so here the back story of "Will". Will is our newest guy at work. I knew he'd be trouble the moment I heard his name, cause it's the name I've had picked out for my first song for the longest time. (Will's not his real name). Since we met though, theirs obvious flirtation. i've tried to keep the thought of any possible feelings at bay, cause I'm one of his supervisors and thats against policy. oh and he had a boyfriend. Then a couple weeks ago, we hung out, picking up somethings from work, which was really just me and him at the mall shopping and having lunch. We had chinese, his fortune cookie said, "take a chance". we had this eye contact right then and I knew what was going on. but again, I kept it out of my head. a week later, he broke up with his boyfriend. he moved out of their apartment. and his boyfriend tried to commit suicide. he was texting me the other day, just cause he needed someone to talk to about it all. Saying it's hard cause although he doesn't wanna be with him, he still cares about him. then the conversation turned into me going over and keeping him company. against my better judgement, completely knowing what was going to happen, i went over. we played some video games and had a couple beers. and then.... you know, don't make me say it. every feeling i tried to suppress went out the window as soon as we kissed. he told me how he wanted me since he first saw me. it was the most surreal moment ever. cuddling after was even better. and we just so happened to work together the next day. still flirtation, even a little more, as in referencing the night before and taps here and there. less awkward than i thought, but i couldn't help but wonder... what now? so we talked about a little, i asked him why he had me over and basically he said, "i thought you were cute when i first met you, i wanted to see where i could take it, but what else could we be? we work for a company that doesn't allow that and i'm pretty sure you don't wanna move stores, and i was vulnerable and wanted to feel something other than stress and heartbreak, and i wanted you to take it away. that night makes me smile." but now he's super stressed about everything going on with his ex and figuring out what will happen to their apartment, and seeing his ex cause like he said, he still cares and he feels bad about what happened to him. am i totally a rebound or can anything good come of this?
As long as you're his supervisor, no good can come of this. It sounds like he wanted to have fun that night, but he wasn't looking for anything longterm. And technically, there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't sound like he led you on with promises of something he didn't deliver. But it seems like, for now, he's not interested in a repeat performance. And frankly, that's probably for the best. The real problem now is you. Were YOU expecting something other than a night of fun? Were you hoping you would now be a couple? Can you handle just having had a night of fun with him, and now you're back to being his work supervisor? Oh, and from here on out, when you "know somebody is trouble the moment you lay eyes on them"...stop putting yourself in situations where you have sex with them. Lex
i guess, i wasn't expecting, but now i'm kind of hoping. i mean it was always clear he liked me, and i always knew i liked him whether i supressed it or not. he's everything i actually really want. i can handle leaving it at that, i really can. but it's hard not knowing if thats what he wants. but i don't wanna ask him cause he has so much going on already. but honestly, as much as i don't wanna transfer, if it meant him and me, i would. and yes, i know i shouldn't have put myself in that situation, but part of it was, I didn't want him to feel lonely and the other was... i'm really bad at saying no.
The first thing to keep in mind is... at least at some level, he broke up with his ex knowing he had a good shot at you. So think about what that says about him... if you were to go out with him, what's to stop the exact same thing from happening when he sees some other guy he thinks is cute. Personally, while *technically* he didn't do anything wrong as far as integrity goes, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Secondly, Lex is on the money. The reason companies have such policies is to prevent the exact sort of situation you're in. And the two of you blew it, so now you sort of have to live with that awkwardness. I'm inclined, both for your job, and for your mental health given what I said above, that you should both agree that it was a moment in time and that's it and let it go. Third, if you really, really do want to go for it... it is him that should move, not you. Yes, I know he hasn't been there long enough to transfer stores, but I'm assuming you've been at yours for a while and have a good team to work with. I know a bunch of people who work at Starbucks, and many of them have godawful managers who are lazy, shady, incompetent, or all three. If your situation is good now, I would personally suggest that it's not worth jeopardizing that by transferring to another store for some reoationship that may or may not work out. And completely separately from the above... if you have difficulties saying no, and feel a need to take care of someone else (by having them not feel lonely) you might want to spend a little time exploring yourself. Being unable to say no (whether it's to sex or to other things as well) is not at all healthy for you emotionally and perhaps you can use this as an opportunity to do some self-work to address those issues. Good luck, and keep us informed!
their relationship was very sour to begin with. this wasn't out of thin air. its not like it was something easy for him to do, they lived together, and now that all has to be figured out. it's not as simple as, "cute guy comes alone, time for a new game." i actually don't mind transferring, i've been thinking about it for a while. I It's somewhat vital to me getting promoted. The only thing that has me uneasy about it is the fact that it's right before our busiest time now, summer. (we're a block from the beach). And I'm kind of my manager's right hand man, so I'm uneasy to tell her it's time that i leave and just leave her hanging. We're going to a taping of Chelsea Lately on monday. I just wanna cheer him up and take away all his stress, just as his friend. So i think thats how I'm gonna handle it. Be his friend first, don't worry about something else blossoming and if it does... YIPPIE.
>>> Third, if you really, really do want to go for it... it is him that should move, not you. Yes, I know he hasn't been there long enough to transfer stores, but I'm assuming you've been at yours for a while and have a good team to work with. I know a bunch of people who work at Starbucks, and many of them have godawful managers who are lazy, shady, incompetent, or all three. If your situation is good now, I would personally suggest that it's not worth jeopardizing that by transferring to another store for some reoationship that may or may not work out. Sounds reasonable, in an ideal world. But we don't live in an ideal world. There's nothing to prevent this guy from saying "I want the relationship, and I'm not interested in changing jobs". If you want something to happen, it's going to be you. >>>We're going to a taping of Chelsea Lately on monday. I just wanna cheer him up and take away all his stress, just as his friend. So i think thats how I'm gonna handle it. I'm sensing another post come Tuesday. Lex
Bullshit. You've already decided you want to make something happen. And that's totally cool... nothing wrong with seeing an opportunity and running with it. But own your actions. You're not going "as his friend, to cheer him up"... right in your own statement you've said "if something happens, yippee" which means... that's what you're after... which means... you'll be trying, consciously or unconsciously, to make it happen. I wish you the best, just please be careful. Like Lex, I also sense another post coming on Tuesday, and I do think there's some real rebound happening with him. Rebound relationships can work, but usually don't. So just be prepared and try (though I think that opportunity has already passed) to not get too emotionally tied up quite so soon. In any case, best of luck and I hope it works out the way you want it to!
i guess i've never been good at that game. idk. he texts me all the time though. like at 11pm, "what are you doing stevie?". and theres still flirtation, but nothing too much. idk, i think it might work out. i hope it works out. and i'm not going to deny the fact that i know he loves chelsea lately and i wanna do it for him because i'm his friend... and more. so yeah, you're right chip. good job calling me on that one. i'm sure you'll hear more before tuesday.
my daily horoscope for tomorrow: Things that have been building towards a climax can intensify dramatically today, Capricorn. Expect to hear some unusual news that could affect your well-being in a positive way. Whatever this news might be it brings a release of tension and causes the pursuit of your plans to look so much easier. Whatever the restraints or restrictions are that apply to your situation may actually be removed today. Look for positive and productive ways to relieve anxiety and calm your nerves. ...just saying.
screw horoscopes! i picked him up. and watched him kiss his "ex boyfriend" goodbye. didn't ask. don't wanna know. don't care. pretty sure their back together. which means i was a one time rebound. fabulous. fml.
No one seems to remember horoscopes when they're wrong. Only when they're right. I'm actually of the opinion that it's all for the best. Move along, sir, move along. Lex
(*hug*) Chalk it up to another of life's lessons and move on... just make sure you've learned from it so you can recognize this situation the next time round before it steamrolls into something bigger.
Stevie, Really sorry to hear about that. No matter how or what the circumstances, it's always hurtful... and the people doing the hurting never seem to have much of any integrity about how hurtful their actions are. You deserve somebody with integrity and kindness. That person is out there. He probably won't be somebody that's drooling all over you and texting you every second, but somebody that feels a genuine and strong connection to you. Just keep looking... you'll find him
good news: i found that special guy and i'm in love. bad news: the asshole came back and bit me. he filed a sexual harassment claim at work. I have a meeting with my district manager tomorrow to see if I'm keeping my job. Probably not.
Well, next time a thread comes up about another ECer wanting to get involved with somebody at work, please come share your story. Best of luck. Lex
Stevie, I'm soooo sorry to hear this. I was on the board of a nonprofit where an employee actually filed suit against our exec director claiming of sexual harassment, and I got saddled with doing the formal investigation and making the report. In my investigation, it turned out there was overwhelming evidence of sexualized behavior that practically every employee had seen, so we had to terminate him. The problem is that even though you are likely 100% in the right here, Starbucks has to protect itself against legal action. If they have an employee they know has been accused of harassment and don't fire him, they have to be absolutely certain that the allegation isn't credible, or they become liable if the employee files a harassment action against them. And district managers are generally incredibly lazy and don't want to go to bat for employees because it requires too much work to document it. If they are willing to investigate it, you should be in the clear if your coworkers and manager will back up the fact that there's been no observation of any sort of harassment. But corporate may not want to take the risk of having to defend a legal action if he takes it further, since you violated a Starbucks policy. It really boils down to how much Starbucks values its employees vs. groundless harassment claims. I wish you the best. Please keep us updated.
