Hey Guys, I used to come on here a lot but ive been crazy busy with school work and life in general, but i guess we can consider this my return. My best friend and I found ourselves growing apart last year when he started dating this girl who i had set him up with. We would all hang out together, but who likes being a third wheel? so i just let them do their own thing and expected that he would eventually realize that he was basically excluding me from anything in his life. What i realize now, however, is that i think i was just jealous of his girlfriend and creating this whole scenario in my head. Well, that's the background story, here is where it gets messy... About 3 months ago they broke up while i was away at school (not in the same country) When i got back last week we went out to dinner, had a few drinks, it seemed like everything had gone back to the way it used to be or even better. About an hour into dinner, he decides to tell me that he's gay. :eek: He has known i am gay for a few years now and it was pretty cool having him tell me that he is, but now those feelings are resurfacing and i don't know what to do. i truly do love him as my best friend, but im not sure if there are more feelings than just those that i am trying to hide just to preserve our friendship... Do i tell him how i feel, or keep my mouth shut and see how things turn out? thanks :icon_redf
I'd say tell him yhow you feel. Carefully. And with full disclosure. Something along these lines: "I was kind of stunned when you told me you were gay. Because to be honest, I had started getting some feelings for you awhile back. I spent some time working on getting on top of those feelings, and I was actually kind of happy when you started dating (girl) because it helped me sort of move away from that. But now that you've told me you're gay, I guess I'd better know if you want to keep everything on the friendship level." Lex
I'm in agreement with Lex on this one. Tell him how you feel. Otherwise you might some day regret not knowing "what might have been."
Yeah i agree with u guys, i just don't want to take the chance of ruining our friendship this is tough
Allow me to be ultra cliché: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Friends come around often. Love (the romantic kind) doesn't.
And that's a very valid concern. And one you should bring up. "I value our friendship, and I'm worried about making things weird if we move in another direction." Lex
Well is he interested in you? I mean just because he's gay doesn't mean he's into you. And if he is and wants to pursue something more serious, tell him how you feel, but don't back yourself into a corner because your mind might change after you start spending moe time with him now that youre home from school... Or maybe youre too far away to pursue anything even if you were interested...
so, i put this off since, like previously mentioned, i didn't know if he was interested in me. On saturday night we were laying on the beach at about 1am all alone. We were talking about how hard it was coming out and how grateful we were to have each other as friends etc. then we laid down looking up at the stars and he moved towards me and put his head on my chest. He started crying and we kept talking about more personal stuff and then all of a sudden he leaned in to kiss me. We hooked up on the beach for about two hours stopping in between to keep talking. It was the most amazing night of my life but when i think about it i cannot even remember a lot of the hook up but rather what he said to me. He pulled away at one point and looked at me, smiled, and said 'nothing feels wrong right now.' The next morning, he woke up with a hickie and I with sand in my pants pockets. We spoke about it and, since he's kinda hooking up with someone, i told him that what happened on the beach should stay on the beach. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid me! Now, all i can think about is how much i want to be with him! We are going to be alone again on saturday all day on my boat so i am planning on bringing up the fact that there has to be reasons behind why we hooked up last weekend. I would rather be rejected than have to live another day thinking about how much i love him and him not knowing. Do you agree that there has to be some reason behind our first hook up? Am i silly for pursuing this and potentially hurting the amazing relationship we have now??? ahhhh sometimes i wish i were asexual... like Clay Aiken...
I agree that there is a reason behind your first hook-up. I think you should ask what last weekend meant somehow. I totally understand though about how awful it is to wait another day not know. But I think if you have been good friends this long, you should be able to be honest to eachother about how you feel.
Why, just why? Are you afraid he will reciprocate the feelings? Are you afraid of rejection? What you said could constitute a rejection, which leads me to believe you were subconsciously rejecting him so that you couldn't be rejected. Self-sabotaging, much?
rejection isn't what worries me. he is the closest person in my life and losing him as a friend and what we have now would be absolutely terrible! and the main reason I told him that was because he is under a lot of stress right now and I didn't want to add to it. It was more of a concentual hold rather than complete halt to anything in the future. I keep convincing myself that we hooked up out of lust, but then I've never had feelings like these... I'm going to talk to him again and try to see why he thinks we hooked up on Saturday night, I'm just worried that in fear of hurting the guy he's been hooking up with now, he wouldn't be able to get together with me again or at least until the other guy is out of the picture
Hi there! If you don't fear rejection, and if you have feelings for him and given that Saturday evening was a confirmation for you in terms of his feelings for you, I think telling him about how you feel would only be fair to the both of you. Him kissing you and letting you know "nothing feels wrong now", is pretty much the clearest sign that you will ever get. I doubt he would have done that if he wouldn't have feelings for you. As Lex mentioned in an earlier post, the worry of losing a close friendship is a valid concern and it is something you should and need to talk to him, in conjunction with how you feel about him, as well. I think telling him "this is how I feel about you, and I worry that this could harm our friendship, but I needed you to know this..." (or something along these lines) would allow the both of you to have it at least in the open and acknowledge that your feels for each other are perhaps a bit deeper, which isn't a bad thing. In fact, it could provide for some stress relieve for the both of you. Being honest with him is far better than trying to hide your true feelings for him. Although he is hooking up with the other guy at the moment, you could still talk with him, and also mention the fact that he is seeing someone else. It makes it a bit more complicated but the fact that you two spend an evening at the beach just this past Saturday makes me wonder as to how serious his hookup with the other guy actually is. That said, if you feel more comfortable with waiting a bit and seeing where or how his relationship with the other guy goes, and waiting for some clues from him, that would perfectly alright as well. Give it some thought. (*hug*)
sooooooo, plans changed. after work today we were talking about what time we'll leave on saturday (my boat is 2 hours away) and we decided that instead of driving there and back in the same day, we would just stay in my house by my boat (alone) for the night and drive back on sunday morning. I think this will be a perfect opportunity to discuss where the lines have been drawn and where we stand on the spectrum of hooking up or having something more. And, Mirko-- his hook up isnt that serious with the other guy. My friend only came out a few months ago and i think he is only hooking up with this guy because he's confused... but then again i have a biased opinion on the whole matter lol thanks guys hopefully i'll grow the balls to realize that this topic won't ruin our friendship... i should have known that since the beginning, but i guess just the prospect of losing him was too much to allow me to think clearly.
