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i think my mum thinks im gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by darkcheesse, May 29, 2010.

  1. darkcheesse

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    im not really sure though like the convosation we had the other day when she said she din't mind if i was gay. also my sister asked me as well last week after one of my friends who is gay stayed over at my house, i think she might have suspiscons after the incident a few years a go when she caught looking at gay porn. i havnt had the courage tell either of them yet, with my sister im just really annoyed with her at the moment and with my mom we haven't been close since my intervention a year ago. yes i was a naughty boy and touched drugs i still do alot more though. im kinda rambeling here the point is i want to tell them i just feel like i can't.
     
  2. titaniumCloset

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    Just from a 3rd person perspective your sister and mom probably have been discussing it while you're not there. They probably both think you're gay after catching you with gay porn (kind of a big one), and then having a gay friend sleep over, and also probably just possibly from knowing you as well. Your mom even said she doesn't care - that is her with her arms wide open ready to accept you for who you are. You just need to hug her back. :slight_smile: Sounds like you'll be fine. Good luck!
     
  3. InaRut

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    I say confirm the supiscion. I can only imagine your mom acting this way because she wants you to be happy.
     
  4. darkcheesse

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    well i dont know how my dad will feel about it and ive already been outed once i crushed the rumor. i worried that it one of them might let it slip. i struggle to tell people most the people ive told ive been sort of forced to by a friend. he dose it because he knows i want to tell people i just tend to chicken out alot.
     
  5. ThePug

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    Talk to your mom privately and ask her how she feels as though your dad will react. If she fears his reaction, ask her to keep it between you and her. :slight_smile:!
     
  6. darkcheesse

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    although i may be worring over nothing as she left my dad a while back they still talk alot they dont seems to hate each other. although my step dad dose act very homophobic i always want to confront him on it but i can never pluck up the courage.
     
  7. concklin

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    you're mom will definitely be fine with it. once you tell her you'll feel so much better and wonder why you were so hesitant. and tell her how you feel about your dad knowing. if she's gonna be accepting of you (it's obvious she will be) then she'll understand the issue with your father
     
  8. darkcheesse

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    i want to tell my mum but how to bring it up im not sure how also im not sure if now is the right time, when is the right time ? i can wait till for ever and a day due to my many years of procrastinating and a very big amount of patients. plus i rarly see here nowadays i spend most of my time away from home.
     
  9. TroubledRyan

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    Well clearly your mom would be accepting.
    also since your parent have seperated,if you tell her to keep it from him,I'm sure she would.
    for your step dad, well if you worry about him being homophobic then make it clear to your mom that you don't know if he should know, and that you don't want him to hate you for being you...I'm sure she will find a way to soften his heart for you :slight_smile:
    and she made it pretty clear any private time is a good time, I mean she practically knows,all she wants is comfimation...so just find a private time,maybe go on a little road trip with her...thats when I told my mom :slight_smile:
     
  10. Ashleigh Ann

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    I had the same issue with my dad. And my brother really. I'm not sure my dad doesn't know because my mom told him about my besty being gay when she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone about him and she promised that she wouldn't tell him about me.

    Anways, a friend of mine has a brother and father who are very homophobic. He came out to them and while they're still homophobic to a degree, they've gotten a lot better. They've changed because they love him. If you're close to your dad, I'm sure that everything will turn out fine. It may be a bit awkward for a short time, but it will probably be not bad in the end.
     
  11. settlingsound

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    Yeah, I get the impression they are wondering. Tell them when you're comfortable and in a safe environment. Also you'll know when to tell your mom, you'll just know =)
     
  12. Filip

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    Well, it definitely sounds like they might have their suspicions. Then again, I remember that when I was contemplating coming out to my family, it seems like they were hinting heavily all the time, while it turned out that they had no clue whatsoever. Apparently wanting to come out makes you see the things you want to see sometimes.
    In any case, your mom seems supportive enough, so regardless of how sure she is, coming out to her would be a good idea.

    The right time is whenever you start really wanting to come out to her. Putting up a thread about it here would indicate that the right time has come :icon_wink
    As for when precisely to do it: waiting for “the right moment” usually doesn’t work. Some moments are better than others, but if you’re just going to wait for it, you risk chickening out and missing the mark everytime. Perfect moments are something you can create, however. Pick a moment when you’re sure to be alone and undisturbed, like an afternoon where you’re both home, or in the car on your way to buy some groceries, or the like. If necessary, reschedule your usual agenda to come home for a day.
    And then, you ask “mom, can I talk to you about something?” If the answer is affirmative, then you could bring up about how she mentioned that she wouldn’t mind you being gay, and how glad you were about that, because you are, in fact, gay.
    Yes, for a slight moment there, it’s going to be slightly awkward, because it’s not something you tell everyday, but then she knows, and can ask the questions she wants to ask.

    It could be that you still fear chickening out at the last moment. That’s perfectly normal. However, you can do a few things to get some extra courage. Writing a letter helps in visualizing what you want to say to her/ Even if you’ll never use the letter, you’ll have thought the conversation out in advance. And if all else fails, you can still give her that letter and have her read it.
    Also, telling someone you’re out to already about your plans can help in giving a final push in the back. Once you told someone “I’m going to come out to my mom tomorrow”, it becomes much more concrete as well.

    While your mom might not want to keep it to herself forever, I’m sure that she can keep quiet for a bit while you work up the courage to tell your dad and/or stepdad. And telling them will be easier when you know she’ll be supporting you. She might have a few ideas herself about how to tell them. Coming out to more people is helped by using one coming-out as a stepping stone to the next, and your mom sounds like the ideal stepping stone in this case.