I know i've posted about this a few times in the past, but here we go again. When I first started to work, my mom and I would have disagreements about money. As time went on, I was saving nothing, and since I could barely get any hours at work, all my money was spent on bills, room & board, groceries, etc, with 20-50 bucks for myself afterwards (and yes, I know I probably should have saved it, but I was 17 at this time.) Time goes by. I'm 21 now and the disagreements have turned into world wars. Not just about money, but about living at home, indecision about school, my weight, the list goes on. I have in the past tried the "Mom let's not talk about money/leave me alone about my weight, I'm still not sure what i want to do, etc." It works for a little while, then her frustration at me builds and builds, and then another all out war happens. Lately her boyfriend (who I absolutely hate) would constantly bring up the fact that he left home when he was 17, my mom would continue this conversation, and though at the time I thought nothing of it, until today when our most recent argument occured and she said "You need a full time job so you can get out of this house." I've been more than ready emotionally to get out for a long time, but I;ve never felt that I was financially stable enough to actually go through with it. So now I am actively looking for a full time job, and I clearly have no choice, my mom is a step away from kicking me to the curb [again]. She's gone back on this a few times, or going back and fourth between saying I can stay as long as I want, and that I need to get out on my own. I don't want to test her anymore, I'm deathly afraid of her kicking me out with nothing. I'm really freaked, and while actively looking for a job, I don't know how to start apartment searching. Should I start now? How much should I save before moving? How do I keep my moms temper at bay until I can get out? I feel so juvenile, a lot of people my age are out on their own, and I know its high time I do too, but I don't know where or how to begin (though ive been on craigslist and kijiji almost constantly for the past couple days.) Um, help?
I'm gonna take a crack at this. You're obviously depressed about a number of things, and it's bogging you down. People deal with depression differently, but the best I can tell you in this situation is set it aside for now and deal with it later. You make it sound as this could be your mother's final straw and it's either make it or break for you. Now would be the time to take action and stabilize things in your life with your own home and set of rules. Trust me, things become easier to deal with when on your own two feat. You can always figure out school later as well, there's no expiration date for you to go back to school. Perhaps you need to sit down with your mother and tell her this is it for you too, you're making a change and are on your way out. But you need time to save some money and find a decent place to live. Ask her for help finding an apartment, maybe if she's more involved with helping you move out she'll be less inclined to badger you about it. After all, every parent wants their child to do well and refusing to help you create a life of your own wouldn't make sense to me. She should see you're trying to be mature and would have a hard time arguing with the logic of being well prepared. Money is an issue I could write a book on, but it would certainly be wise to save up some before you do move out. In fact, I was often preached to the need not only for savings but what my parents referred to as "buffer cash", try to keep cash in the bank so that you could go a couple months with no income and still be ok. This way, if things get bumpy while you're getting your feet wet for the first time you have some space to breathe and correct it. This type of money management is not hard, it's kinda a skill you should start practicing now, and you'll get better as you do it. Heck, follow my previous advice and ask your mother for help here too. Ask her how she manages her money, what she saves, or even how she balances wants and needs. Again, a parent's entire purpose is to prepare and help you to become an adult of your own. Give her the chance to help you, and she'll take it. It may not always be fun or perfect for you, but she is your mother and at her heart she wants the best for you. So long as you prove to her you're gonna put more effort into it, this problem will go away faster then you think. Sorry to add more to an already long and convoluted post, but we're all human. It's never juvenile to need help, and re-reading your post again just makes it sound like you're avoiding your mothers help in some effort to prove you can do it. Maybe you can, but why not make it easier? We all must start somewhere, no shame in that.
have you considered flat sharing? that way costs are cut and you could make a new friend if you didnt move in with a friend already. obviously you would have to be earning money.
