About one year ago I met this really cute and very intelligent girl I have never met before when I was in the US on very last day of the school before the summer. And we exchanged many emails over the summer and went to the date after school began. And after few more dates she asked "that" and we became lovers. But just after that I found out that I have to move back to Japan within 4 month and even we knew it won't be easy but we decided to give a try(a long distance love affair) since we were not like other typical high school bf/gf type. And it has been working out well...not too great I have to say but it's ok but I love this girl so much. But lately I feel that I'm no longer attached to girls. Or I am but prefer guys more than ever. And I feel this guilt for being attached to guys more than girls and not telling her about it. Like she is so sweet and kind to me all the time but I'm lying to her and faking the truth and betraying her. I just can't take it anymore. And every time I tried to tell her she is like "You can tell me anything I could ever hate you" and that only makes my feeling of guilt worse. Like I'm blemishing this sweet girl. And I know she totally deserve far more than me but I don't wanna lose her. And I know it's my self-will but I want to tell her that I'm bi or gay without hurt her feelings and back to friends. Any advice is appreciated. And do you think it will be less hurtful for her to broke up first and come out to her or tell her the truth and let her decide whether break up or not? I know I'm so fucked up. Please help me.
One thing I can say is now that you are far away from the girl, it can be easier to tell. I mean through messages and letters, it wont take you as much strength as to talk face to face I think you should tell her the truth, and then let her decide waht will happen , but dont let her decide it all, you have to also jump in since you dont want to lose her. We understand that this will break her down, but you have to let her understand that things are always chnaging in teh universe, and you can not wish for anything, you cant make them stay the same, somehow if she understand that, she still be your friend, and if she is your true friend/lover,etc, she will stay with you, be your friend forever, dosent matter who you are and how you change But if you come out to her as bisexual, there will bve moer chnace that she still likes you Tell her you love her so much, and feel sorry because this happen, but you both cant blame no one for this, it's no one's fault. You have to get over this, dont fell guilty for being gay, the reason you didnt tell her at first was just you were not brave enough, not that you are a liar or something. Keep exchange letters, and things will be alright This also happen to me when a guy tolkd me that he is straight, and at 1st I was shocked, broken down and upset, but now we are still best friends I wish you luck Kim, thinsg'll be alright
Well, this can be a hard situation, but be happy you werent in a very serious relationship or marriage. Anyway, I (not that my opinion is right) think you owe her the truth. Just because you come out, doesnt mean youhave to end your relationship, it will just be on a different level. Many great friendships come out of relationships, where one of the people come out. Just a heads up (and I think Spiky Spice said this) but if you come out as Bi, she may still be attracted you in a different way then she will if you come out as gay. Anyway, Good Luck Kimi!
Thanks you guys!! I think I'm gonna tell her that I'm bi and attract to guys more lately. And let her decide what to do. I know she is cool about gay because she has a gay friend and she thinks her step brother might be gay so I'm not too worry about whole coming out to her but since we are dating now she might react in different way and that's what I'm worry about. But I think I'm ready for this. Again thanks you guys
Say it in the nicest way possible. A friend of mine was in the same position he was gay but in love with a girl but wudnt be attarcted sexually just loved her for her so i guess thats what ur in. Just dont hurt her
Good luck... Sometimes things work out in strange ways but there are people here who will support you because we know that life can be rough.
