What is the best way to come out to friends and family. Is it mre akward to have a serios "I have something to tell you" or should I bring it up casually?
It's tough to give blanket advice that covers every situation. A few questions. * How many people in your household? * How "open-minded" are your family members in general? * How "open-minded" are your friends in general? Feel free to answer those, and I'll give some rather generic advice. I've found that people tend to take a cue from you. If you treat your sexuality like it's a big awful secret, they'll treat it like it's a big awful secret. If you treat it factually, like it's no real big deal, then they'll be more likely to do so as well. The basic message you want to convey is "I'm gay, and since you're important in my life, I felt you should know." It'll be up to you to find the exact words that you think will work best for each person. Lex
Four in my household, then about five more That don't physically live with me open mindedness- I would say my parents are openminded I guess as for my friends, not very openminded. I am just curious as for what todo. I think I will wait until I am eighteen, that way if my parents do have a problem with it I will be able to support myself. I doubt they will have a problem, but just as a precation.
I think this question also has a lot to do with you and your personality. If you are like me, who knew that I would never be able to just bring it up casually (I kept chickening out and then kicking myself whenever there was an IDEAL situation), then you should have some sort of plan. In my case I even used an example to get me started on the path of no return, ("you know how x liked me, well the reason why nothing ever developed between us is...") If however, you think you'll be able to slip it into conversation casually, and you say your parents are reasonably open-minded, then I'd vote for casual. As Lex said, if you don't treat it as a big deal, usually the other person won't make SUCH a big deal out of it. Good Luck!
I totally agree with having a plan. Otherwise it's way too easy to find excuses and procrastinate instead of doing it. One piece of advice I would offer which I've seen posted a few times and which I did myself before coming out to my parents, try writing what you want to say in a letter. Pretend that you're going to give this letter to those in your family you want to come out to. Work through what you want to say to them, and how you want to say it. Then don't do anything for a day or two. If additional thoughts come to your mind, tweak the letter. But after sleeping on it, come back to it and read what you wrote. See if it sounds right to you - how you want to say this, and how they might best hear this. You can also post it on EC and get some comments. Once you're comfortable with the letter, then you can choose how to come out. You can give them the letter, or you can put it into an e-mail and send it to them. Or, like I did, you can come out to them in person and not use the letter at all. It's an excellent preparatory exercise for coming out, because you get to analyze your own thoughts and approach. I found the exercise extremely helpful. As for bringing it up in the actual conversation, I went with the "I need to tell you something..." route. I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure there's an easy way to start this conversation... But try to get the environment right so that people are in a good frame of mind and there are no distractions. A conversation will likely follow, and it's good to allow it to happen. Be firm, be confident, don't apologize, show that you're happy about being gay, and they will pick up on this. Good luck!
