Totally Confused

1- You really shouldn't use this girl if you do like her as a 'friend'...this will only hurt your friendship inless you do actually like her in a way to where you could date her...but using her to keep up your disguise would just be wrong and very mean and unsensitive.

2- If he is your best friend, and is gay as well he won't have a problem with it,which I'm sure you have already figured out...so I'm gessing that you are worried that he might end up liking you if he knows that you are gay?So you just want to stay friends, right?...well thats simple...just because there are 2 gay guys doesn't mean they are automatically dating, gay guys can but 'just' friends, and he may feel that way towards you anyways. But to be safe as you tell him make it clear,in a very nice way, that you love being his friend, and make it clear that that's how you would like to keep it.

3-If your parent truely love you...they will not do that. You see, even if parent are homophobic, there love for there child tends to overcome that. If you really want to tell your mom, you can and just ask her to keep it a little secret intil you are ready to tell him (unfortunatly that can't last long...because they can't keep the secret forever).

 

I completely agree... it's one thing to date women when you are confused or don't really have a clue. It's another to do it when you know for certain you're misleading them. If you want to stay in the closet, that's a valid choice, but you need to avoid hurting other people if you're gonna do it.

I don't really get what the issue is--wouldn't he be the perfect person to tell?

I would be a bit more cautious than this. Sometimes parents can be really disappointing in this respect. Not always, maybe not even often, but sometimes. It's probably best to test the waters more than you have already before you settle on telling them. Either that or be prepared to support yourself financially just in case. It sucks but it's better to be prepared for the worst and then not have to actually deal with it than vice versa.

 

^That.

 

yep id agree with all this. i also think its unfair what ur doing to this girl but i understand why you are doing it. and the last bit about telling your folks is one you should be careful of. last thing you need is to be cut off completly. i would make sure that you have something to fall back on if you tell them.

 

It can be really hard to bring up the first time but since he's gay, you have a huge advantage--you can be pretty sure he's not going to freak out about it. In fact, he'll probably think it's quite cool. I would just say something like, "Hey we have something (else) in common... we're both into guys" or something equally casual. Or make some joke about how you're copying him because you're so unoriginal. *grin*

 

I didn't say he shouldn't be cautious about his parent,because your right,some's hatered for gays over power there love for there own child, but 'some', not many... If you know your parents truely love you,you are in a pretty good spot. on the other hand if you guys have an iffy relationship...I probly wouldn't tell them. (sorry for not mentioning that erlayer).

As for the guy...he would be the best person to tell, nd I said he would be. But if he starts to like jwent (which he said he didn't want), that can start to mess up there friendship,which is why i said to make it clear that you only like him as a friend, and thats all he might like you as, as well.

 

they might get hurt and need time to cope...but only you can make the desicion to tell them. We can tell you alot of stuff that 'can' happen,but you have to take the final act on wether you tell them or not. Good luck my friend

 

First of all, hi, and welcome to EC! And congrats on coming to terms with being gay and starting your coming-out!

You know, if you like hanging out this girl, you can just keep seeing her as a friend. You're not limited to the two extremes of "dating vs. not knowing her at all". Just make sure she's not having the wrong impression about your intentions.

Coming out to a gay friend is something that would seem to be easier than coming out to straight friends. However, I always found it slightly harder to do. Especially if they've been out for a while, telling you were gay all along too becomes slightly awkward. And yet, whenever I told any of my gay friends, they were totally supportive, and completely understood. It strengthened our friendship, rather than hurt it.
So, I wouldn't worry too much about how to tell it. Any time when you're alone, and unlikely to be undisturbed would be good for seizing the conversation. Just suddenly changing topic to coming-out is counter-intuitive, but conversation tends to flow easily enough afterwards.
Joeyconninck's idea of using a joke sounds like a good idea, but if you don't feel like doing that, just saying "you know, we have been good friends for a while now, and I do want to tell you something about myself that I haven't told anyone before: I'm gay too!" could work as well. When I came out to one of my gay friends, I never even got that far. After I told him I had to tell him something, he replied "I think I already have a pretty good idea of what you're going to tell me" :lol:

As for when to tell him: if you're going to keep in touch and seeing each other for more than just a few hours, over the summer could be a good idea. Basically, any time you could have a few hours to talk would be good. By the time school starts again, it will feel like you've both known it for ages. On the other hand, if you're barely going to talk, and are just going to quickly run into each other, it might be best to wait until after the summer.

As for your parents: I think that if they aren't extremely homophobic, the risks of them cutting you off are pretty small. They might not be entirely happy at first, but if they'll see you're still the same jwent09 they knew all along, they'll come to terms with it eventually. If you don't dare to risk it (and I wouldn't blame you for that, I only came out to my own mom after I secured my own finances), it might be best to hold off a bit more and come out to more friends first. If you have any siblings that might be accepting, it can be a big help to come out to those, because they're good to have your back when dealing with parents.

 

Well, I mean, if you want to hang out with her, then hang out with her. Whats stopping you? And about your best friend, as long as he doesn't have a crush on you or anything, then it should be ok to tell him. He will most likely understand what its like when your holding all of this in. The only way it could really ruin the friendship is if he likes you as more than a friend. And as for your parents, let it gradually slip into their minds. Don't say anything, or even do anything. Just keep being you. If they notice, then they notice. If they don't, then they don't. My grandparents found out by accident, and they weren't exactly ok with it, but they didn't understand. My grandmother gave me all these "safety precautions" about being gay. :|