Warning: There is a LOT of sexuality in this story. If you will be offended by very straightforward descriptions of sexual occurrences, please do not read this. So I really don't know where to start this, or how to explain it, or, well, what to do. I guess to start, I'm 17 years old. I guess you could call me bi, I don't really like to think about it that way though. I'll love who I love, for who they are, and if someone is attractive, they're attractive, all regardless of gender. Currently, I'm in a relationship with a girl, 15 years old. We've been together just over 3 months now... but it's been the best 3 months of my life (until very recently, which I'll get to shortly). I tend to be very mature for my age, or so I'm told, and I'm generally very... cynical. Realistic. Not the type you'd think to be saying I love you at such a young age, at all. But... I have, I do, I know it's the truth. At least, I may not know what true love really is, but I'm taking my best guess and going with something like this. Even seeing her name pop up on my phone makes me smile, the caress of her fingers sends chills down my spine, I'm infinitely happier whenever I'm with her, pretty much everything somehow relates back to her in my head... I can keep going, but I think you get the point. (Preface to this next paragraph: I'd thought going into the relationship that she'd be kind of prudish. I was fine with that. Turns out, well, she's not. I'd been fingering her for a while before this, went down on her once or twice. She'd never been into my pants, because she was disgusted by the hype of the action... I've been fine with that too. But it still left me a little... backed up, frustrated, you know. But she was always all over me, dryhumping, all that good stuff. Biting and nails, pretty kinky, which was also very surprising. She was a virgin, I was not, barely. Had a very short sexual experience not long before, resulted in much the same as the end of my story.) Now, to my problem... She'd been waiting to get on the pill to have sex, but her mother is and was stalling, so she finally changed her mind and decided a condom was good enough. (I never pressured her into it or anything, let her make the decision entirely in and of herself.) This was recently. One night, there was an overnight event at my school that we used as an excuse for her to stay at my place for the night... We didn't end up having sex, because I didn't want to make the first move, as I'd been waiting for her the whole time and she'd told me she respected me for it. This led to our first fight... for no reason really, just her thinking I was blaming her when we talked about it when I really wasn't, then getting defensive about it which made me defensive and... it just wasn't good. We got over that quickly, and things went on like normal. The first time we tried, a week later, I was exhausted and had had a really, really bad day. Couldn't get it up, at all. I got pretty torn up about it... but things were okay afterwards, and she was really understanding. Second time... a little more success... but not much. Got it half up, but couldn't make anything happen. This time wasn't so smooth. She'd told me the time before that it wasn't a big deal and she hated seeing me beat myself up for it, so this time I tried to act like it wasn't that big of a deal. (It was for me, obviously...) She reacted... poorly. I don't blame her... She got into the whole "is it me that's the problem" thought process and everything that goes a long with it... we got into a big fight the next day. A few days after that, things were smoothed over, and we were as good as ever, again. A few days after this, it happens. It was short and sweet, I only lasted like 10 minutes. Give me a break, I'd been backed up for 3 months, and I made her squirt right beforehand fingering her. So things were really good. We were closer than ever. Yesterday, we had an all day school trip. We stayed together the entire time, had a blast, were generally cute... it was great. It was also, however exhausting. I didn't get that much sleep... Then today comes. I went over to her house in the morning as her family went out for a few hours. We tried having sex again... and it worked great. For about 10 minutes, until I lost it. Couldn't keep it up. I finished her off, no hard feelings were had. This was 11ish. We went shopping together for awhile, had a great time teasing each other while we were doing it, and came back to my house around 2ish. Turns out no one was home. We started going at it, again. I felt better this time, so I figured I'd go for it again. Why not. A little more success was had... about 15, maybe 20 minutes, until, again, I lost it. This time, however, she finished me off, which I was very surprised at, and grateful for. So... there it is. There's no hard feelings about it at all, we just joked about how we (I) need to "work on the whole 'sex' thing." But I'm still, well, I don't know, worried is close enough. Is this normal? She's turning out to be very, very sexual, and I want to be able to keep up with her.. to give her what she wants.. to be the best I can for her. I really appreciate any help you can give, and thanks for your time.
One of the great things about being gay (to me) is that it frees me of the shackles of thinking that sex is any certain activity. For straight folks, sex equates to "man puts penis in vagina until orgasm". But with gays, there is no assumptive. Some might assume it's anal, or perhaps oral, but literally, anything goes. Whatever we like doing physically in the bedroom is sex. And that's true no matter what body part goes where. So here's the issue with you. She doesn't seem all that gung-ho about having vaginal intercourse. And you're getting more and more frustrated attempting to maintain an erection during vaginal intercourse. So why not do (what to me is) the obvious thing? Stop having vaginal intercourse. She apparently likes you getting her off via manual and/or oral stimulation. That's great - stick with it. As for you, figure out something else. You said she "finished you off" once, although it's not clear if that's via oral or manual. But feel free to ask if that's something that she's be willing to do for you on a regular basis. If not, find something else. Maybe get her off, then just have her lay in your arms as you masturbate yourself to orgasm. Is this normal? It doesn't matter if it's normal. If two people love getting dressed up as fast-food workers in the bedroom, and doing things with onion rings and milkshakes, then it's normal for them. Lex
I think Lex has given some great advice. I'd add this thought: Sex is pretty new for you, it sounds like, and you're concerned about pleasing her and doing a good job. Just the awareness that you're trying to please her is going to make you a little anxious/nervous, and that, in turn, is going to cause you some difficulty maintaining an erection. It's true for almost everyone, and all you need to do is relax and recognize it for what it is, and enjoy the moment in whatever way it appears. As you become more comfortable and confident, it will be much less likely to happen.
Hi and first thing welcome to EC Well, as Lex said, there is no rules about sex. Everyone is different, everyone likes different things, and even the things you like can change from one partner to another. Unfortunatly, when it comes about straight sex, people, and especially young people, seem to have a lot of preconceived ideas about "how to perform" and "what is the norme". Truth is, there is none. Add this to the fact that both your girlfriend and you are new to this. You barely know each other on a physical plan, and you barely know yourself too. You still have a lot of things to explore and to discover, wich is great. Just don't pressure yourself with ideas on "how you have to perform", because what's important is that you make these moments enjoyable for both of you (and it seems that for the time being you're pretty successful). On a side note, and just to reassure you completly, most women who reach the orgasm from vaginal intercourse reach it between 7 and 14 minutes, so you really don't have to pressure yourself with the idea that you have to perform for hours And very few women reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse only. Most of them get it from clitoral stimulation. So it seems that you're doing exactly the right thing pleasuring your girlfriend from manual and/or oral stimulation. Instead of worrying on how long you can keep the penetration going, try to make the most of it. Maybe by switching positions, maybe by stimulating your girlfriend clitoris in the same time... You've got a lot of options in fact. The most important thing is to keep the communication open with her on what both of you like, dislike, would like to try... And keep in mind that reaching orgasm is not necessarily the most important thing either. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not, sometimes it happens for one of the partner and not for the other... That's just how sexuality is working. What's important is that you make those moments enjoyable and keep trusting each other. If you want to discuss this further or have any kind of questions, you're very welcome to Pm me any time. Take care, Cécile
I really appreciate the responses. My only problem, really, is that I feel like, I, well, probably should be able to maintain my erection. Premature ejaculation I wouldn't worry about, nor would I so much having nothing happen at all, because I know both of those can happen, but I haven't heard much about having it and losing it, repeatedly, during vaginal intercourse. Especially when not really having any problems otherwise. Yeah, there aren't really any problems because of it, for now, because I generally know my way around down there. Figure I can't be doing too bad because of the whole squirting thing (I hear that's not exactly common?)... It's just that, whether or not it's the social stigma behind it, to me, or us, the vaginal intercourse is the next step, the final frontier, the... you catch my drift. I guess I'll just give it time. See how things turn out. Thanks for the help you guys, it's good to know there's a community like this that people can come to for help.
