telling nieces and nephew

On one hand, it's only natural for you to want the people you care about to know who you are. Kids really aren't dumb, I'm sure they have been presented with far more confusing things. So I just don't see it as harming them, if that's what you may be thinking. It's nothing bad so don't be concerned.

Then on my hand here, why is it necessary? Though I haven't spoken to him in some time, my gay uncle was always of the mindset that if straight people don't have to go around explaining themselves then why should gay people? He always felt it was more important I knew he cared about me, same as my other uncles.

I may not be making much sense, but I'm just trying to say I don't think it matters either way. They will figure it out eventually, and even if they do it later in life as long as they know you care I don't think "thats so gay" will be something you will need to concern yourself with.

 

well if you reckon they will understand what your telling them, it wont hurt them to know. if it was me i would do the same as you and just say no i aint interested in her. i couldnt tell my neice just now tho. shes 6 and i know for a fact she wouldnt understand. also her mum and dad would be horrified at the mention of liking anyone. she is very over protected i would say.

 

Then go for it, there really isn't a right or wrong here. Either way you sound like an awesome uncle and they are lucky to have you. Why should being gay change what appears to me as a positive relationship?

 

I would talk to their parents first, but think it'd be perfectly fine to tell them. As you said, kids are far smarter than they are given credit for. While the details about how two guys have sex are clearly inappropriate, that's not why telling them you're gay means. You just need to explain to them that it means you like guys instead of girls. Even at 5 and 6 kids know what "liking" someone means. They probably don't grasp the sex, commitment, or full emotional aspects of it, but they know the friendship and together parts. By that point they understand that you marry someone you like and it's kinda like being "extra best friends" as a kindergartner once told me.

As far as why is it necessary, I think the argument that straight people don't have to is flawed. Yes, straight people don't have to come out as straight. They don't and we do because it's assumed that all people are straight and at young ages kids aren't taught that there is anything else than straight, man likes woman, period. That's why explaining is important, and younger probably is better. There's so much opposition to teaching little kids about homosexuality because so many people just think of the sex part of it and as i said before that part is clearly inappropriate for little kids. But that's only half of it. The love/like part is perfectly fine. And honestly if we ever want to get rid of hatred, explaining to kids that it's normal and fine as early as possible before they learn hate is really the only way.

 

I'm not sure I was clear, or maybe I was I don't know. My parents never liked my uncle, yet he was always good to me. As I got older, it became a matter of "How is this bad when he's such an awesome person?".

I cannot honestly recall a single time my uncle has ever said "I'm gay" to me. Maybe I'm just in a weird family, but as far as kids are concerned just let them know you care and I think some of that love will rub off in ways you may not realize.

 

My girlfriend just had to explain who I was to her god-daughter who is only 5, and while she didn't totally get it, she got enough to understand the basics of the situation. I definitely think kids at that age can get it. I'd say once they can understand the idea of liking anyone, it's ok to give them the basic idea of who you are as long as their parents are ok with them knowing. Definitely talk to the parents first, though, because if they aren't okay with it, you don't want to cause issues in the family.

 

This is a great little booklet on how to talk to children about being gay.

http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/links.php

Click on the link that says "What does being gay mean?"

 

I don't think it's neccessary to tell them. They're CHILDREN. It doesn't really matter if they know or don't know in my opinion...be out to adults/friends if you want. Then just be yourself. Have a boyfriend over. They'll learn that you're gay...I don't think it is appropriate or required to "come out" to a child...I just dont see why they need to know what you do in a bedroom.

 

I know this is a little bit old now, but I think there's a difference between telling a child you are gay and telling them what you do in the bedroom. Would you be against someone telling a child about their partner of the opposite sex? If not, I don't see any reason to be against telling them about a partner of the same sex, whether actual or hypothetical. It doesn't have to be about the bedroom at all, but rather about who you date and who you love.

 

Exactly! Little kids don't know what goes on in their parents' bedroom.

But they do know that mommy and daddy love each other and they are a couple. Little kids in kindergarten talk about having 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends'. They watch Disney movies and know about princes and princesses who meet and fall in love.

I think kids should absolutely know - and I don't think that 5 is too young given that the older ones are 11. Now is a good time to tell them for the reasons you mentioned - before they get other negative messages about what gay means. They DO NOT need to hear anything about sex - that's not what being gay is about. Being gay is about liking another boy instead of a girl (or liking another girl instead of a boy). They'll get that.

I told my kids when they were 6 and 8 - and they got it. I say talk to their parents, and if they're OK with it, then go ahead. But make sure the parents are on board.