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Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imagination.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GoinStag, May 28, 2010.

  1. GoinStag

    In Loving Memory

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    So I might as well get right into it.I have a lot to write, but please, I seriously need some support/advice.Please don't doubt anything I'm putting down.I probably wouldn't believe some of this stuff either, that's why I'm posting this...

    Here is an introduction type thing so You can understand where I'm coming from.I go to a small catholic/private high school, but it also has an elementary school, which is attached by the gym.Last year, our high school principle took on the job as the elementary school principle as well, so he has been merging some things with the two schools.Well I've been suffering from depression since I was 13 (Actual real depression.Doctor had me put on anti-depressants), so I had been getting into trouble at school.Now to get into the actual "story" if You want to call it that.

    Now to get into what's going on.This takes place starting last year.I was in after school detention in the library when my principle came in screaming and cussing at me (he was an ex-drill sargent, seriously) 'cause I was misbehaving in Spanish class. Well, after yelling for a few minutes he left the library.About 5 minutes later a younger guy walked into the library looking at me and said "woah, what was that" and we both had a little laugh over it. As soon as he left the room I knew for a fact that I was starting to develop a crush on him, so I knew I was in for some emotional pain. Well it turns out he was the 3rd grade teacher and he was only 22 at the time (23 now).But I'm usually into guys like in their 30's.Weird. Well I ended up with failing grades and continuously bad conduct, so after getting suspended twice (not bragging), I get after school detention in the principle's office 'till 4:00 for the last quarter. I'd see him walk past the door and every time, he would glance at me and keep going.After probably 2 weeks of this, he finally came in the office and started talking with me.We started talking about school and stuff and he told me about how he just bought a house, y'know, just normal stuff.But he introduced himself to me as John (his first name).He has all the other students call him "Mr.[Last Name]".The whole time, he was leaning in and smiling and looking me directly in the eye. For some reason I was able to look him in the eye back and it didn't feel weird.He gave me encouragement to do better and as he was walking out of the office he said "Y'know, if You ever need anything You can stop by my room after school or whatever".I know, unreal. I would wait with my friends by the elementary school exit, 'cause they had younger siblings to pick up + he would be there so I could get a glance at him (I know, pathetic).Thing is, he would stand really close to me, and purposely find reasons walk back and forth in front of me.I noticed this and after a few weeks, one of my friends was like "ohh Gabe I think someone's crushin' on You" (he had left already so he didn't hear)" we all laughed but I was thinking "wow, someone else notices?".After school one time, he saw me waiting for my ride and said "You need a ride man?" and almost giggling (not in a girly way lol) and stumbling over my words, I said something along the lines of "oh my Dad's picking me up thanks though".

    So the crush continued on to this year.I had to redo 9th grade.I failed most of my classes.Well for the whole year, basically every time my Dad would pick me up at the same time this teacher would be leaving school, the teacher would smile at me, which would of course ruin my day.He would (and still does) come into the class that I'm in to borrow something.He's an elementary school teacher and he'd be coming into the high school to borrow basic stuff like staplers. About a month ago, I wasn't feeling well so I was in the secretary's office sitting in a chair. He came in to pick up some papers or something and when he saw me, he aid "You alright" I said "Yeah I'm just not feeling 100% I'm cool though".In the most sweet and caring voice he said "are You sure?" I said "yeah thanks" slightly smiling he said "okay" smiling at me and walked out.After that he stopped in the office 3 more times (I counted) and even the secretary said "Jeez, John got a lot of extra trips to make today huh?".She even noted that he was in there more than usual.

    So now we're at yesterday.Yesterday was field day at school.The high schoolers ran the little station thingys for the elementary students. When I was walking past this teacher, he looked at me for a sec and said "what's up Gabe" I of course said hi back.I didn't even know that he knew my name but I was soooooooooo happy he did. At field day which was at the park, a lot of people brought water balloons and were throwing them at each other just for fun. Well when I was sitting at a picnic table I felt a splash at my feet.He had thrown a water balloon at me and when I turned around he was giving me a big smile and I swear on my life he winked at me I'm dead serious.

    I know when You get a crush on a straight guy (as far as You know it) You look for the smallest little thing and look at it as evidence that he's gay/bi or whatever, but some of this stuff is just a little too obvious to over exaggerate and yes, as much as I would love for things to happen with us if he really did like me, I am aware that it could cost him his career if anybody found out.I just need some support. Does any of this sound to You like he's flirting or likes me back? I mean this can't just be my imagination right???
     
  2. hairdye

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    well, i'm not there, so i can't really give an opinion on everything happening. but i understand how you feel, i've been there. it's not easy.

    however, i can tell you this
    - you'd be doing him a favor if you push it to the side. because if he does have any feelings for you, you'd be making it a lot easier on him to tell him no. otherwise yes, he could lose his job.
    - sometimes i remember certain teachers being this way twoard students their simply fond of. like my high school government teacher and drama teachers. both gay. both especially fond of all the gay students. mostly cause they see themselves a little.
    - maybe he's just realizing he'd rather teach highschool and his sick and tired of the 3rd great brats.

    k, i just woke up, thats all i got.
     
  3. dude99

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    Hi and welcome to ec.

    Anyway it appears that he is just teasing you with the wink. Anyway I would be wary of this and dont keep your hopes up too much. Besides you are only a minor and he is in his 20s and any sexual conduct would be illegal and this action could result him in going to jail. If I were you I would try to much more focus on getting better grades in school as you stated you had to repeat the grade.

    Anyway why dont you try to find guys around your age? Find and go to a gay youth group in your area.
     
  4. InaRut

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    Well...To respond to Dude99...Sometimes fate would have us going for older guys. I know a good amount of my crushes over the years have been for people in their late 20s (pushing 30?). That's just me though. And I'm 20, so it's much more legal for me. Haha!

    Still, just so I don't sound like a big jerk (And it should be known I was only kidding!), I do agree that joining a gay youth group could help!

    Also, I find that in most cases, the kids who are having a difficult time in school, are the kids that teachers try to build relationships with. Maybe he heard about you not doing to well in school, or sees you waiting after school for your dad (Which could lead to a variety of darker possibilties), and he just sees a kkid that he has the opportunity to help out. Which is a good thing. There's nothing wrong with a positive relationship with a teacher (as long as it's a friendship). It can help you do better in school, and also gives you a non-biased person to talk to. I've dealt with teachers who seem flirty in the past (Not-to mention Horomonical inbalances make it SO MUCH harder to disregard them), but really their intentions are much more scholarly based I'm sure.
     
  5. Beachboi92

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    as mentioned above i think it is probably more of a teacher taking an interest in a student because he wants to help you. Being 23 he is a lot closer to your age group and can relate a lot easier so he has little trouble forming connections with students similar to friendships he had in high school. However if he is really into you i'd say it is not something that would be safe to allow to happen, he could lose his job, or even be arrested for THAT kind of relationship with a student. Even if there is a hint of THAT kind of relationship there can be major issues (happened at my school). I mean if he wasn't your teacher i'd say its iffy but whatever makes you happy, but in the best interest of you and him i'd say keep it to purely as a teacher student, mentor thing. That could be incredibly beneficial to you and it is probably what it is anyways.

    Although i am curious if he is openly gay, knows your gay, how much older he is an things like that as it could make it all a little clearer and easier to understand.
     
  6. Rawrs92

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio


    PLZ PLZ PLZ LISTEN TO MY ADVICE!!!!!

    I have been in the exact situation... These things are acts of kindness not interest... trust me. When you develope a crush on someone, specifically your teacher, you see things that you WANT to see. I know how hard it is to get over, but it cant never be anything more than just a crush.
     
  7. ahhthehorror

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    @Rawrs92
    ...Different people, different situations. Your experiences will always be different to others'. ¬¬

    That said...
    My English teacher is a bit like that towards me. I doubt he likes me in that way, but yeah. Some people are just friendly.
    I say you be straight with him. Metaphorically speaking, of course. ;]
     
  8. dude99

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    well intarut
    When I was a kid I remember having a crush apon a teacher, yet fantasys are just fantasys. Its much safer keeping it that way instead of making it a reality and besides it be too dangerous and illegal.

    I do agree with other replies here that he is more likely to being acting in kindness than something more intimate.
     
  9. GoinStag

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    I understand that 100% and I wouldn't have posted this if I didn't realize that but one of the biggest things like when we were talking and he was leaning in smiling, and looking me directly in the eye + the winking at me just seemed too much to be "acts of kindness".While You are probably right, that he doesn't feel that way, I don't think those 2 things at least, are things someone does as an "act of kindness".You do make a good point though.
     
  10. Revan

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    I think the biggest thing you need to remember is he is a teacher, and if you two got together this could mean a lot of trouble. Plus you're 16 and he's 22, it'd technically be illegal if you were to have sex. So just push it to the side and work on getting your marks up.
     
  11. Maddy

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    I do agree with the other posters that it seems, from an outsider's perspective, that he's trying to be friendly and supportive rather than anything else. It's really easy to see what you want to see - how often do you see gay guys saying "well, this guy has a girlfriend and says he's straight, but he looks at me and I just get this feeling that he isn't..."? It seems to me that he's just a nice guy who's realised that you need a bit of support. It also doesn't matter if he's attracted to you or not, because if he's your teacher, nothing can happen. If he makes a move on you, he'd be risking his career. It's just not worth it.
     
  12. pteen

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    well from what i read it could be or he could just be one of those really cool teachers. Because i know that at least in my school teachers might not offer a ride but they are always trying to establish a positive relationship with the students that they believe have a lot of potential.
    And this is just me, but considering your in a religious school he could just be doing the christianly thing.

    But on the other hand like i said before he might actually like you.
    but whatev the case Good Luck!:thumbsup:
     
  13. Rawrs92

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    Trust me, winking is not enough evidence. From experience, locked gazes, winking, etc. can mean multiple things... Always look at it from their point of view.. HOWEVER, there is always a possibility, in 2 years if you still have these same feelings feel free to hit him up i guess. But for the time being you can only be friends..
     
  14. GoinStag

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    I see your point but I don't think it's one of those "This troubled student could do great things" type cases.I'm the farthest from the worst there.Ever since the previous principle, the school has gone down the drain like you wouldn't believe.There is absolutely 0% discipline.There are tons of pregnant girls and a shit load of people are on probation.It's not a normal private/catholic school at all. As for "doing the religious thing", he is obviously not religious. In church when everyone is kneeling, he is slouched over sitting and sometimes looking at me.I forgot to mention that.He doesn't stare but he turns and I know he catches a glance of me because I always look at him when he's turning to double check that he's looking at me.Which he is. He also admitted to not being catholic.
    Yeah I totally get what you mean. I wouldn't want to be his "friend" either way though. But you're right. I feel so stupid. I just want it to be summer so I can be away from him lol this sucks :frowning2:
     
  15. someguy82

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    Teacher's wink and smile at student's they like (I've had it happen plenty of times). Not to be a dick, but you shouldn't read anything into it.
     
  16. GoinStag

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    I'd rather you be an honest dick than a lying asshole lol

    But seriously it kinda sucks to hear that but you're right.I hope I can find someone someday. This really,really,really sucks right now shit :confused:
     
  17. TroubledRyan

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    aww I'm sorry...but like the 20 peeps above me said...it honestly is best to not go for this,even if he does like you,intil you are at least 18...his career is far to important to be ruined by somthing so siley
     
  18. GoinStag

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    Re: Crush On Teacher, But He Might Be Crushing Back.Seriously, Not Just My Imaginatio

    Thank you.I would never go for it though lol even if I was 99.9% he liked me.If I was that 00.1% wrong, I'd have a lot of explaining to do lol. Although I am mature (my psych agrees lol) I also see that socially we wouldn't be compatible either way. Thanks. Everyone's advice really is helping me out. Probably 'cause it's from people around my age. For just a few days on this forum, You guys are really helping me come to terms with this crush that I've had for like 2 years. I know it's not gonna be easy to get over this but thank you again to every one :slight_smile: