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To the future

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rikudo, Jun 2, 2010.

  1. Rikudo

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    Well I'm back and boy has it been a crazy two months. But I've got some big news I'm wanting to share with everyone and I'm also looking for advice on this subject.

    So about a month ago I was contacted by a college scout at a nearby college that would be interested in me playing football for them. I was one of three people and was over joyed at the news. Since then I've kicked my behind into high gear on a regourious training regiment and I've seen my endurance rise. Aside from my steadly rising progress everyone around me seems to be extremely supportive of me. Coaches seem to love me and school and life in general are great. However something that I've been thinking about has disturbed me. I wasn't planning on playing college ball but now that my chances seem high I don't feel like I can come out. My original plan was to come out after my senior season ended and I don't have to suck up to anyone anymore and whatnot. However since the scout is a teacher at the high school I'm afraid that if word were to reach him that I was bi/gay(hehe not really sure) that he would tell the college to not take me. Which I realize some people might respond oh Zeke he's not gonna care about your sexuality he's interested if you can play. But lets be real people discriminate. However I do think he might not be too homophobic because about a week ago so girls brought up the issue that if his newly born son grew up to be gay would he still love him. He said sure cause no matter what he'd still be his son. Now that caused me to have a big cheshire grin. But then I thought maybe that's how'd he'd feel about his own kin but not some random kid. Also over all our relationship is pretty cool. He's an awesome teacher.
    Thanks to anyone who reads this and even more to anyone who can reply with some advice.
     
  2. pteen

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    Well the first thing is i wouldn't think he would consider you as some random kid especially when he's recommending you for college football (by the way congradulations :thumbsup:),
    and the fact that you two seem to be pretty cool friends.

    And i don't think he'd want you playing because of your orientation then i don't see why joining the team would be all that great in my opinion. I think you should do whatever you want to do and come out whenever your ready.
     
  3. Sylver

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    I firmly believe that there is no absolute for coming out. There is no mandate. It's something we each do when we feel the time is right, and it must be balanced with all the risks and rewards of doing it. Often times we'll feel like the burden of keeping it in, of lying to the world, or of being ashamed of who we are is too much, and it outweighs the consequences. But... in my opinion there are definitely times when it is in someone's best interests not to come out, at least not yet. One of those has to do with your future... if it could materially affect your future path or your well-being, then you may choose to wait.

    Only you know how the scales balance on this. If this is your life's dream and you don't want to risk it and you are ok with waiting to come out, then wait. Use your own judgment. Just be sure that you're not using this as a crutch to avoid coming out or to procrastinate...
     
  4. Rikudo

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    I've also thought of the possibility of coming out after maybe a year or two into college. Having gotten people to better know me so they're not just automatically labeling me as oh hey it's the "gay guy". Maybe that'd make things easier?

    I mean I don't want to hide who I am anymore but I know from listening to the other coaches that well gays aren't exactly thought of in a good matter. Although the younger coaches tend to be really good about it. I don't know there's a part of me that wants to shout it out to the world but then there's another part that say's slow down you gonna ruin a perfect opportunity.

    It's very complicated.
     
  5. Lexington

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    I guess this would depend on how close you are to this guy, but have you thought about taking him on board? Instead of either coming out to everybody, or not telling anybody, maybe you could just talk to him about it? Tell him how much you appreciate all he's done and what not, but then say "There is one issue, though. I was planning on coming out of the closet once I was in college, but now that it looks like football might be in my future, perhaps that's not such a good idea."

    Lex
     
  6. x2x2x2x2y2

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    Lifes all about taking chances and making choices. It doesn't sound like the scout guy would care about your orientation. You obviously aren't some random kid to him.

    If you do end up playing football in college, and don't come out, well there is a lot of ignorant people. But there is also a lot of smart people. I would say, choose your friends carefully. So that, whenever you do come out, the people around you will be more accepting.

    Do what feels right.
     
  7. gaz83

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    well done firstly. from what you have said i make that out as you have been headhunted lol. i bet you were well chuffed at being asked to play. they didnt pick you cos of your sexuality. they picked you cos clearly they saw something worthwhile having. if you feel he will be okay about you telling him you are bi/gay then tell him. but if not then just leave things as they are. really there is no need for people to have to know. its whatever makes you happy.
     
  8. Chip

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    I'm going to take the opposite approach to what I'd normally say and suggest that maybe holding off on talking about your sexuality might not be such a bad idea, *if* you can be ok with that.

    I'd say lock in the scholarship, the admission to school, and so forth, and then you can pick your time to come out. I don't, however, think you need to be worried about being labeled "the gay guy on the football team" unless you end up going to some uber conservative school, there will be plenty of other poofters around and likely nobody will really care... and in a way, it might be easier to just be "out" from the beginning at college since you're essentially introducing yourself to a community of people that won't know you... it will save the hassle of having to "out" yourself later.
     
  9. Rikudo

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    First off thanks to everyone's advice it's good to get lots of different opinions.
    You know this sounds like a really good idea. He won't go blabbing to everyone but maybe he'd understand my situation.

    This was my original plan. With the only thing being was that I'd wait awhile to have people get to really know me. I don't know if this is bad but I'm actually okay with staying in the closet for a bit longer.