Hmm.. a reeeally confusing thing with me. I really badly want to come out, but I'm too scared about the reaction... I feel that because I've kept up this "straight" facade for too long people will think I've lied to them, and then I'll lose friends over that. I guess it's good to come out and find out who your true friends are, but the thing is I don't want to lose any of them... Plus the fact I've got a twin sister makes it a hell of a lot more difficult. Word would get around and she'd find out. I'm not really close with her, and I know if I tell her she won't say anything to my parents, but I have a feeling that when she gets really pissed off at me (which she always does) she'll blab it and tell my parents. I definitely don't want my parents finding out... I have come out to a few people, and so far its turned out fine, but I'm not sure about the majority of the others.. I have a feeling I'll be ditched forever. I've got some gay friends (well, friend..) at school, but he's a bitch and I dunno how he'd react. I guess I'm just friends with him because I'm friends with his friends, but I can tell for a fact right now he doesn't consider me much of a friend, and to be honest I don't either. I know he'd react fine if he found out I was gay, but meh. I dunno... So yeah, pretty confusing stuff. I don't want to come out now because I'm doing my VCE and all, and I've already got enough on my plate to have one more major issue to deal with. How do you guys think is the best way to come out? I hate the fact that some people tell guys that have come out that they've "lied" to them and they can't believe they did that... they don't understand what it's like, and it's so frustrating. At parties and stuff I make out with girls and not guys just because I don't want anyone to know I'm gay. I mean I'm still gay and drunken making out means nothing (...right? haha), but I feel that a lot of people will go "OMG you LIED to me!!!" and "You made out with me and you're GAY!?"...... so I guess that's the main problem I'm having trouble dealing with myself. When my guy friends ask me who's hot and all that I feel like I'm lying to them too. But one time one of them just jokingly said "You're not gay are you?" and I denied it - I lied then, and I'm scared that he's gonna turn around and say I lied to him and all that crap. I know he wouldn't care if I was gay - he's friends with the other gay guy - but yeah... I don't like all the lying, and I'm afraid about how people are gonna react to that. argh sorry for the essay... :lol: Any advice?
Do you really think your friends would directly accuse you of lying to them about your sexuality? It's sometimes easier to put on a 'straight' facade & go along with what's 'normal'....but surely if you come out to them they would understand it's not easy to accept & admit your sexual orientation at your age. It would be extremely unfair if they responded in that manner because they have NOT experienced the same issue. When you first start coming out, you're already scared & nervous about how people might react. The last thing you need on-top of that is your friends getting shitty because you 'lied' to them. I'd also be stunned if your sister would intentionally use this information against you in the heat of the moment. It might be best to err on the side of caution with her, until you feel safe that she would not act out in such a manner just because she's mad with you. And I don't see any problem with the fact that you've made out with girls at parties....some people have been married and had children before realising their orientation. But I understand that at the moment it's about protecting yourself until you are ready for other people to know. Some of the girls may get upset when you decide to come out, & that's probably to be expected. But don't get too concerned. Just let them know your intention was not to hurt or mislead them, & be honest with them about why you felt the need to hide who you really were. I hope things go well for you, however you chose to approach this. It's not easy coming out at any age & I think the fact you're in highschool makes it harder....but alot more braver than I was!! :goodluck:
Thanks for that. My sister tends to blab secrets whenever she's pissed off and arguing with me in front of my parents... so I don't tell her anything anymore. People say it's sad that we don't have a close relationship because we're twins, but that's just how it is... The main hurdle I think I have to overcome is the worrying about what other people are going to think of me/do... One day soon enough I'll get over myself
I think the time for your coming out is of your own choosing. However, I don't think you should be making out with girls at parties to cover your being gay. That is intentially using girls and I wouldn't blame them for being angry. That is different than somebody getting married and realising they are gay later. Know what I mean? I think you should just try being comfortable in your own shoes without trying to cover up anything. You don't have to scream to the world "I'm gay!" yet, but don't do things that you know don't feel good to you or would hurt other people.
Oh yeah I get where you're coming from. Making out with them to hide me being gay isn't the only reason why I do it though; I still have fun doing it. I even have friends who are lesbians who I make out with. The girls I make out with I know, and I guess the parties are really gatherings with my group of friends and not actual 'parties' with people we don't know, so we're all good friends. It's not like I go to a party with 100 people and 80 of them I don't know and girls are flirting with me or anything - I don't make a move when I'm being hit on by a girl at one of those parties. But some of the girls at the gatherings I make out with know I'm gay, some of them are lesbians, and some of them have no clue I'm gay, but it's definitely nothing emotionally connected and I can guarantee that! If I knew a girl liked me I definitely wouldn't use her to my advantage of "covering up" my sexuality. But when I make out with girls at our gatherings it sort of throws people off a bit who might suspect I'm gay, so there's a slight advantage there hehe. I still have fun doing it (that's why I do it!), and they just do it for fun too, so is that still bad?
Geez sorry but I just realised how bad it sounded in my first post!! Honestly, I make out with girls I'm friends with mainly for fun - the fact that it throws people off thinking I'm gay is just a slight bonus
