confused and could use some help.

Until your sure if your gay or not then you should wait to tell people in case you realize your straight. Although I can't speak on behalf of your parets they may just want you to get a girlfriend to be happy. I don't think they would treat you all too different it may come as a shock but it shouldn't be too bad. As for your friends I think they would probably stop the jokes if they found out you were gay because they wouldn't want to offend you. Alot of people make jokes like that without even ralizing it hurts peoples feelings. There are sure to be people to stick by you. I really hope this helps and I am here to talk if ya want =]

 

Before I came out, half of my good friends were straight guys. After I came out, it was no different.

If you feel compelled to come out, do it. Tell each of them, one at a time or all together. Give them some time to get used to it, and after the initial awkwardness of it all things will very likely be the same. Except that maybe they won't make as many gay jokes, or you'll make more of them. Either way, you'll probably feel better about it.

Good luck!

 

It's totally okay to come out as questioning. I did; to some extent I still do. It's common for people to wonder how coming out will be taken, and that's true even if our friends and family seem totally supportive (my dad was horrified and outraged when he learned Obama opposed same-sex marriage and I was still scared of coming out to him).

Dealing with prejudiced friends is hard. It's hard enough to call people out for making off-color comments when you aren't a member of the targeted group, let alone when you are.

It's generally easier to confront those comments in smaller groups. Maybe when it's just you and a friend when he makes the joke, you can say, "Dude, that's not really a cool thing to say. I'm pretty offended by that sort of comment." Whether you come out to them is of course, your decision. It may crop up as a question if you tell them you don't like gay jokes (though it's also completely okay to say, "How is that even relevant?").

As to what'll happen, well, you'll find out how good of friends they are. You say they're nice and fun to hang out with, but if they won't accept you as gay/bi/questioning, they aren't nice. Even if you're straight and they're prejudiced against gay people, they aren't nice. It's cliched, and hard to believe, but if they won't be your friend if you're gay, they aren't really your friend. They're friends with an imaginary mjj983, not you.

But a lot of people who make gay jokes just don't get it. They don't realize why they're offensive, or that they actively hurt the cause of LGBT rights. It isn't your job to educate them, of course, though if you want, you can. If you're interested, PM me and I'll try and find you some articles on just why gay jokes are harmful.

 

Turns out we don't have permission to PM. Maybe that's only for Full Members, not Regulars.

Not surprisingly, I couldn't find as many articles as expected (happens all the time). Here's what I could find:

Think before you speak, a whole website devoted to discussing the use of language and how it affects LGBT people.

Intent! It's Fucking Magic! The best article ever on why it doesn't matter if you don't mean to offend.

No, you meant to be hateful, another article in a similar vein. More of a parenting focus, but still good.

Finally, while it's a video and about racism, not homophobia, it's still really valuable: How to tell people they sound racist:

[YOUTUBE]b0Ti-gkJiXc[/YOUTUBE]

 

Hi there and welcome to EC. You're in the same position that many / most of us have been in at some point in the past. We weren't sure. We felt very alone. We desperately wanted things to remain the same with our family and friends, and we were afraid that if we were to tell them this 'secret' that things would change.

There's no hurry to come out to anyone. Instead, just hang out here for a while. You'll find that we're a pretty awesome bunch. You'll also read one coming out story after another that has a happy ending, and you'll soon be convinced that it won't be as bad as you originally thought it would be.

But until then, don't worry about coming out. Do your own thing. Good luck!

 

Before I came out to one of my friends he made gay jokes constantly, it seemed a lot of the time they were aimed at me too, but I think he just did them a lot in general...more than average. When the topic of gay marriage came up he was strongly against it and said he voted to ban it in California that past year. "Fag" was a common word in his life.

When I came out to him I thought he would react the most negatively out of everyone, he ended up being the most accepting and positive I could have asked for. I was blown away. He was happy for me that I could finally be out, apologized for the things he said and realized now that not every gay person was the stereotypical flamer and if he could go back he would not have voted to ban gay marriage and in the future would vote for it to be legal. We're probably just as close now as we were before. I think it will be a little odd at first, when I get my first BF, etc. but I'm sure they'll learn to adapt.

People sometimes have a wall up to hide their true feelings or once they know it's actually someone they care about it changes everything.

 

You'll have to ask yourself which is worse...

Is it worse to keep this from them and forever wonder if they'd really like to hang with me if they knew the truth? In this case, you're gay and you're hanging out with people who you assume don't like gays.

OR, is it worse to be honest with your friends and find out how they really feel - knowing that there are two possible outcomes: 1) They'll remain your friends and stop the gay jokes. In this case, you're gay and you're hanging out with people you know are cool with gays. 2) They'll freak out and won't want to hang out with you. In this case, you're gay, and you no longer hang out with people who you have confirmed don't like gays.

Personally, I prefer both the possible outcomes that come from being honest over the status quo of keeping this a secret. I'd rather know where I stand with people. Hanging out with people who you think don't actually like you really isn't very good for your ego or self confidence.

 

Your parents probably won't be too shocked, since the whole gay porn incident. My mom was shocked and cried for a few days, but was ok with it. She just needed to adjust to it.

As for your friends, well when I told my friend(who always would say "that's gay", etc.) he was cool about it. We talk sometimes about it and it's not really awkward.

Good luck on your coming out!! And keep us posted!!