what's wrong with me?

That's actually a pretty complex set of issues all piled together... But I wouldn't say that there's anything wrong with you. You might want to be a little less selective about the friends in your life, but then that may not be possible given the circumstances.

Given that things should be looking up for you next year by your own account, you might want to be looking for a temporary coping strategy in the meantime. With your limited options, I'd personally try to find some kind of happy medium with this guy who likes you, some kind of relationship where you both agree to the terms of engagement. Like for example he doesn't harass you (explain to him why you don't like that), and you maybe spend more time with him. Without the benefit of having all the details, I wonder if you might be dismissing this option a little too quickly.

Or try to change the relationship you have with this guy that you like. Tell him that you think this might work, but that you're not getting the sense from him that he's interested in making it work on his side. On the other hand, I tend to find that people who change plans on their friends are revealing something about what they think of their friends...

Also try to expand your circle of friends by looking outside of school. Any interesting extracurricular activities that you could participate in? Sports? Music? Even things like youth groups or LGBT groups... just a way to meet some people other than just those in your school. The more people you meet, the more likely you'll be to find someone you can relate to.

Finally one last note, don't judge yourself by how many friends you have. Friends come and go, and the one thing that's certain when you're at a low point like this is that the pendulum will swing in the other direction and soon you'll have lots of friends. The key is to not let either extreme get to you. Find a way to be happy both with and without other people, and you'll be able to ride out these ups and downs.

 

no one would make fun of you for crying. it's healthy and natural, and you have more going on than most people in the world ever have to deal with even when they're older and more experienced. you don't have to tell people about it, but crying lets your feelings out and you may feel a little better for a while.

and if you don't believe me, Dane Cook makes a completely true joke about crying in Vicious Circle, i don't know if you like him or not, but it could help.

you may have to just endure for a little while until you get to that better place, but you sound strong enough and positive enough that i'm confident you can do it. in the mean time, you have all of us here to vent to because we love trying to fix problems.

 

Sorry to hear about how ur feeling now my friend.

I can just imagine how you feel. I was like that when I was in high school too.

However, let me start by explaining something to you about your guy no.2. You know, the one you can't stand? Well...that's how chemistry works. I mean, one minute your into someone he other, your not. It is all a matter of attention. If you get too much: you get turned off. If you get too little: you want more. Or, likewise, Nice guys who are attracted to assholes. Assholes, pick on nice guys the like.
Simply: opposites attract. But there will always be an interest in conflict.

As far as not having any friends at school go. I always say, true friends are made when you open your mind to your own reality. You need to really look into yourself and analyse if you put yourself in a position to gain real friends. Are you trying to fit into a group, some kind of trendy or popular crowd or do you REALLY want friends.

I tell everyone this, (who I do peer counselling with) if you want a groupy, be risqué. If you want friends, be yourself.

It may not happen in a day or a week. But the less you quit focusing on how many people around you are fond of you and start doing what you are sent to school for--to learn- then life will become allot less frustrating for you.

You say you want to be successful. Then vision yourself to be and don't be needy. Not talking about friends here. I am talking about having a companion. Dating can be depressing. So if your going to go chasing guys you better be strong willed. Which, obviously, you arnt. SO, spend time just being your optimum health and beauty.
Exercise and study, everyday. Thats my motto. and I am sharing it with you.

 

I actually might have done this... Really, where do some people get off being so ignorant and being so vocal about it?! I don't know much about your personality, but if you have it in you, you might want to actually take a stand with them when they say things like this. Defend yourself and who you are. Tell them that this is just plain wrong and that they are showing their ignorance when they say things like this. Or use humor to get your point across... like when they said it would be weird having you at the party becuase you're gay, say "Yeah, you're right, I'd probably end up raping you... but then again maybe not because you're butt ugly..."

Sorry if I'm losing it, but your "friends" make me mad...

 

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was when I called the Trevor Project and, after listening to me rant, the guy went over every problem I'd listed and basically asked me, "Is that your fault? Is that a thing that's wrong with you?" and every time I was forced to admit, "No. I didn't make that happen. And even if I reacted a bit stupidly, my reaction made sense" until, finally, I had to admit the truth: There is nothing wrong with me.

Well, guess what? All those problem you listed, they aren't things you did. They aren't things within your control. In fact, you're actively taking steps to improve your condition and to get away from those problems. So, the answer to your question: There is nothing wrong with you. Say it to yourself, remind yourself every time you feel that way, tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids. There is nothing wrong with you.

 

Well, I do see some positive parts of your situation. You are going to be changing schools, which will allow you to make new friends (or meet with old ones) as well as re-establish yourself. It sounds like your school is very bigoted and somewhat vicious.

When you are being bullied, just try to think about your life being better in the future. You only have a couple of years until you are out of high school and either in college or on your own. When this happens, you'll be able to choose who you associate with more, and be in an environment of more mature people.