expected discomfort of leaving the closet is usually worse than the actual discomfort that you experience.

    At any rate, you've come to the right place. You're no longer alone. We're right behind you. And we're rooting for you!
     
  7. Madithis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey everyone

    Thanks for taking the time to post your helpfull replies. I needed that. And the house story puts everything nicely in context.

    I have a few things to workout. Im going to start and plan to get out of here at some point. Firstly I need to accept myself for me and that theres nothing wrong with me.

    Its who I am that matters not what I am.