This post might will get long-ish like how all my other threads are so once again, my apologies in advance. The first part is a long rant while the second is a question on how I can push myself over this hill to come out. I'll bold the start of that paragraph for any that might not want to read my long-winded wall of text . Lately my mom, her bf, and even my little brother have been becoming unbearable. I'm about ready to snap and just seriously knock out her bf because of everything he's been saying. There's also the fact that I'm about 99% ready to come out. I just need something to finally drive me to do it. My mom's been lately just been being more and more of an ass to me. For anyone who hasn't seen my other threads a brief summary of how we get along would be the less time we're around each other, the better off we are at having some tolerance for each other. I'm now at my limits again and pretty soon I'll snap. She's constantly been yelling and cursing at me for no reason just about all this week.The latest of this was just a few minutes ago since we're moving today out of the hotel we've been staying in about 2 months. She kept me home from school today since although we get along the worse between her and my two brothers, I'm also the person she depends on for damn near everything so she wants me moving most of the stuff. All I did was simply tell her what I always do the day we move ever since I was 12 which is, "If you want me moving this stuff you already know I won't work on an empty stomach. Once I have some sort of food to eat and a soda I'll be ready to start working." She responded to that by saying, "Will you shut the f*ck up already?" I hadn't done or said anything at all to receive that response and it's been happening far too often to just dismiss. Last time we moved she had this same attitude that day and it didn't end well at all. On top of this she's been being a complete ass somewhat by asking me "How come you look so bored?" and "Why are you staring at the ceiling?" since she and her bf broke my DS by throwing juice and water all over it on my birthday and when I reply with "Well I don't have a DS anymore and that's all I had to keep me occupied" she throws a b*tchfit and says some cursing remark about it. Now for her bf. He's getting a little too comfortable and happy that's she's having a baby any day now this week or next week since she just hit 9 months and now he's trying to play a father type role with my bro and me. I doubt my little brother cares at all but it completely annoys me to death. Like for example they have a dog and bought it long before I had to move in with them. I've told him before that due to how they like to run things between them, I'm not taking part of my time to take the dog outside and wait for her to do her business. Yet almost every time he comes in after being out for a few hours he asks me, "Did you take Cynamine out to use it?" I either reply with an eyeroll or simply "Nope" in an annoyed tone. Then he goes and asks my mom after a few times of getting that response, "Why don't you ever have WynDell take out the dog?" She ignored the question completely so he dropped it but still asks me if I've taken out the dog every day and it's driving me insane. I know this dude is already seriously a little slow up there (he truly is) but damn do I have to scream it in his face or something? There's also been the dramatic increase in gay slurs and comments from him. About a week or two ago I was dead tired that night and didn't get up to lock my phone. When I woke up the next morning I noticed I didn't lock it and that someone had been snooping around on my phone. I had been on EC so I I'm guessing he looked around the home page. It seems that around ever since then he's been letting out quite a bit of comments about gay people. I'm guessing it was him since I've noticed that now when he goes to change clothes he goes near the sink and opens the bathroom door to stand behind it so I can't see him. Funny since I would never have any feelings for him at all, he's old enough to be my mom's father and he lies far too much along with my mom only being with him for his money. Or rather the money he made her believe he had. Coming out part below There's also the rising feeling again of wanting to come out and this time it's becoming a lot harder to ignore. I'm at the point now where I don't care if my mom or anyone else finds out. It's just I'm now stuck at exactly how to come out. I've come so close to just blurting it out at moments that I could hear and picture the whole scene in my head. Some of that's almost been due to her bf making so many rude comments about gays that I've wanted to snap back and say, "Well guess what? I'm gay! You're about as far from the truth as I am from dating a girl." Last night we were all laying on our beds watching tv together and I felt it would be a perfect moment to say it since everyone was calm, not happy but still a somewhat above neutral mood, and I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I've thought over two possible moments of telling her that would work out pretty good but the waiting period is driving me crazy. I don't care if my mom accepts it or rejects it at all so I can't figure out what the heck is wrong with my mind and holding me back. I'm more than confident that I'm not straight and though I'm a little stuck between gay and bi I'm positive that I want to go through with this but it has to be through a conversation. Leaving a letter or email would surely cause problems from how ignorant my mom can be. I consider myself bi but that's only due to the part of me that remotely likes very few girls (so far there's only been 3 girls I could barely imagine myself being with, two of which are tv stars in like their mid/late twenties and the other is a girl I met online and got pretty close to). I think that's due to my upbringing around homophobics and my brain not wanting to process that I am the one thing that they hate. The only thing I can think of to describe how I feel and really want to come out is sorta like jumping into a big cold pool on a boiling summer day. I know it's going to be refreshing once I'm in but I'm always nervous to do it myself unless someone pushes me in. I know if I could bring myself to just say, "Ok there's something on my mind that I have to tell you" then I'd be able to go through with it, similar to that push into the pool, but it feels so hard to speak those words when normally I'm so blunt about things that I sometimes get weird looks from others. I'm 17 now and I know for sure I want this out and done for before summer starts. Anyone have any ideas on how I can push myself to just finally get this over with?
Just Bite the bullet and go for it, rehearse in your head what you want to say that sit your mum down with nobody around and tell her there and then but work it in to a general normal conversion and come out but try and working in so she slowly know were your going with it and then come out this will soften the blow because the confersaion would of gave here a warning so she can brace her self but make long ish and work out want your going to say before saying it. If you need help i can write you a ruff guide or example to come out with.
Verbal abuse is no laughing matter. I know you're 17 but I think this is starting to get to the point where you might have to report your parents. I'm sorry but verbal abuse of a child is absolutely ridiculous.
Verbal abuse? Her saying what she did was one of the nicest ways she knows how to speak. It could have been far worse. Also, the police out here don't care. They let her curse at me like I was a dog and threaten to kick my ass and on top of that said if I were their kid they'd have been kicked my ass. I've stopped going to authorities a long time ago. They're useless. Now I'm like 90% sure this is the night I'm going to come out. She just invited over my aunt and my aunt's bf for no reason and she knows that I get along worse with them than I do with her. I know there's more than likely going to be an argument between us but even if there isn't I'm going to bring it up to her when they leave. My aunt's bf threatened to kill me the next time he saw me yet she just called them over as if it were no big deal knowing that I live with her now. The cursing at me I can deal with but I feel this is a slap in the face. Let's just hope this at least goes partially well.
Figures something would go wrog. I was finally over that hill and ready to come out and had the whole talk (or most of it) planned out. Now my mom's friend is spending the night and sleeping in the living room which is where I planned on talking to my mom since her bf isn't gonna leave out their room and didn't want anyone around when I finally said everything. At least now the whole lump-n-my-throat feeling is done away with for the most part so now it's just a matter of getting in this same state of mind tomorrow and then pulling her aside and telling her. My apologies for the double post for ranting as well. Also, thanks everyone for helping me finally find my courage to come out of this closet. I love you all (&&&).
