Ok well here comes another one of my long rant/vent threads with a question at the end. Apologies in advance for the length of it. Lately and pretty much all my life I've felt left out when it comes to things with me and my two brothers (they'll be mentioned quite a few times so let's call the older one D and younger C). Specifically each year, it's always when it comes to my birthday. Each year everyone in our immediate family pretty much breaks their backs to make sure their birthdays are as perfect as possible. While each year my birthday keeps getting worse and worse, sometimes I wish it wouldn't come at all so I could be spared these horrible feelings. The last birthday I had that was even remotely worth mentioning was back when I turned 9 and went to Chuck E Cheese's which wasn't anything big but at least I had some fun. Last year was the worse it's been ever, I got to sit in my step-great grandmother's house and watch my mom make out with a guy she had just met 8 days before while starving and wanting to just destroy the whole house. Last year D was given a huge $300 dinner, ~$100 to just spend, new outfit and shoes, and another $40 for a new tattoo (I know since I was sent to get it out the ATM) while C had a dinner, new DS with about 2-3 games, outfit + shoes, and a huge bowling party. I just don't get why each year my birthday has to go by pretty much forgotten while they get anything and everything that they ask for. Everyone always complains about D not working and he's already 20 yet that seems to slip everyone's mind when it comes around to his birthday, I mean wth. Although I don't completely know my mom's current finances I know she has over $400 sitting in her wallet right now since she opened it and I counted. She's expecting a baby sometime this upcoming week and even the baby has gotten more stuff in the past 2 weeks than I have in years so the excuse "Well we need to prepare for when I have your sister this week" isn't even optional. I know the more important meaning of my birthday would just be having a good time with family but how is that even possible when I'm treated as less of a person than everyone else? =/ Then there was the small stuff from this morning. My little brother has a bed-wetting problem that's pretty bad and I had the same problem but not as bad up until I was 12 (one year older than what he is now). We've been staying in a hotel for the past 2 1/2 months and I've been forced to share a bed with him meaning I have to smell piss just about every morning. I covered my nose when he got up since the smell was pretty bad and my mom asks, "What's wrong with you?" I told her that he had wet himself and she brushed it off as it was nothing and then gets mad at me for saying it out loud with her bf sitting next to us. That strangely pissed me off since if that had been me back when I was 11 she wouldn't have thought twice about yelling at me for wetting the bed again then laughing with her old ex-bf and D at me for stinking. My birthday is tomorrow and instead of being excited how my brothers are every birthday they have, I'm sitting here wanting to cry because once again my birthday is gonna suck for the 8th year in a row. I'm thinking of coming out the closet tomorrow just for the hell of it so that I have something to at least remember from this birthday. I guess the only real question that I have would be the one from the title. Thanks to anyone that bothers to read all of that and/or comments.
Is it favoritism? Of course it is. Is there anything you can do about it? Not really. The one thing you CAN do is reset your expectations. You've sat around waiting for a good birthday for the last six or seven years, and been disappointed for the last six or seven years. So stop expecting anything for your birthday. At all. Start taking control of your birthday. What would YOU like to do for your birthday? Finances might be limited but your options aren't. Invite some friends. Maybe have lunch or dinner at a favorite (cheap) place - be it a burger joint, a pizza parlor, a deli. Go see a movie, go bowling, go hit the mall and people-watch. Whatever your idea of fun is, go have it. And let your family do whatever the heck they want that day, because you'll be busy having your own fun. Oh, and ask the hotel for an extra pair of sheets, and sleep on the floor. Lex
Thanks for the ideas and I wish that I could do that but sadly I can't. I have no real friends that I could go anywhere with. I'm also not really the type of person that easily makes new friends. Normally people end up asking me how come I'm so quiet and from there we start talking. I have no way to get around to go anywhere and my mom's never let any of us really walk anywhere that's more than 2-3 streets away. I also don't know my way around anywhere out here since the hotel we're staying at is a 20 minute drive on the freeway away from where I go to school at. There's really only two girls I'd consider somwhat friends that I hang out with at school and they're bother younger than me. I can't even try to get a job right now since we're constantly moving around and I'd have no way of getting back and forth to work so I'm completely broke as well.
Then you make your own birthday the best it can be. Maybe that means getting a book (either a new one, or an old favorite, or one from the library), finding a nice place outside, and reading in blessed solitude. Whatever you can manage to do, that's what you do. Lex
I agree, just go do whatever you like doing and make Your Birthday fun for You. If theres somewhere you like to go, something you like to do then do it as its your day and what everyone else wants is irrelivant. It is blatant Favoritism and it is bang out of order though I expect you're used to it. Also to me they don't seem like they are worth immpressing and if it was me I would be passed caring what they think.
^ Bingo. There's an element of favoritism in my family as well, although nowhere near what the OP says. My older brother has always been my mother's favorite, and my younger sister was my father's favorite, so I was sort of literally stuck in the middle. Mind you, they never made me feel left out, and they always supported me in everything I did. But my partner (who's an only child) was a bit stunned by it when he first noticed my family dynamic. But I'm long over letting it affect me. They wrote a (favorable) piece about me in the newspaper a few years back, and my mother called me, stunned. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to be in the newspaper?" I responded, totally honestly, that I didn't think she'd think it was that interesting. Lex
I'm one of the "favorites" in my family. Coming from a different point of view, I just wanna say don't get mad at your siblings. It's your mom that is doing it, not them. My siblings would pick on me because my mom would spoiled me, and my sister was really mean to me. Now on the subject of your birthday. Like everyone is saying, do want you want to do!! Make it the best you can, even if it's something simple. Do whatever you like to do.
yer know how you feel for the last five years (except this year all i wanted was a lie in and i got woken up at 5 am to open presents bogus i know) ive been promised a party for my birth day has it ever happened no i've asked they say they will and they dont. and what dose my sister get one every year. i know how you feel but thier point is still valid do what makes you happy thats all that counts. do what you want even its doing somthing that others dont approve of. if my parents found out what i did on my birth day they would be livid but it made me feel better. its your day spend it how you want to.
Well if it helps to make things a little better... Happy birthday!! :eusa_danc :icon_bigg What time is the party? I've been watching your posts on and off for some time and you definitely have it rough. If I'm not mistaken you also have a pretty rocky relationship with your mother, and from the way you describe things, it doesn't sound like she's helping anything... I really do feel for you... (*hug*) I guess the best you can do is to thrive in spite of your unfortunate circumstances. Prove that you're better than your mother and anyone else by turning out to be a great human being who makes a difference in the world. Dig deep into yourself and find your own strength, whether this is on your birthday or any other day when the going gets tough... Be your own best friend and the person who cares about you, and then you'll show them that you can succeed and grow despite how they treat you. At least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that whatever you make of your life, you did it for yourself!
On your Birthday, I think you should permit yourself to do something special. It doesn't matter whether or not its going to cost- whatever it is, like reading or maybe even something simple like looking at the stars before the night ends, just do something to keep your mind off all those things, and more on what you should do on your birthday. Don't let it bug you, especially on this day. By the way- it is favoritism, but don't let it get to you, ok? Happy birthday by the way! I wish I could give you some sort of gift or something to help you feel better so how about a b-day hug xD(*hug*)
Thanks everyone for all the advice/comments. For the most part my birthday was the same as always and I got forced into having to sit in the back of a hot car while my mom and her bf drove around everywhere looking at places to move into. Everything turned bad towards 8 that night when we all got back to the hotel room. My mom and her bf started arguing and all of a sudden they're throwing water, juice, and other crap all over each other and it flew everywhere. Luckily I didn't get wet since I just went to the corner that was staying completely dry but my DS was plugged into a wall to charge while they were doing that and got soaked so now it's fried. She's also just brushed it off as if it were nothing then tried to blame me saying it's my fault for having it charging on that desk...which is where it's been charging perfectly fine for the past month until they did that. Well at least next year I'll be 18 and I can go out and spend the day alone whether she likes it or not and I had some joy in telling her that then seeing her face go blank with disbelief. Thanks again for everything everyone. (&&&)
