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Need to shout (LOUDLY)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gaz83, May 28, 2010.

  1. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    aarrrrgh. i seriously need to let it all out there at some point. i have just had a nice nite with a few people round, having a drink and a laugh like normal. then when most people leave my sister brings up the subject of homosexuality again. she keeps banging on that it isnt really a choice we should be making because its totally wrong. i soo wanted to slap her hard for that. i have a feeling she wont be able to deal with me when i soon decide to tell all. and that day i feel gets closer and closer. i was sitting there fuming inside and was just about to get up and walk out but then that might have caused suspicion and tonite isnt best time for that.

    i actually reckon tomoro nite is the nite i tell my best friend. she is happily seeing some guy that sounds really nice and good for her and im now thinkin about myself again. im still chattin away to people on my dating thing but obv its too early to say i have met someone yet. there is one guy that im kinda hoping maybe something good will come of but its very early days. i thought that about someone else too and that was going nowhere. do you think i think of things too fast?

    but im still ragin at my sister. she really has annoyed me again. i never thoughtshe was this homophobic. i knew people in my family were against it but i at least would have thought she would be more openminded.
     
  2. csm123

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    hi Gaz 83
    Does your sister have her "suspicions" about you being gay?
    When you decide to tell her,would it be an idea to say you have waited till 26 so as not to come out to earlyand to be sure your feelings are not going to change.Also be sure to say this is not a choice as no one would choose to be subject to homophobic comments from close minded people ESPECIALLY CLOSE FAMILY.
    You could also ask what age she knew who she liked,and more to the point,did she have a choice in the matter!
    With all that said,most people accept it better when your thier family and not just xxxx from down the road.Someone close coming out can very easily change a persons view of the "whole gay thing" as they begin to understand being gay is not your choice and is just a small part of you they didnt know before.
    All the best in coming out,but dont let your sister have any influence over how and when you decide it will be best for YOU.
     
  3. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    em no my sister has no clue. she is stuck in her own wee world.
     
  4. malachite

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    like most people, the only cure ignorance is knowledge.
    How many gay people does your sister know?
    If the answer is none then maybe once she knows your gay and comes to terms with it her attitude will change.
     
  5. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    she doesnt know anyone thats gay. you are maybe right. i thik tho i will be testing the waters with other people first.
     
  6. Filip

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    Some people really do change when their own little world is broken open. My brother occasionally made homophobic comments or jokes that were slightly (or more than slightly) inappropriate, but after I told him, he completely let all of that go and became very supportive.
    So there are odds that she just didn’t think about it too much, not knowing any gays. Also, as sad as it is, making homophobic coments in a (presumed) gay-free environment seems to be almost like a bonding mechanism (“us heteros against the outside world!”)
    If you shock her out of that, she might reconsider her position.
    However, it also helps to be out to other friends in that group, to have a nice base of people who support you and can show that if she decides to keep acting homophobic. Coming out to your best friend seems like the perfect plan, really. Every person who knows and who you can talk to about it helps.

    About that dating site you mention: You know you’re on there to date, they know they’re on there to date. So I don’t think that it’s wrong to wonder about where things will go with guys you meet on there. Just do what feels natural, and keep the flow of conversation going. And if things don't work out, then they clearly weren't meant to be!
     
  7. titaniumCloset

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    Lots of people change when they finally realize someone they love is gay. My very good friend used to be pretty homophobic, would say anti-gay things and voted to ban gay marriage in California. When I told him I was gay, he was 110% supportive, like more than anyone I ever told and apologized for the anti-gay things he said and for voting to ban gay marriage...he said if he could do it again he'd vote for equal rights.
     
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Just a thought but have you ever challenged her view on it? Not as a gay man, but simply as someone that is supportive of gays. Just let her know where you stand. If she says "you must be gay for defending them" then give show her how ignorant that statement is with other examples. The point is not to change her mind, but to at least tell her that is not ok to say that around you and that if she does then she better expect hell.
     
  9. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    well she knows i always defend gay people. i am very open minded. the most in my family i say.