My mother, after dinner, came over to me and, pulling a piece of paper from her pocket book, told me that she had "copied this for you." It was an article from the Boston Globe about HIV and something about what she termed "the propaganda" that is out there about, I assume, safe sex. This was her major freaking-out point when I came out: that I was destined to "get sick" because I enjoy dick. Now, she is in the medical biz, as a nurse's aide, but I really don't know where she is getting this. Is there a correlation? Yes, only because unprotected butt-sex has a much higher infection rate than every other kind of sexual contact and because, let's face it, promiscuity was a huge thing in the 80s gay scene, so we are stuck with that stigma. Am I at risk? Well no duh, mom, anyone who is sexually active is at risk of a huge assortment of VERY nasty stuff. Am I going to be stupid? No. Emphatically no. I don't know what kind of son she thinks she raised, but I am not going to do that. Ever. I am not some promiscuous clubber popping amphetamines and Viagra so I can last in eight hour orgies, whose asshole is up for sale to whomever buys me the best drink. I am not that, you are not that, GAY MEN ARE NOT THAT, it is not the same thing. I think she thinks I am pulling some kind of pubescent "invincible" crap when I say I find this sorta thing insulting. I know more about it than she does. I've spoken with my doctor, I've watched crap on this, I've met people who deal with it, I know what the hell is going on. If she thinks hard cock is getting anyway near my holes without at least a three month waiting period and a johnny cap, she's nuts. I read the article, and it is something I already knew: HIV is bad and we are failing at teaching kids. Look at these forums: there are plenty of non-informed questions about HIV out there that are kinda scary to read. She is responding to my defense to her concerns that "the risk is the same." Okay, that isn't exactly true, apparently. Don't get me wrong, I was not under the impression of diminished risk, only equally severe risk. But there is no mention of propaganda or miss leading of the public in this article. She must think someone lied to me. What really angers me is that it is the very m***********s that she votes for who are the ones lying about sex or withholding information about it to children, not the gay community which is my source for information, because, you know, we generally know more about it for the very reason that I have to continually have this conversation. Argh.
Well clearly she only does it because she loves you...if she didn't love you or worry about you she wouldn't give a damn to actually care. So you just have to explain this to her -without beign angry or upset- that your a big boy now,and your not as uninformed as she thinks you are.
Oh don't worry my mom is like that too. She thinks being gay means you have to be a slut/whore and do drugs which is not true!!! It's just an ignorant notion and a lot of people need to get educated about it. Stereotypes can last many many many years! It's unfortunate that most people think being gay means you have to party hard, have tons of sex, and do drugs. It's silly.
like TroubledRyan said, she loves you. yes, it can be very insulting and uncomfortable to know that she thinks you're gonna slut it up and contract something. but it's just like any protective mother who thinks her son or daughter will do stupid stuff and put their life in danger. and what you said in this post is what you pretty much need to say to her (without being graphic, and not as aggressive) you're obviously well educated on the subject and have done your research. so educate your mom a little bit. also, think about what she saw growing up. she saw the 80s AIDS crisis in her lifetime. you and i did not. let her know that you know that history, and remind her that you grew up in a time period that taught about safe sex. hope it goes well
Thanks guys. Yeah, it just...sucks, I guess. I needed to vent. I know she loves me, but my family (and me) are just so bad at communicating...I don't want to explain why it's all so hard to them because it is like talking to a brick wall sometimes. My mother was already under the impression that coming out meant "you're going to start having sex" until I set her straight. When I finally did tell her, I got a confused mix of "don't get sick", "promise me you won't wear high heels", and some sorta assumption she made that it would change my aspirations in life. The worst part is know what she wanted me to say: that I wasn't in the baby making biz anymore. God, I'm a train wreck. It's 2:20 in the morning, my medicine has worn off, and all I want to do is lean on someone, some guy. Instead I'm here repeating things I've said and hoping for something different to happen. It's always about skrewing and not love, that's why it hurts. Textbook.
Nice rant, was a good read As others mentioned, she is worried about you and loves you. Her fears are not ill-founded, she just needs some education on the subject. What does she know about gays besides what's on the evening news about the AIDS epidemic? I think if by chance your mom stumbled across this post, it would open her eyes to your side of the issue. My suggestion: take away the chance and print this post out for her. It's blunt enough to keep her attention and get your point across clearly.
