I sounds pathetic, I know, but right now I just feel completely alone. I suppose that for some reason, it takes a lot for me to consider someone a friend. For most of my high school 'career', I considered myself to have three friends - two girls and a guy. One of the girls graduated last year, and she has been very busy. I don't get to see her hardly at all. The guy won't even talk to me anymore because he is so involved with his girlfriend and other people. The other girl won't even talk to me any more. I know I did something, but I don't know what it was. So, basically, I feel all alone in the world. :icon_sad: Anyone else feel that way?
Sometimes. I think everyone feels lonely sometimes. And it's not pathetic at all. Try asking them if you did something wrong.
Two of them wont' even talk to me. And the girl who graduated last year doesn't exactly have daily texting conversation with me. Usually we get a few texts back and forth a week. I guess I'll just have to wait this out.
So, do you often expect daily texting conversations from your friends? I know this is really hard to hear, because I'v been in this same situation, but it sounds like you're in a situation where they've moved on, and you werent ready for it. However, if you're expecting daily texting conversations from your friends, that's too much. Some people just dont like to text that much and would rather converse in person with you. Or talking on the phone. It's a hard thing to move on from good friends, but if you're not talking anymore, then I think it's time to let them go live their lives and get on with your own. I did when I had this problem, and I'm better for it.
I guess part of it is that I don't really have anything to do. No after-school activities, no get-togethers, nothing. My school's GSA is basically over for the year, and even though I'm working on setting up a summer GSA for the area, I'm left alone much of the time. I don't even have homework this year! When school is over for the day, I'm done.
Friendship is a favorite topic of mine... because I believe it can be as complicated as love relationships... sometimes even more complicated. I've been in your situation too many times to count... and yet the pendulum always swings back in the other direction and there are times when friends seem to flow like water. I'm convinced there are three levels of friendship; casual acquaintances, good friends, and your "inner circle". I like to think of the "friendship game" as a sort of video game. All your life you're on a quest. Your objective is to engage as many people as you can so that you can move a number of them into the first category of casual acquaintances. These are the people you get along with, maybe hang out with. They can be people at work you go out for lunch with, or friends in school that you sit with over lunch and who you are able to talk to on some level beyond just "Hello". Maybe 20% of the people you meet in your life will make it to this level. Your task at this stage is to filter this group to find the "good friends" among them. These are people you actually look forward to being with, and you go out of your way to see them. So you'll get together outside of school or work, for example on weekends. You may go with them to the mall or to a movie or for a hike (me ). You have a deeper relationship with them - there is some sort of connection that keeps bringing you back, even when you're away from each other for periods. These may be only 2% of the people you meet in your life, but they're worth looking for because they enrich your days on earth. Out of this group come the real gems, the ones you let into your "inner circle" of friends. These are the people you resonate with. These are people who want to spend time with you just as strongly as you want to spend time with them. These are people you trust with your inner secrets, who you can share emotions with. These are very few and far between, but they make life worthwhile. You actually look forward to the times you're together and the plans that you make. They also take on added responsibilities; they are there for you when you're down or you're hurting, just like they're there for you in your happiest moments. These are rare - you might only have 10 of these friendships over your entire life. Here's the thing. The "casual acquaintances" come and go. You may become attached to them out of loneliness, but the feeling is not necessarily mutual and eventually most of the ones who don't graduate to the next level of friendship move on. You'll have to be prepared to lose 9 out of 10 of these people in your life to find the 1 that will be a good friend. It's not very different from "playing the field" in the dating game. You're always on the lookout for the ones that become good friends. But even the good friends eventually drift away over time. Your interests change, your circumstances change, sometimes you forge better friendships with others, or they do the same. It can hurt more to lose these people because they meant more to you. And because of how this works, there may be times when you're the one dropping them as you move on with your life and new friendships, or you can be the one being dropped, and at times it can leave you with a real emptiness in your life. The thing to realize is that when friends "come and go", it means that they come as well as go. So almost every low period when you feel lonely and like you have no good friends in the world is followed by a swing in the other direction, where you almost have too many friends! It's during these low periods, like the one you're in now, when you need to think about things objectively. The hardest thing to accept when you're in a low point is that it will only be temporary, and that day always follows night. It's just challenging to believe this in the darkness of night, but it always happens. The other thing is that during these times you need to be your own best friend. I've learned to enjoy solitude and being alone, not because I have learned to be a loser but because there are certain freedoms that come with being alone and free. It's a chance to rework who I am, to try new things, to put myself into new situations. It's a start of the renewal process, where new friendships are just around the corner. The real value in all of this is the very special few who graduate from good friends to your inner circle. These people tend to be friends for life - only a few will ever really drift away from you. It's the prize you win for putting up with the highs and lows of the lifelong search for friends. Eventually you build up a select group of these very special people, and they make the whole messy process of finding them worthwhile. By the way, this process of finding and filtering friends is continuous and ongoing, whether you're single or in a relationship. There's always a period during the start of a relationship when the two lovebirds isolate themselves to spend 25 hours a day with each other. If they're smart they'll keep their inner circle of friends during this period. And if they're not smart, then they may lose their inner circle, but there will always come a time when they will feel the loss... because the bloom wears off the relationship. I lost a couple of very special friends when they got girlfriends and it really hurt me, but I got over them in time. I'm a believer that over the course of our lives all humans need lovers/partners and we also need an inner circle of friends, and over time we usually get both. So to bring this back to you, you very likely didn't do anything wrong. Your friends are coming and going, and you're in the process of discovering who your true friends, your "inner circle" really are. You're also at that very painful age when your friends are finding their love interests and they're not being very careful about keeping their friends. It's them, not you. This is really when you need to be your own best friend, and when you need to take advantage of your freedom to put yourself into new situations where you'll meet potential new friends. The more people you expose yourself to, the more people you'll plug into your "friendship funnel" to find the good friends and eventually your inner circle of best friends. And in the meantime you will find lots of friends here at EC, because you're not the only one in this situation. You may surprise yourself with the friendships you can forge here - if you allow that to happen, of course... So hang in there - it gets better. It always does!
i agree with taylor; i also been in this same similar situation where i have my 3 best friends; but every1 had to go aboard; and i wasn't ready for it; this all happened last year; and saddly to say i went to a half year depression for it;(which was wrong) i hardly make good friends or in other words; i rarely make ppl that close to me as it takes time to do so. But from the good side of view in this; i got on with my life and i became stronger; i learned not to get attached to some1 that much; so i suggest you forget them and work on your life; feeling pain is part of life and being alive; so don't worry; i hope my story helped you
Don't wait for your friends' schedules to open up or for your friend to come around. Start making new ones. No, you won't have another BFF tomorrow or next week, but you'll have started down the path to having one. Lex
Wow.:eek: That's a long reply. But thanks anyway! I guess I'm reluctant to leave them because we were so close. The guy, who I'll call A, was pretty much my only friend throughout elementary school. I found a few friends in middle school, but they left to go their separate ways. The girl who has graduated, let's call her K, is either working, going to school, or sleeping. We were definitely close. She was one of my best friends at band camp. (If anyone out there is a fellow band geek, you know what that means.) I know, and I accept that she is busy, but I do miss our talks. And the girl who won't talk to me, H, well... that's a long story. I'll only get into it later if I have to. We were so close before. Then she grew up and started dating. That's not what makes me upset. What makes me upset is that she has practically just 'dropped' me. And that's almost literally. I don't really have any place to go and hang out. I mean, I can go - I have a car - but there is nowhere to go. Not in my city. I've been trying to get a job, but so far that hasn't worked out. I'm just getting really tired of sitting around the house watching TV all day. As much as I enjoy it, I get the feeling that I'm missing something. I sort of have a project that I'm working on, but the saw blade broke, so I have to wait for my dad to get a new one. And who knows how long that will take? I just want to get out and do something. Of course, it seems to me that when I occasionally bike out to the lake just to hang, my parents will eventually make me come home so that I can do thing. (Yes I love my parents, but hey, I'm a teenager. This is how teenagers view their parents. We don't have any 'abnormal' problems. :icon_wink) I just have all this emotion penned up inside me, and I don't feel like there is anywhere to release it. :dry: Any Suggestions?
So you're 18... what happens next? Are you graduating this year? Are you staying in this town? Are you going to college? Are you considering moving to get a job elsewhere? Your circumstances will dictate what opportunities are available to you. But the idea remains the same; consider this an opportunity to put yourself into new situations and to make new friendships. Trust me, you will be able to move on and it will be for the better!
i know the feeling. i tend to enjoy my own company a lot. it's not that people hate me (i mean god i hope not lol), but no one calls or texts on a regular basis, so it's hard to hang out with all that many people except my very best friends that actually don't live in the same city anymore. you see all these people that have a thousand good friends, and it's not because people like them more..it's just that they make themselves easily available to talk to. and that doesnt mean they will answer their phone if they get a call, it means they will be the one to make the call in the first place. scary notion, i know, but i think stuff like that is vital. start talking to strangers, call acquaintances to hang out; so they aren't your "friend" now, there's only one way to change that. i don't know for sure if this is your issue, but it's been mine for the longest time, and what i recently noticed is that it's completely ridiculous to be afraid of making that call or whatever. i mean, what are they going to do? shoot lasers out of their eyes at you? people like attention. odds are, they're sitting there wishing they had the courage to ask someone to hang out too.
I'd say don't leave them behind necessarily. But don't focus your attention there. Don't spend your days waiting by the phone. (Which is a phrase which apparently has now fallen off the face of the earth, since we all have cell phones, and wherever we are is by the phone. Anyway.) If you haven't been able to find a job, here's another tactic to try - volunteer. Yeah, you don't get a paycheck. But it'll give you a reason to get out of the house, it'll give your week a bit of structure, and you'll feel good about doing something positive. And volunteering will instantly expand your social circle, too. So give some thought about where you might want to volunteer. An animal shelter? Helping tutor some summer school students in a subject you're good at? Do a google search for "volunteer (your city)" and see what you come up with. Lex
All the time. I've always been a loner, and not always by choice. I live alone, I eat most of my meals alone. People like me I'm told I'm fun to be around, but I can never seem to get a boyfriend and I guess I'm good in doses, but people get tired of me. I have my cat to sleep with at night, but sometime I wish I had someone a little sexier to snuggle with, and you thought you were pathetic? please.
At least you have someone to snuggle. I can't even get a cat. My dad and sister are allergic. I'd be dead the moment I stepped throught the door if i brought a cat home. So, bassically, I consider having the cat to snuggle with better than my position.
