So I thought I was almost totally gay for the longest time, until a couple months ago I met this girl. She was out with our mutual friends for a birthday bash bar-hop. I found myself attracted to her more than I have most girls in my life. We held hands, I wrapped my arms round her shoulders until we were walking in sync, we tossed each other's hair from our faces and kissed. The way she looked me as we left, and the way we kissed and the way I felt haunted me, HAUNTED ME for days until I talked to her again. We met up again and spent all night on our friend's porch in each other's arms, whispering secrets and blowing kisses to each other. I was falling for her. I took her out to the zoo, took her to a great little restaurant with dim, sexy lighting. We shared more and more. It was officially fusing my heart to hers. Then I walk her to the door and she turns her head away when I go to kiss her. She says, "I'm sorry" with a smile. Sadly, I cannot help but smile back at her, turn to drop my head between my shoulders and walk away. I am distraught and confused. What followed were a number of asinine conversations, late after one party and another after a night at the bar, in which I finally opened my heart to her in a way I hadn't before. I confessed I was dangerous, continually seduced by what scares my heart in my life. And she scared the hell out of me. That's why I took her out. That's why I can't help but fall in love with you every moment I see you. And don't look at me in the eyes and tell me you care about me because it makes me hate you. You think that we have nothing in common. You love your family, I am a lone rebel without a home. You have kissed less than a handful of people in your life, and I've loved, often, without reserve. We have each other in common, Miss. It just so happens the details do not add up, and it excites me more than if you also read classic works of literature in their original languages. Because our eyes are all we need in common, and you know this because when we look at each other, and our souls talk about their hobbies of love and fear and that wholly un-sarcastic drive to make people happy for their own good, and we just want to kiss. So last night when you get off work at the bar, I stop by with friends and invite you to sit with us, I worry that the ride coming to get you isn't your normal ride. I worry it's a man, with nice shoulders, and a first-glance sort of handsome that seems to fade with familiarity but sheaths a strong heart. And so it was. My friend tickles my ear with concern but drops away at my insistence. I'm ok, it will just take time. So I think. It hurts because you are beautiful. It hurts because you have the most delicate mocha skin that is not worthy of my lips to touch. It hurts because at any moment you could let go of your fear and give us a chance. How do I encourage you to do so? How do I become the man you need, not just the man you want? Am I that man? Ah, it hurts so damn much because you are prettier every time I see you.
So clearly you've got it bad for this girl, but you've always liked guys? is that what i'm supposed to think here? I just got a little lost because you changed the point of view like half way through the post....
Oh wow. I can feel the emotion in that. It hurts. Obviously. She seems mysterious. I don't really know how to reply to this one, I'm sorry. It did get a bit confusing when the point of view changed. I think you were just working with what you were thinking at the time of writing it though. All I really know to tell you is if you really love her, don't let go so easily. If you really love her, there is always a chance, no matter how small. Love has a way. If she loves you back, then love will find its way into both your hearts and you will find a way to be together. Good luck!